I had just placed my third spoonful of Rice Krispies in my mouth this morning and was about to chew and swallow, when I heard the voice of that fine fair-minded man Nelson McCausland coming from my radio. Nelson as you probably know was educated at Worcester College, Oxford. That venerable institution also produced Rupert Murdoch and Woodrow Wyatt, a high-class hack who was also well in with the Queen Mother and Rupert M. I just mention that in case your sectarian mind has the the idea that Nelson is merely some sort of bearded be-kilted loon.
Anyway, back at the breakfast table, Nelson is talking about a reconciliation event he was speaking at along with Declan Kearney. I gather the idea was to look at ways in which progress could be made in bringing together those who have been for so long divided in this corner of the island. Nelson, having been to Oxford, saw through this for the sham that it was. Sinn Féin had started this drive of theirs in 2012 …Yes I know, I thought they started about fifteen years earlier than that, but if Nelson says it was 2012 then it was 2012. The drive was not any real effort to become reconciled with fellow Ulstermen – it was in fact a ploy to lull unionists into a united Ireland. What’s more, it’s only a tiny minority of Protestants and Catholics who want a united Ireland: the great majority are happy where they are, in the arms of Mother Britain. (I should add that Nelson didn’t talk about being dandled on the knee or in the arms of Mother Britain – I did, to make the thing a bit more, um, alive.) Where were we?…Oh right – reconciliation for Nelson is another word for hoodwink, and if the Shinners think they’re going to dupe unionists by making overtures of friendship and reconciliation, they won’t lull Nelson into any illusion about their real motives.
Smart man, that Nelson McC. You don’t get into Worcester College just by buying a bottle of their sauce. I hadn’t realised that the whole reconciliation thing by the Shinners was twenty-four carat bogus and a ruse to do down unionism. The fiends. I for one consider myself lucky to have had my eyes opened this morning by the totally non-sectarian Nelson and I can tell you, I finished my Rice Krispies a sadder but a wiser man. Go raibh maith agat, Nelson. That’s leprechaun for ‘Thank you’.