You’d feel at home here, Jeremy


OK – first things first. As the pics above will testify, I did as promised take part in the Omagh Half-Marathon yesterday, and my thanks to all those big-hearted people who sponsored me for Trócaire : it’s one thing to talk about injustice, another to do something about it. If you haven’t put a couple of quid behind me yet, it’s not too late  – there are two days left. So  go to

and join the other open-handed sponsors there . And yes, Virginia, mo chara Jim did take photographs of me in the immediate aftermath of  the race, but we felt if posted they might be seen by children or those of a nervous disposition. It wasn’t worth the risk.

One person I was glad wasn’t in Omagh yesterday was Jeremy Clarkson. I don’t watch his programme Top Gear since I’m not that interested in watching blokey blokes enthuse over their penis extensions. But I couldn’t help noting his latest escapade, which was to build a bridge over the River Kwai. Being the man he is, Clarkson can’t help being a smart-arse and remarking to his colleague that the bridge was indeed a real achievement “but there’s a slope on it”. The colleague tries to pretend this was a comment on the bridge’s structure but it’’s obvious that Clarkson is referring to the Asian man who is walking over the bridge towards him. If I told you Clarkson was being sued for £1 million for a racist remark on television (he has previous), you’d no doubt be pleased. If I told you it wasn’t Clarkson but the BBC that stands to be sued, and that any money will come out over your pocket and mine vis the TV licence, you might be bit less pleased. But the accompanying demand that he be removed from our screens should cheer the heart of anyone who isn’t of a blokey bloke tendency.

If fired, Clarkson might consider moving to Belfast, where he could join hands with the type of moron who daubs the exterior of houses with signs like ‘Locals Only’. Though the drawback to that might be that he’d travel to Omagh on Half-Marathon day. There were a number of wheel-chair contestants and I expect Jeremy “I’m Big” Clarkson would have something awfully witty to say about them too.

You can see read further about the wit of Jeremy (after you’ve been to my sponsor page) through this link:

19 Responses to You’d feel at home here, Jeremy

  1. Derek Flack March 30, 2014 at 8:43 am #

    Don’t know whether to be grateful or annoyed that you have acquainted me with a racist term I was previously unaware of.

    • paddykool March 30, 2014 at 10:42 am #

      Derek: if you watch enough movies about the Vietnam War , that “slope” reference will soon show up amongst the easy “gooks” and “slants” that are bandied about with charmless regularity.

  2. paddykool March 30, 2014 at 10:09 am #

    Jude :
    Good man Jude .Now sit down with a nice pot of tea. You’ve earned it. The expected headlines on your demise were missing from the Sunday rags!!

    As for Mr. Clarkson. the wonder is that he has gained so much mileage{!!} from his auto- tomfoolery. What was it PT Barnum said about the great unwashed public.?…Oh yes, “There’s a sucker born every minute.”…

    … My late uncle used to say .”Make a bun as big as a duncher cap ,; fill it with sawdust and they’ll buy it by the barrow load..”. Size, not quality was what they wanted . As you say , Clarkson parlayed his schoolboy fetishising of the automobile into a career but now that his bigotry and latent racism is seeping out like stinkfoot,, methinks the knives are already being sharpened in the halls of media to begin a Jimmy Savile style night of the long knives…..maybe not before time too.

  3. neill March 30, 2014 at 12:40 pm #

    Does he annoy you Jude because he is exactly like you?

    • Jude Collins March 31, 2014 at 8:24 am #

      You got me bang on, Neill. Apart from the fact that he’s vastly wealthy and I’m not, is obsessed with large and fast cars which I am not, is clearly a racialist which I am not. You could add ‘Has a fine head of hair’ and ‘Talks in a blustering fashion’ as further differentiators. But yes, apart from that we’re exactly alike.

      • neill March 31, 2014 at 7:51 pm #

        Your quite right Jude I apologise he is after all an amusing and successful author added to this a very much in demand columnist and stars in a truly popular television show while you don’t so your right no similarities whatsoever .

  4. PW March 30, 2014 at 5:05 pm #

    Jude, no doubt Jeremy pushes the boundaries and in many instances goes overboard. Perhaps I am naïve, as I never heard the expression ‘slope’ before thus didn’t pick up this wrong doing while watching the show.
    To be clear, I don’t like raw racial abuse however I do think the pc correctness has gone away out of control, to the extent whereby it has become stifling and probably creates more undercurrents of division.
    Many will now have the knives out for Jeremy and seek to end his career, whether its deserved or not. Naturally this will be open to much debate in the tabloids.
    Wonder if I could sue for a million the next time an Englishman calls me a Paddy, those sleepless nights and all it causes me ….. Just a thought.

