A golden Autumn day – with Sammy

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A mellow, perfect Autumn morning – well, afternoon now, actually, but the point applies. It seems almost a pity to spoil it with words. But needs must.

I was watching Sammy Wilson on TV a few minutes ago and it struck me: how complex and contradictory people are. To look at Sammy, you’d think he was just a rustic, red-faced over-weight farmer. But of course he’s nothing of the sort. He’s a city boy, or was. He was a teacher, not a farmer. And he’s now a politician. Full-time. Which means you pay his wages. Me too.

Sammy was illustrating his complexity by poo-pooing the idea of a referendum here. Why? Because there’s clearly a  majority of people here who want to stay within the United Kingdom. He was also poo-pooing the idea of Stormont being given more powers. Why? Because we’ve (he means politicians like him) have shown ourselves (he means themselves) incapable of using the powers they have properly.

Sammy’s a great man for a joke, and this is clearly him exercising his well-known sense of humour. He doesn’t want a border poll because his side would win it. Eh? You mean all those Better Together people in Scotland who were dancing in the streets would really have preferred not to have an independence poll?  Nah, it’s Sammy doing his surreal comic turn.

And he’s against getting more powers because the powers that Stormont politicians have, they’ve shown they can’t use. Sorry, that needs refining. He’s against more powers because the Sinn Féin politicians at Stormont have shown they can’t use the powers they have. No, let me translate that a final time. He’s against more powers because the Sinn Féin politicians at Stormont won’t fall into line with him and the DUP and implement the cuts that the Tory government in London is intent on hammering into place.

So do the Tories want to hurt the most vulnerable? I’m not sure. David Cameron has a kind face, in a certain light. But whatever his motivation, he’s intent on hammering the poor and the DUP are intent on helping him. (Thinks: could that be because there’s a Westminster election next year and maybe the Tories will need…Nah. Skip that.)  All this is part of a reaction to the recession which has been adopted by both the British government and the government of Fine Gael and Labour. I was talking to a man yesterday and he put it rather well: “Imagine you are suddenly plunged into an icy swimming pool, a very deep one. You sink to the bottom. Now you can do one of two things.You can swim along the bottom until your lungs are bursting and you’re seeing stars before you finally – you hope – surface at the other end; or you could sink to the bottom, kick your way to the surface again, and then swim to the other end. Neither experience is pleasant, but the first one is obviously the dumber and more painful of the two”.

That’s what Sammy wants Sinn Féin and all the others to do: follow the Tories and so the DUP by keeping the poor underwater for as long as possible, making them suffer until they can take no more; then when they can take no more, let them surface and point to the tiny green shoots of recovery: “See? It was very painful but it worked!” The fact that it hasn’t and even may never doesn’t enter into it. We must do the bidding of our imperial masters.

It’s terrible, ruining a golden Autumn day with such glimpses into human deviousness, isn’t it? To make up for that, here’s a wee video to give you a laugh. Sammy’s in it.

 

 

23 Responses to A golden Autumn day – with Sammy

  1. Patrick J Dorrian September 21, 2014 at 12:32 pm #

    I cannot stand that ‘stain.

  2. Anthony Leisegang September 21, 2014 at 12:56 pm #

    Wonderful irony I’d like to pass on to another discussion — on Trinity’s online 1912-23 course!

  3. John Patton September 21, 2014 at 1:26 pm #

    There could be a lot of horse-trading after the 2015 election. Labour will possibly be in the market. Callaghan, you will recall, offered the Unionists a gas pipeline across the Irish Sea in return for their support in 1979. ( IOS in auto-correct mode thought that ‘pipe ‘ should read ‘Pope’ Now that would have gone down well in Glengall St)

  4. paddykool September 21, 2014 at 1:45 pm #

    Hi Jude …Slightly fuzzy head here …partying too hard at a Doctor Feelgood gig last night..too much ale and too much fun and very late home….ah well …somebody’s got to do it……anyway …wonderful day isn’t it?
    Sammy and his fellow comic turns really do now believe that black is white and white is black . It’s like a new language they are steadily cultivating. Do you think they are just hoping that we’ll all just go away and leave them to their little madhouse?
    As you point out .If the bloody thing is unfit for purpose ….who do they think is the engine of that particular disaster? Look around you guys…you’re the only ones rowing that particular boat .There’s nobody else there! The bigger question is why not enough of us are tearing out our collective hair and shouting “No more of this absolute bollocks. !” This is not real!! It’s like employing a plumber who tells you…”It’s like this , guvnor. I don’t think I can fix that dripping tap …you know, mate ., I’ve got hands on me like two left feet and I really don’t think I can do it. …but sure you might as well pay me anyway”.
    Maybe we’re the mad buggers…..

  5. Norma wilson September 21, 2014 at 4:02 pm #

    Hi JUDE

    In Dublin, weather is fantastic, have a big pint of Corr’s slightly enibriated, them buggers in Kerry beat the good Ulster team.
    But to hell with all the wrongs of the world, I am with my man, and we are having a grand time.
    Norma

  6. neill September 21, 2014 at 5:36 pm #

    This wont be popular however welfare cuts should be harsh and only those who need it like the disabled and those who genuinely cant work should get it. Able bodied people should not receive a penny get a bit of pride and find some work and be a good role model for your family and community.

