Catechism time


OK,  catechism time. Sit up straight at the back, there.

Q: What has First Minister Peter Robinson done of note lately?

A:  Two things.

Q: What was the  first one?

A:  He said he wouldn’t trust Muslims that were trying to blow him up but he would trust Muslims to go down to the shops for him.

Q: Nice. What was the second thing?

A:  He apologised in person to Muslim leaders.

Q: And?

A: He said he didn’t find it hard to say sorry because of his mischievous childhood.

Q: Mmm. Anything else?

A: He said he was apologising in the proper way, man to man.

Q: Why are you laughing?

A: That man to man bit. Gets me every time.

Q: What’s funny about that?

A: I’m not sure. Maybe it has to do with the apology being squeezed out of Peter after a week or so of global disgust at his original statement. 

Q: Now he’s said “Sorry” to the Muslims, is it time to move on?

A: It is indeed. But whether the apology will undo the damage to Robinson and the north’s reputation round the world remains to be seen. 

Q: What did Rev Kyle Paisley,  Ian Paisley Jr’s twin brother, say about Mr Robinson?

A: That he was a condescending ignoramus.

Q: Is there bad blood between the Robinson and the Paisley families?

A: I plead the Fifth.

Q: Anything else of significance happening lately?

A: Yes. The Police Ombudsman is taking the Chief Constable of the PSNI to court.

Q: I don’t believe it – the peelers are suing the peelers?

A: Something like that.

Q: Why so?

A: The police have sensitive intelligence material and they won’t hand it over to the Ombudsman.

Q: Much sensitive material?

A: Over a hundred pieces.

Q: Why does the Ombudsman want this stuff?

A: Because it relates to the killing of over sixty people.

Q: Wow. And why won’t the peelers pass the information over?

A: We don’t know. But there have been allegations of police criminality and misconduct.

Q: What does that mean?

A: That they didn’t bother their arses investigating the killings properly. 

Q: And?

A: And they may have been protecting individuals involved in these killings.

Q: You mean the peelers had undercover agents who helped with the killing?

A: Could be. We won’t know until and if the files are released.

Q: Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

A: Search me. 

Q: Finally, would it be true to say that there’s a dark cloud hanging over the north’s First Minister and another hanging over the north’s Chief Constable?

A: Yes and yes.

Q: How did one famous Irish politician describe Northern Ireland some years back?

A:  As  a ‘failed political entity’.

Q: Was he right?

A: I plead the Fifth.

Q: OK, that’s enough for today.

A: Praised be Allah.

25 Responses to Catechism time

  1. Páid June 4, 2014 at 9:10 am #

    Robinson said what he meant and meant what he said everything after that was damage limitation and doesn’t change his view of others not of his like

    • paul June 4, 2014 at 11:03 am #

      His apology has not a shred of veracity or contriteness( real word?) The fact that he is due to sign an anti racism law is beyond belief considering his antics sof the last week. Pure hypocrisy and a complete sham. As for the ombudsman, his handling of the troubles legacy can euphemistically described as uneven at best, At worst he can be linked to the culture of RUC/State collusion and obstructionism. The PSNI has failed many times to come clean about the past. It’s policing policies towards marches/Twaddell, flags,have for the most part very weak. ( although not accordring to Willie and jamie) As many have stated, a truth commission would seem to be the best way forward, but that would require the State/RUC/Army to be forthcoming and tell the truth. I don’t see that day coming anytime soon.

      • paul June 4, 2014 at 2:37 pm #

        Please substitute PSNI chief Baggott for ombudsman. my apologies, looks like the FM is not the only amadan, eh RJC

        • RJC June 4, 2014 at 3:54 pm #

          Haha – you’re far from an amadán, I suspect. I’m only just getting up to speed on these things myself, and trying to figure out who’s who. Baggott’s ‘style’ of policing seems perplexing at best. The Flag Protests/Riots, the Orange Riots last Summer and the ongoing Twaddell fiasco do not point to a man who cares much for the Rule of Law.

          We’ll see what the Summer brings, I guess. Baggott is no doubt set to retire on a cushy pension to a quiet part of England so I doubt he really cares anymore. It says something though when the Police Ombudsman is having to take the PSNI to court. Anyone would think that the police force here were corrupt.

