The #Celtic boss story: you couldn’t make it up

Tom Lehrer, they say, gave up on satire the day they awarded the Nobel Peace Prize to Henry Kissinger, on the grounds that nothing he Lehrer could compose would rival the absurdity of reality. He should have been at Tynecastle stadium in Edinburgh on 11 May  this year. That’s when a Hearts supporter called Wilson, followed by the cameras, ran to the area where Celtic manager Neil Lennon was standing, lunged at him and struck him on the head. Today in court,  the charge that Wilson had been guilty of a sectarian assault aggravated by religious prejudice was dismissed.

I mean, as my granny would occasionally say, wtf? Wilson admitted in court that he had lunged at Lennon, that he’d struck him on the head. But was religious prejudice involved? Nah. Had he shouted a sectarian remark on the occasion? Nah. Not even one? Nah. In fact, Wilson was just, sniff and sob, overcome with remorse. “I regret every moment of it” he told the court. Especially the bit where he was pulled off Lennon, presumably. But no, seriously, he assured the court that it was “not my normal behaviour”.  Eh? Cue another granny wtf.  He doesn’t normally jump on Celtic managers. Or thump them on the head. And not shout sectarian remarks at them. Well that’s all right then. Dunno why they bothered to bring the man to court. He’s obviously a deep-down decent man who got a wee bit, um, over-excited.

So. You may be sure those who detest Celtic, hate Lennon and send him bullets and death-threats will have taken note of today’s proceedings. Even if the cameras are trained on you, you’ve a good chance of getting off if you say you don’t know what came over you, it’s not a bit like you, and sectarian, no no no no no.

Oh Tom Lehrer – you thought you’d seen it all.  No you hadn’t.  Say hello to Mr Wilson.

12 Responses to The #Celtic boss story: you couldn’t make it up

  1. Anonymous August 31, 2011 at 7:28 pm #

    We are all John Wilson!

  2. Anonymous August 31, 2011 at 7:35 pm #

    You make a good point, albeit unintentional on your part. Why did this come to court as “religiously aggravated / sectarian” when the PF knew that only 1 person – a 60 yo with documented hearing difficulties in a packed & noisy stadium – was alleged to have heard the offending remark. If the PF had went for “simple” assault – game, set and throw away the key surely?

  3. Anonymous August 31, 2011 at 7:36 pm #

    The Mr Wilson in question has a Catholic father as well a daughter who has been baptised, so I’d say there are very good grounds to assume the assault wasn’t ‘religiously aggravated’. The defence offered a guilty plee on the simple charge of assault but this was refused by the prosecutor.

    But hey, let’s not let the facts get in the way of your cute wee rant ‘Mr Collins’.

  4. Anonymous August 31, 2011 at 7:37 pm #

    It’s a disgrace that the lad has been locked up for 4 months for the poxy trumped up charges. Fat Alex was trying to make a example of him but the Jury saw through the political interference

  5. Anonymous August 31, 2011 at 7:47 pm #

    Why do you Irish have to discuss Scotland? With your bankrupt country, stick to your own. I forgot your all victims together.

  6. Artie August 31, 2011 at 10:07 pm #

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  7. Anonymous August 31, 2011 at 10:08 pm #

    Well fair’s fair eh – the boy has done over 3 months in jail as the PF tried desperately to make this a religiously aggravated charge – and failed.

    Lennon, on the other hand, doesn’t have to consider his – yet again inflammatory behaviour nor answer for booting Mr Wilson in the heid whilst he was prone on the ground.

    Seems fair, no? Except, of course, if your own entrenched bigotry sees everything as an anti-catholic/irish/delete as applicable conspiracy…of course, naturally any intolerance shown by Celtic fans is simply a reaction and never a provocation, so that’s alright then.

  8. PJD September 1, 2011 at 8:53 am #

    Dearie me, Jude you seem to have woken up the old anti-Irish bigotry there, I say anti-Irish because you previous correspondents can in way be described as sectarian, not even a hint of it. As for the last gob.. guy, lennon provacative. He only had to go to Scotland to play for Celtic and that was enough to enrage people who were in no way sectarian. Jude keep hitting the raw nerves.

  9. Stephen McAleese September 1, 2011 at 2:39 pm #

    Excellent piece of straight talking Jude.

    On some of the points made by your detractors here,it is telling that they have more sympathy for the perpetrator of the attack than they do for the victim. That in itself points to the malaise in Scottish society, some people still believe that it’s perfectly acceptable to physically attack a ‘taig’, in the street or at a football match. Sure, don’t they bring it on themselves? He’s got ginger hair as well, for God’s sake, he was asking for it!

    Perhaps they can answer this point then… What did Martin O’Neill and his seriously ill wife do to deserve a Union flag to be planted in their front lawn and the street outside their home to be painted with sectarian slogans while he was manager of Celtic?

    What provocation was offered by Paddy McCourt (ironically, the new hero of the NornIron team) and his team mate Niall McGinn to merit bullets in their mail?

    What did politician Trish Godman do to deserve a bomb in the post other than commit the cardinal sin of wearing a Celtic shirt on her last day in the Scottish Parliament?

    What was the provocation offered by Paul McBride QC that also brought him an explosive package at breakfast time, other than to be employed as the legal representative of Neil Lennon?

    But never mind all that, let’s reserve our sympathy for poor Mr Wilson, surely now a victim of a miscarriage of justice even to be convicted on the charge of ‘breach of the peace’ for running on to the trackside at Tynecastle. Sure wasn’t he only stretching his legs due to the cramped conditions that night?!?

    In fact, didn’t Neil Lennon attack himself and we are all the victims of a mass hallucination brought on by an ‘apartheid education system’ (yes, this is what they believe)and all those years that we’ve been oppressing the Protestant majority by means of ‘Kafflik Labour Councils’?

    You could not make it up right enough.

  10. Anonymous September 1, 2011 at 3:45 pm #

    If you search for top freelance journalist’s Phil Mac Giolla Bhain’s blog you will see the words ‘account suspended’. This is because somebody from the UK complained to Phil’s American hosting service. Phil of course has been in the Vanguard of exposing the problems a certain Glasgow Rangers Football Club has been having with HMRC with regards to unpaid taxes.

  11. Rebel Fantasist September 1, 2011 at 6:56 pm #

    And Phil’s account being suspended relates to this issue how? The eternal self-publicist, whose latest utterances have urged Celtic supporters to conform to the badly drafted new ‘anti-sectarian’ laws being proposed by the Scottish Government. Will the conforming fantasist be turning ‘rebel’ again after yesterday’s verdict?

  12. Anonymous September 1, 2011 at 8:50 pm #