    • Jude Collins September 21, 2014 at 6:44 pm #

      So you’re in favour of independence, then, neill?

      • neill September 21, 2014 at 7:13 pm #

        Err no I am in favour of welfare cuts that are coming from Westminster but nice try!

      • MPG ..... September 21, 2014 at 10:05 pm #

        Gazinga!!!!!

  7. ANOTHER JUDE September 21, 2014 at 5:53 pm #

    Sammy the nature loving ex teacher has always been the comic turn at the DUP conference, I don`t suppose he has a lot of competition for that role, judging by some of the stern faces normally seen there. I have always thought he had a sneering, sarcastic turn of phrase, ready to put someone down with a `witty` insult or two. I don`t really hold out much hope for the party until the likes of Sammy and Gregory and co. are gone. They are just too, how can I say this, old school.

  8. Perkin Warbeck September 21, 2014 at 5:56 pm #

    A golden autumn day indeed – with a Sam-enchanted afternoon.

    Difficult to understand at times why exactly Sammy Wilson looks down on the Free Southern Stateen so disparagingly, apart from the obvious geographical one.

    For instance, if he had logged into the Bogball Final on the green, green grass of Croke Park today he would have seen many things to gladden his wee Britivic orange heart. There he would have seen a venue which has been graced in the past by many fabulous displays from the green and golden footballers of the Kingdom of Yerra being made to resemble Croke Parkhead, in the numbingly boring Northern Britain.

    With the emphasis on systems, swarm defences and other shocker soccer tactics, the Zzzzzz in the Z of Sir Bob Z. Geldoff was evoked, with its emphasis on grey matter rather than red-blooded bravura. Wee Jimmy’s losing match ups.

    ‘Peil’ is the Leprechaun (GRMA, Sammy for reminding us of the ancient name of the lingua franca of the lesser folk) for ‘football’; the way the Ulster team, which has Killybegs as its main port of call, plays it now it is has truly become ‘pelagic’. Thus, there was a certain p. justice about the shoals of mackerel grey clouds which lazily swam across the seablue sky high above.

    The rancid scent of rotten mackerel hung heavily over the stadium, and you didn’t have to be from Donegal to catch it.

    Even the county which numbers Dingle among his singular portfolio of coastal towns has taken to playing the ‘pelagic’ way. Their Leprechaun word for football, curiously enough, is ‘caid’ which is pronounced ‘cod’. Indeed, it has become such a joke now that the Irish Fillum Industry is thinking of making a follow up to the John Cleese comedy classic; to be called, perhaps, ‘A Fish Called Rhonda’

    Not sure if Sammy is that keen on sport, apart from cross country running, but if he had chanced to tune in the RTE radio before the game he would have heard other things to give his wee sash a pebble dash of pash. Not least the Marian Finucane Show. Now there are those simple folk who have no idea how Hamlet’s oul fella must have felt before he croaked it:

    ‘Sleeping within my orchard
    My custom always of the afternoon
    Upon my secure hour thy uncle stole
    With juice of cursed hebenon in a vial
    And in the porches of my ears did pour
    The leprous distilment’.

    Sore thing indeed that ‘cursed hebenon’ as Perkie’s Inner Masochist can well tell you. For the rather prim PIM looks upon it as his Sabbath duty to turn the porches of his ears to this particular Wireless Show. Just to see what form Auntie Marian inveterate anti-GAA girlie bias will take.

    She never lets her most constant listener down. He did not have long to wait this All-Ireland morning before letting out his usual unholy exclamation: ‘holy leperous distilment !’

    As it happened, on Saturday night one of Dublin’s sparkling stars, Johnny Cooper was knifed in an uprovoked attack even as night’s tight corset had begun to slacken around the waist of Dorset Street, as he was making his way home. Home being in the not too distant direction of Glasnevin. Nothing at all unusual in such a nocturnal occurrence in the capital city of the Free Southern Stateen.

    So, how would Auntie Marian deal with this rather unavoidable little news item even as she leafed through the headlines of the Sundays? With no little difficulty it must be sadly said. Now, bear in mind that the said J. Cooper, victim, is a native of the same parish as the anti-GAA Aunt Marian, to wit, Glasnevin, it was plain she had no idea who this celebrated Gaelic/Bogball footballer was. (The mischievous malcontents are no doubt muttering: ‘or at least Dame Dosh pretended she didn’t’).

    Any way, after mucho ‘h. and p.’ (she is always careful to give wit a berth of some width) she eventually, through gritted teeth huffed and puffed, not easy to do while one is holding one’s elegant nose, with….’well, we wish Mister Cooper all the best and hope he makes a speedy recovery and so on and so forth’.

    ‘Mister” if you don’t mind.

