YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS!! by Harry McAvinchy


you cannot be serious 1

I’m having a John McEnroe moment . You might  remember the tennis player’s exasperated outcry  at Wimbleton all those years ago. He was a “punk” tennis player back  then …a  Young  Turk of Tennis, prone to explosions of ire and fury….Very, very entertaining amid the strawberries and cream decorum and all that  blazered gentility. He would have a temper tantrum after some slight or judgement , smash his racquet to the ground and scream to the heavens…”YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS!!!!@#+##!!??##***##!!!

That’s me there with smoke seeping out of my ears, disbelief written across my face and a withering smile on my lips….I’m in the moment…

Maybe I heard the piece wrong. i could have sworn there was something on the radio or television to the effect that someone had proposed a junket to take our politicians away to some lovely quiet spa and hold seminars to better train them for public life.The idea seems to be that our politicians should be better prepared to project a more rounded image of themselves .Could it be that they’ll be given stylists and dressers? It has been suggested that they may need help in projecting their voice, brushing their newly- straightened  teeth, making sure their fly is done up , their tie straight and knotted in a proper Windsor…. and possibly teaching them how to speak properly and write actual meaningful speeches that really make sense.It sounds like one of those old “Charm schools” that film studios used to prepare Monica from Hoboken  for the bright starry lights of glamour in her new role as the  huskily- spoken “Temptress of Zanzibar” or somesuch.

There could be specialist lessons in getting your size sixteen foot out of your mouth or how to tell lies with a straight face .Maybe there will be seminars on strengthening your fingernails as a first step in how best to cling onto the powerful well-paid position you have somehow luckily fallen into …and how to retain that salary for many years to come.

There was me thinking that you were supposed to be  already in possession of those walking , talking  skills of presentation, profundity  and performance before you threw your hat in the political ring in the first place.Now there is the appearance of turning political life into another branch of the entertainment business…possibly even part of this “celebrity culture” that many seem to be in thrall to..

Not only that, it is signalling to these people that their political status is actually a proper career and a job with a future ; a job , rather than a vocation. I think there’s something very wrong in giving any politician that kind of succour .It’s always best to keep them on a knife edge , wobbling precariously at the brink of  coming failure.

Then again , maybe I missheard the thing entirely .Someone is bound to shout very loudly …”YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS!!!” Where are the John McEnroes when we need them?.

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3 Responses to YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS!! by Harry McAvinchy

  1. Colmán January 17, 2015 at 12:25 am #

    “A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing.” (Oscar Wilde)

    • paddykool January 17, 2015 at 11:39 am #

      And look how poor old Oscar ended up, Colman….”Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
      “…{Groucho Marx}

      • paddykool January 17, 2015 at 5:21 pm #

        By the way Jude , you’ve chopped an “e” out of my name above, somehow…i feel short-changed !!