BISCUITS by Randall Stephen Hall

Sound Clod 8 Sound Clod 13

Flags and the Fear of Biscuit Theft.

“What’s yours is yours. What’s mine’s me own.” This wee poem/song

portrays the deep fear and emotion that lies close to our core as individuals

around biscuit theft and personal boundaries.


If the biscuit is what we enjoy and hold dear, then it is understandable

that people get upset over other things, like flags, boundaries, perceived rights to march,

and to display colours. Human nature in action. Time for a bit of light relief . . . This wee track can be heard at


This tune/poem has been inspired by the music of James Brown and Chuck Brown

and the tradition of funk in North Antrim, amongst the tribesmen from that region, especially on the banjo.

(“Get Down! Ye boy ye!”)



Don’t go near my biscuits

What ever that you do.

Don’t go near my biscuits

For they are not for you.


Don’t go near my biscuits

And take near three or four.

Don’t go near those biscuits

Or you shall have no more.



Swing yer thing, swing it now

Swing yer thing, like a big rear-ended cow.

Swing yer thing, swing it now.

Swing it like it ain’t no joke.

Swing it like a pig goin’ to hoke.



For if you touch one more of my biscuits

You’ll be no welcome then.

For you are like a hungry fox

And me a chucky hen.


Don’t go near the biscuits

Don’t you think you’ve had enough?

Don’t you dare go near my biscuits

For this is not a bluff boy!



You’re nothing but a biscuit thief

Dear Reverend, it must be said.

I’ve never seen a man of God as good

At hiding my biscuits in his head.


Get oot! shoo! You biscuit devil!

Get oot from my wee hoose!

My biscuits are all dishevelled.

Some are broken, some are shaken,

some are loose!


So you can take all of your

Greedy weedy ways.

To some other biscuit hoose.

You’ll  not have one more of my biscuits.

Cause I’ve given the last one to the mouse!


Don’t go near my biscuit tin.

I’ll show you to the door.

For I’ve got no biscuits left now

And you shall have no more.



The Citizen Ship Belfast 2013.

By Randall Stephen Hall ©2007


2 Responses to BISCUITS by Randall Stephen Hall

  1. Jude Collins July 22, 2014 at 8:34 am #

    Love the music RSH – how do you do it??

  2. paddykool July 22, 2014 at 10:47 am #

    Great stuff Randall!! Swing yer thing, baby!