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There are  a couple of storms swirling at opposite ends of the Irish teakettle at present. On the one hand there is the anniversary of the 1916 Rising in Dublin coming up with the fear that Queen Elizabeth’s grandson Harry might be invited to get on down and enjoy the undoubted craic but might somehow muddy the waters by appearing dressed as a nazi stormtrooper….just, y’know, for a laugh…a bit of craic, like.

On the other hand there is the fear in Belfast that similarly if the Pope was invited  to the city that by blessing its denizens, his heavy-handed and generous use of holy water in his blessings, might somehow have such an effect on the water table that said H2o would be rendered undrinkable for protestants,  so he should be shunted away nearer the border where the only damage being done will be to those south Armagh catholics and cattle rustlers.

Obviously some people have very little to worry about. More jobs lost today? Aw what the hell .That’s not important.We councillors are paid to worry about flags and popes and such like anyway. We’ll even get a slot on “the View” and send two of our muppet politicians  to stagger through our analysis  of this world- shattering situation for fifteen minutes or so. Great, great comedic entertainment for the punters..

Now Elizabeth Windsor and this new Pope don’t seem like a bad couple. Did n’t Elizabeth’s  son Charles allow that nominal Irishman of Goonery ,one Spike Milligan, to laugh in his face.I’m sure his mum was a secret Goons fan too .She may have even stretched to Monty Python…ooooh those silly walks!!!

The new Pope is a bit of a lad too. What a character .Sure didn’t he just auction off his fine Harley Davidson motorbike for thousands in some charity. Mind you there wouldn’t be much use for a Hell’s Angels’ “hog” like that in the Vatican.In any case they’d never let him away from that pope-mobile.

It occurs to me that these two representatives on Planet Earth ,of similar departments in that great heavenly after -death  nirvana, which they want us to buy tickets for…..  might also share a joke ,or conceivably share  memories of freshly painted rooms, so they might enjoy this one.

Now I know some of you jokesters out there didn’t see the feasibility of my Marching Stadium. Well…not just yet anyway. Maybe when there’s no more room to march on the roads, right? So what do you think about  a joint Queen/Pope visitation to Ireland?

Liz and John could knock out the details over a nice cup of Earl Grey tea or “Builder’s” tea in china cups {my favourite}. The logistics could be sorted out by the various lackeys.and the security would be a dawdle. A real “buy one get one free” deal. Security for two at half the price. Like when Dylan and Van the Man did a double-header in Botanic Gardens and the cold-flow Guinness flowed.

After Dublin and Belfast they could go to the ecclesiastical  capital, Armagh itself! It’s got a cathedral for each of them on opposite hills. Talk about a tourist deal. Man we wouldn’t know where to put all  the punters. They ‘d be here from all over the world.”Hello” magazine would combust. Nobody’d even know who they were cheering for or booing at.Nobody’d want to go home again.  They could even get the Dalai Lama back as an opening act.The possibilities are endless…..

…..Am I overthinking this ,Jude?



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