          I don’t know anything about this George Hamilton character, but he appears to have cross party support so let’s hope he’s a bit better than Bat Maggot. I suspect the Garda fella would have been a step too far for the Unionists, so let’s hope that Mr Hamilton is a man of honesty and integrity.

  2. daniel moran June 4, 2014 at 1:23 pm #

    Nice one, Jude. Robinson’s tardy realization he had something to correct in his earlier statement [and what a painful and costly week that was], recalls to me one of those ads or ‘public information films’ utv put out in the late 1960s, and Robbo must remember it as he’s seven years older than me. An object lesson in dealing with a burst pipe in a family setting. The narrator praises the family for how they eventually fixed it but their faces fell when he delivered the punchline, ‘but what a pity you let it happen in the first place’ Too late for Peter the damage has been done.

  3. Sid Edwards June 4, 2014 at 1:38 pm #

    Did he really apologise? I think he said ” if what he said has caused offence to anyone” he was sorry for that. But was he sorry for what he said? Okay I am nit picking.

  4. RJC June 4, 2014 at 1:44 pm #

    I would applaud Kyle Paisley’s assertion that Pete ‘The Racist’ Robinson is indeed a “condescending ignoramus”. It says something about the dearth of intellect within Political Unionism that an amadán such as he can rise to the top. ‘Shit Floats’ as they say…

  5. Sid Edwards June 4, 2014 at 2:38 pm #

    Is apologising for any hurt you may have caused by something you said the same as apologising for saying something?
    I know this may be nit picking.

    • Sid Edwards June 4, 2014 at 2:41 pm #

      It seems I have already posted a similar comment.

  6. paddykool June 4, 2014 at 4:35 pm #

    Jude :
    I don’t think our revered First Minister ,Peter has had his Damascene moment yet .Himself and his collective ID have probably squeezed themselves into a phone booth in panic and flustered and barracked for a week , wondering how to get rid of this latest unholy stink that they’ve issued.
    “What happened? We usually get away with this awful stuff. Every time we’ve farted copiously in the past , no one took a blind bit of notice .What’s wrong with these bloody people? When did it suddenly become such a BIG DEAL to be a racist and a bigot? It worked perfectly well up until last week , so what has changed ?”

    You can imagine the twisting that went on before the clock struck and Peter had to face the cold hard truth of the apology…..

    “What about trying a bit of grovelling?” says Doddsy…..Wee Sammy interjects , “Y’know , we’ve never tried that before …that might work!!!!”

    …So it came to pass…Peter smiled and apologised , making some wizened old joke to help the sour taste go down…..and then….and then …with One Mighty Bound ….he was free!!!

    “That wasn’t so hard there, Peter “, says Marty ….Maybe if you tried apologising a bit more instead of being such a crooked wee git, we’d all get along a bit better”…
    Peter smiled like the Cheshire Cat . He still knew when it was a step too far…He’d left old Pastor Whatsisname holding the stinkpot , but now the Marching season was looming fast…. .Time to batten down those hatches again…..The backwoodsmen in his party and beyond , were already sharpening their knives……”What the fuc…’s .an apology, anyway?

    • Páid June 4, 2014 at 6:11 pm #

      “What apology” said Peter winking, “I had my fingers crossed the whole time”

  7. Norma wilson June 4, 2014 at 5:50 pm #

    Paddy Kool,

    I really enjoyed that post.


  8. dedeideoprofundis June 4, 2014 at 6:24 pm #

    Would have loved to have seen the picters.

    • paddykool June 4, 2014 at 6:48 pm #

      It’s a whole lot faster writing than illustrating comix…hah, ha !!

  9. William Fay June 4, 2014 at 6:31 pm #

    Q Why were some murders not investigated properly?
    A Because loyalists and republicans were killing so many that the security forces couldn’t cope.
    Q Ok, but that seems a poor excuse!
    A. Yes, but added to that was the fact that a large percentage of the population did not support the police, resulting in the inability of them to conduct thorough investigations.
    Q Yes but should they not be consulting and dealing properly with their colleagues in the Ombudsmans office?
    A. Probably if the perception in many quarters wasn’t that Mr Maguire had his own agenda, giving families false hope, cry collusion and Mr Maguire will come running.

    • Páid June 4, 2014 at 9:27 pm #

      Q Why were some murders not investigated properly?