    • Jude Collins March 31, 2014 at 8:28 am #

      PW – I’m with you about excessive PC-ness – tedious and pointless. But I draw the line at referring to other races in a derogatory fashion. This is something the Americans and the English have a particular weakness for, based presumably on the assumption that they’re the norm and everyone else is odd and amusing or odd and near-sub-human, depending on how unlike the English/Americans they are. I think it’s fair enough to call people by what they’d like to be called. Speaking personally, I find being addressed as ‘paddy’ when that’s not my name insulting and deserving of a resounding kick up the arse.

      • giordanobruno March 31, 2014 at 8:59 am #

        I suppose Clarkson is the kind of man who would refer to people as ‘troglodytes’. Dreadful fellow.

        • paddykool March 31, 2014 at 6:05 pm #

          Jude : I’d agree with most of that. I think if political correctness gets out of hand there’ll be no more humour in the world.

          Basically I don’t like racism, should it be the easy racism of older family members, back in the day, talking about “darkies”…{ i kid you not…I had an old relative who led an otherwise exemplary life but thought nothing odd about using this word in casual conversation.. like Alf Garnet……a bit like someone farting in a lift!!] That was just insular thinking by an old guy with no experience outside the narrow Irish gene-pool……
          The current fashion is for young American black men[rappers!] to call each other “nigger” in a self- deprecating way to probably pre- empt any “whitey” taking that initiative from them
          . Back in 1975 when i developed my alter-ego “Paddy Kool” [ the cartoon strip dog who dressed like Bogart….. ]….while living in England …

          ,I had similar thoughts then about taking the sting out of “Paddy” as used as a comic slur by unthinking Englishmen. It was “paddy” this and “paddy” that but generally there was no malice intended by the users my “dog” was my comic revenge….

        • Jude Collins March 31, 2014 at 6:47 pm #

          Ah gio – ever the man to expose hypocrisy (not to be confused with identity). If an individual or a group behave like a caveman/cavemen, I’ll describe them as such. I hate to disappoint you but that’s not racist.

          • giordanobruno March 31, 2014 at 7:48 pm #

            Indeed. Which is why I didn’t say it was.
            Anyway well done with the running. Not bad for an oul fella.
            To borrow from Lewis Carroll;
            You are old father Collins, and your jaws are too weak
            For anything tougher than suet
            Yet you run 13 miles with arthritis and piles,
            Pray how did you manage to do it?

          • Jude Collins March 31, 2014 at 9:51 pm #

            Ageist too. Mmmm…

  5. michael c March 30, 2014 at 9:16 pm #

    There are some aspects of “Top Gear” which are quite interesting.I have enjoyed some of the challenges where vehicles bought on a small budget were tested to almost destruction for instance.However this is counterbalanced by the attitudes of the presenters,particularly the racist stance taken by Clarkson and the emphasis on vehicles which could only be owned by the mega rich.If Clarkson could be ditched and the programme made to connect with the everyday car enthusiast it could be worth watching.

  6. Virginia March 31, 2014 at 1:51 am #

    Well done with run, very well done! Leave Clarkson alone, he can laugh at himself which is more than most.

    • Jude Collins March 31, 2014 at 6:49 pm #

      That’s indeed a virtue not many of us have. But that still doesn’t entitle him to strike the pose of the superior white man and use racist language.

  7. PW March 31, 2014 at 8:41 am #

    It’ll be interesting to see what the BBC do about this. Clarkson and the Top Gear brand earn the BBC a lot of money around the world, perhaps more than enough to cover his inadvertant costs.

  8. ANOTHER JUDE March 31, 2014 at 1:18 pm #

    I too was unaware of the term slope being racist but that is not important. You can rest assured Jeremy was/is fully aware, as were/are his acolytes. Richard Hammond is a rather unsavoury character, trying to look and behave like a teenage boy. Racism is vile and the fact it is alive and well in the six counties should not really surprise anybody. The local pool cue carrying members of the UDA and UVF are proud of their links with racist organisations. The recent Anna Lo `controversy` had a nasty racist undertone to it. Also it says a lot that the late Enoch Powell found sanctuary here when the British had had enough of him and his supremacist nonsense. Powell wanted to be a Governor in India but baulked at the idea of the Indians coming to his manor. That imperialist clap trap influences a lot of British political thinking with regard to immigration, sadly there are racist elements within Irish society and that is worse, considering our hideous treatment over the centuries.

  9. Virginia April 1, 2014 at 1:50 am #

    Anyone else thinking about Joyce, his quote about why Jews were never persecuted in Ireland? Sorry Jude, racism was rampant in all the isles.