    Before introducing her first distinguished guest of All-Ireland Morning, a prominent player seemingly of the Irish Women’s Rugga Team, more corset than Dorset, whose name one failed to catch. Though it could well have been, for the day that was in it, Samantha. Perkie’s inner masochist stayed with the prog till the b. end but despite this, failed to find out that which intrigues him most about the Gentler Brand of Egg-chasing: what is a ‘hooker’ called on a female rugga team?

    Mention has already been made by PW of one of Ireland’s foremost sportsmen John ‘Johnnie’ Giles’s failure to utter a solitary syllable, for or against, pro or con, to or fro, about the game to decide the destination of Irelands’ DD cup in Erin go Bra: Sam, during the 30 minutes he had the microphone on a ‘preview’ of the game last Thursday on Newstalk.

    Thus, both Auntie Marian and Freeman of Dublin City to be, J.’J’ Giles comfortably fit into the category of ‘Anti-SAMites’.

    The kind Sammy Wilson would get along fine and d. with. Come on down, sometime, Sommy, the Free Southern Stateen has a lot as well as a lotto going for it.

    PS A most thoughtful and tasty dessert, Esteemed Blogmeister. Compliments to the chef. Right up there with such delights as Spotted Dick, Baked Alaska and Krakow Ginger itself.

    And on a par with that other iconic interview of the not so distant past, the one in which the deceptively desultory Dame Edna tossed the following at one half of Mutt and Jeffrey Archer: ‘tell me, Jeffrey, do you have a sense of humour?’ To which JA, after a suitable time spent pondering, replied: ‘Of course I have, Dame Edna: as a MP one just could not survive’.

    Upon which the shedevilishly devious Dame pounced: ‘ Which is just as well, dear Jeffrey, because if you hadn’t, you’d have missed perhaps the biggest joke of all !’

  9. Freddy Mallins September 21, 2014 at 8:13 pm #

    “You ‘ere on ‘oliday then?’ Just love that line from Ali. Haven’t seen clip in a while. In the manner of caricature, it gives an insight into how the English view it as absurd when people from NI refer to themselves as British. We’re all Paddies to them.

    • paddykool September 21, 2014 at 10:32 pm #

      Yeah…but …has our Wee Sammy ever lived in England …among Englishmen and women? ….I, personally have no idea but I’d imagine if he had in the past that he might have a little more perspective.. my feeling is that he, like many of his party , have a very insular idea of how they are viewed. To allow old Ali G to fillet him in such a manner only exposes his ideas of “humour” as that under-developed niche that passes for wit and drollery in Nornneverland.The same awful lack of clarity that exposés us to the dreadful local adverts or the “Give my head Peace ” easy antics of our local television programming.Sammy’s blunt wit is the kind of crassness that is fine for the dimwits of his creationist party members but is a howling embarrassment anywhere else….

  10. Newry Nuck September 22, 2014 at 2:18 am #

    Neill I’m interested in knowing where these jobs are supposed to come from as there are 10’s of thousands unemployed and only a few hundred jobs available at the most in the North.

    And if you want to cut benefits completely I’d suggest you lock up the family silver and increase your home security because people with nothing have nothing to lose.

    • neill September 22, 2014 at 7:08 pm #

      There are plenty of jobs however people have become accustomed to living on benefits they have to be weaned of them painful but very necessary

      • Pointis September 23, 2014 at 7:31 am #

        Neill, maybe you would grace us all with some statistics about the numbers of un filled jobs available here capable of supporting a family. I know you are an intelligent man who doesn’t need to resort to the lazy urban myths of the Tory right and their puppets here.

        Should I wait for a well researched response or look for a new topic to read?

        • neill September 23, 2014 at 7:36 pm #

          I will say this again until benefits are pruned back people will take the easy way out and not work.

          Pointis your an old bleeding heart liberal give them all alms!

  11. Cal September 22, 2014 at 11:09 am #

    Can anyone else see SF agreeing to ‘limited’ welfare cuts in return for greater fiscal powers being devolved ?

  12. Catholicus September 22, 2014 at 1:50 pm #

    Sinn Fein position on welfare is nonsensical. It’s not a devolved matter and has to be implemented. Grand-standing to avoid embarrassmet in the south is ridiculous as a policy.

    • Pointis September 23, 2014 at 7:36 am #

      Catholicus,

      Go back and do your homework! The Tory inspired cuts to welfare currently under review do not “have to be implemented”!

      Could do better!

  13. ANOTHER JUDE September 22, 2014 at 11:06 pm #

    Sinn Féin are quite right to stand up to the Tories, they don`t need to `grand stand` to avoid embarrassment in the twenty six counties. It would fit the Unionists better to stand up for their voters, including the thousands condemned to a poor standard of living due to their continued support for the eleven plus. As for spongers living off the state, what about the royal family?

  14. ANOTHER JUDE September 23, 2014 at 11:19 am #

    Sinn Féin at least are trying to take the Tories on, they deserve credit for that. It would fit the Unionists better to join them rather than constantly toady to their English masters. What about the thousands of their constituents who are in poverty thanks to the cuts? The shipyard soup kitchen is history and they can`t rely on `security` jobs.

    • neill September 23, 2014 at 7:38 pm #

      Sf taking on Tories over welfare cuts thats funny really funny!