      A Because of security force involvement and collusion

      Q Ok, but that seems a poor excuse!

      • William Fay June 4, 2014 at 10:18 pm #

        paid, I take it you know this as a fact, and if so, bring your info to the Ombudsman, otherwise, please don’t just make things up.

        • RJC June 5, 2014 at 7:44 am #

          The problem with bringing these things to the Ombudsman, is that there is a perception in many quarters that Mr Maguire has his own agenda. I don’t know where these quarters are, and what they perceive his agenda to be, mind you. I would hope that the only agenda the Ombudsman has is to uphold the Rule of Law.

          • RJC June 5, 2014 at 8:13 am #

            Also, with regard to alleged collusion – surely if the PSNI/RUC had nothing to hide they would have co-operated fully with the Police Ombudsman? That they have not, and are now being taken to court suggests that there may be information in the requested material that paints them in a bad light. Time will tell, although there may already be somebody out the back frantically shredding documents as we speak.

  10. Iolar June 4, 2014 at 6:49 pm #

    One has to admire the diplomatic manner in which the Muslim community handled physical and verbal abuse from individuals who would describe themselves as Christians. We have a lot to learn from Muslims. While under physical and verbal attack, Muslim representatives conducted themselves politely, courteously, with balance and fairness, attributes of a highly educated and cultivated community, They wish to draw a line under the matter and their wishes ought to be respected by pastors, politicians and the Ulster Drug Association.
    Where was Peter Robinson on 3 June 2014 during the debate on anti-racism in the assembly? What were his priorities? He met with the Parades Commission about a contentious loyalist parade. Mr Robinsons’s circular arguments about marching, always marching but never forward, are being ridiculed throughout the world. Where now the Welfare Reform Bill and the threats to reduce expenditure on health and education? Millions of pounds are being wasted in policing contentious marches and yet he is scheduled to visit Saudi Arabia in relation to the need for inward investment. The fact that the Ombudsman has had to initiate legal action against the PSNI is a sad reflection on what passes for politics in the north of Ireland.

    • paddykool June 4, 2014 at 7:24 pm #

      Those same critiques occurred to me too. The grace of the Muslim community’s response was a shaming of the bigotry and bullshit so inherent in life in Northern Ireland.
      Small minds have small priorities too. There was ample time and energy given to the Haass talks by everyone and a sensible input by the unionist parties could have completely changed the situation.Instead, they dug a deeper hole so here we are back in Groundhog Day ….just like 2013 ,2012,2011,2010 ….2009,2008….and on and on and on…..

      We’ve seen this tired old movie too many times already….Will Peter be apologising to us all for boring us all rigid with this bullshit?

    • William Fay June 4, 2014 at 7:58 pm #

      Yes, Iolar, one does have to admire the Muslim community, the way they suppress and deal with minority communities in those countries that have a Muslim majority, Sudan is probably a good example.

      • paddykool June 4, 2014 at 9:57 pm #

        the Muslim community here have no control over what Muslims do in other countries ,any more than Christians, Jews ,Buddists or Jains have control over the actions of governments anywhere. They may have a certain input but what can they actually do?

        Here in Ireland , where we have a certain freedom of thought , we have to be careful how that freedom is used and how our words play out in real time and on our streets here.. Will our words and actions provoke love or hatred? We need to have some logical realisation as to how the real world pans out in relation to our input.

        In that context public preachers cannot sow the seeds of hatred hee.That does not excuse rabid fundamentalist Muslims elsewhere from their stone age philosopy of stoning, cutting, killing and beheading… We’ be come a long way since the 1960’s as far as feminism, civil rights and political correctness goes but a lot of people on a world scale are slow at catching up.

  11. Cal June 4, 2014 at 7:02 pm #

    Given the latest PSNI dealings, is it not time for nationalists to have a re-think on our position on the PSNI ?

    Or does 2016 general elections in the 26 take precedence over tackling the dark side of the PSNI ?

  12. ANOTHER JUDE June 4, 2014 at 8:38 pm #

    Pretty depressing that the PSNI CC is refusing to hand over information, does not bode well for the future of policing. The fact the new CC was in the RUC does not exactly fill me with optimism I`m afraid, I would much prefer if he was the football commentator, or the country singer.