It’s terrible, isn’t it? Disgusting, I heard one man say. And this is the second time Suarez has done it. Bit a man, I mean. When Chiellini showed his arm to the referee, they say the man nearly got sick. Never saw the like. Chiellini of course had to be rushed straight to hospital, where they say he’s in intensive care, it’s touch and go, that’s how serious it…What? He’s not in hospital? In that case he must have a doctor in daily attendance wherever he’s staying. I mean a flesh wound like that, straight through to the bone, you’d have to change the dressing a couple of times a day, and have his blood pressure monitored, his…He’s not at home? He’s not getting the wound treated? My God. That’s criminal neglect. He’s bound to have lost a lot of blood – you don’t have the likes of Suarez chomping clean through to the bone without…It wasn’t through to the bone? Really? But I saw a headline in the Daily Telegraph today, or was it the Daily Mail – “The end of the world”. They’re saying Suarez will simply have to receive a life-time ban. I mean, where do you draw the line?
Nicolas de Jong – what’s he got to do with it? You say a few years ago he launched a kung fu kick on Xabi Alonso – launched his foot into Alonso’s chest with no hope of the player avoiding the lunge? Mmm. Not very nice that. I imagine he’s received a life-ti – No, he can’t have. Because I saw him playing in one of the World Cup matches the other day. Odd. Maybe it was another de Jong. Still, a kick in the chest – at least it’s not biting, is it?
Roy Keane? What are you talking about Roy Keane for? We’re talking here about Suarez and Chiellini. You say you want to talk about Roy Keane and Alf-Inge Haaland. Oh OK, if you must. You’re talking about 2001 – a bit long to hold a grudge, that, if you ask me. But you say Keane deliberately launched what was described at the time as a “horror tackle”, that as good as ended the Norwegian player’s football career. Mmmm. And that as he did it, he shouted “Take that, you cunt!”, because apparently he and Roy had a previous history. Probably exaggerated – I mean seriously. Roy’s a nice man. So neat and witty when he’s doing the half-time pundit thing. Anyway, whatever, he did to this Haaland guy, it might have ended his career but at least he didn’t bite him. Chiellini could have that scar on his arm for …A week, you say? Maybe even ten days?
It doesn’t matter. It’s the principle of the thing. Don’t care if he is a great footballer. Don’t care if he was voted Player of the Season. Don’t care if he did spearhead Liverpool’s revival. And I especially don’t care if he scored those two wonder goals against Engalnd. Ban him for life. Now. That’s what I say. It’s just. Not. Cricket.