Two men at a bus-stop

103060749First Man:  What do you think of those polls today?

Second Man: Bloody ridiculous

First Man: Well yes, I suppose  if you put too much faith in them –

Second Man: Exactly!  That was the mistake I made. I should never have trusted them. But the guy next door said he got one to fix the tap in his kitchen  so I figured I’d give them a go.

First Man: I’m not sure I –

Second Man: Oh he fixed it all right. Not saying he didn’t. But then he said he’d prefer cash in hand. The neck of him – and him a bloody immigrant in this country! Should be counting his lucky stars I paid him at all.

First Man: Ah. I see now. There’s been a mix-up. I was talking about the polls –

Second Man: So was I. Bunch of bleedin’ chancers.

First Man: No, not Poles from Poland. The polls in the Irish Times today.

Second Man: What about them?

First Man:  Well, Stephen Collins did a whole column on them today – about how Fine Gael and Labour are doing really really well.

Second Man: Mmm. Anybody else doing well?

First Man: Well you have to read down a good bit in Stephen’s column, but he says Sinn Féin are doing pretty well, despite all the sex abuse and stuff.

Second Man: So how far behind Fine Gael and Labour are the Shinners?

First Man: Well actually they’re level on 24% with Fine Gael and 17% ahead of Labour.

Second Man: Wel, what about Fianna Fail? I like that Micheal guy even he does look a bit sly  I bet they’re well ahead of the whole shebang.

First Man: Well no, actually. They’re 6% behind Fine Gael and the Shinners.

Second Man:  Did your man Collins not find something negative to say about the Shinners? And don’t say the sex abuse thing – he’s said that a hundred times already.

First Man: He notes their support in Dublin has slipped back.

Second Man: That’s good.

First Man: But it’s improved in Connaught-Ulster.

Second Man: Shower of bleedin’ culchies.

First Man: And they get most of their vote from the poorest people. The further up the social scale you go, the less votes the Shinners get.

Second Man: There you are – it’s what I always say.  People with a bit of money know how to think. Smart, you see. That’s why they’re rich. And don’t vote for the Shinners.

First Man: And older people don’t vote for them much.

Second Man:  That’s wisdom of the years for you. Don’t get taken in by that bunch of Northern corner-boys. Any other good news?

First Man: Not that I can think of.

Second Man:  I must write to the Irish Times and tell them to keep on putting the boot in.

First Man: To the Poles?

Second Man: Well yes, them too. But mainly the Shinners. Don’t like  that Adams guy – him and his beard. He can’t even speak English right, never mind Irish.  Bad as the bleedin’ Poles – he should never have been allowed into our country. Stay above where he belongs.

First Man: Well –

Second Man: Here’s my bus… Good God – would you look at that –  a bloody African driving my bus! I’ve a good mind not to get on. Bleedin’ disgrace. Country’s gone to hell.

First Man : Mind yourself.

7 Responses to Two men at a bus-stop

  1. Bangordub March 26, 2015 at 5:24 pm #

    You only noticing this now Jude/ 😉

    • giordanobruno March 27, 2015 at 8:34 am #

      I presume so, as he has certainly never mentioned it before,

  2. Ryan March 26, 2015 at 6:29 pm #

    Constant anti SF media campaign, accusations (accusations is the key word) of sex abuse scandals, the baggage of the troubles being dragged up at every opportunity (of course the WHOLE troubles was the Shinners fault) , etc and yet the Shinners are still riding high in the polls. What will the media throw at SF next? the Kitchen sink? No, they have already tried that many times over the years but I still wouldn’t rule it out as an option. The media has got to come up with a new plan to sink those northerners……maybe Ruth Dudley Edwards has some new ideas?

    Fine Gael has gone up in the polls? Well, I’m sure they will continue to climb the polls, especially when they’re taking money directly from peoples hard earned wages to pay the Water Charge….

  3. ANOTHER JUDE March 26, 2015 at 6:48 pm #

    The sad thing is that conversation probably did take place somewhere! On a totally unrelated point, Gregory Campbell, speaking on the local news about the UDA (how come nobody is asking WHY they are still around?) shooting of a man in Coleraine, said the people behind it have to explain why they did it. Hypocrisy.

  4. Iolar March 26, 2015 at 7:31 pm #

    Céad míle fáilte romhaibh

    It is not difficult to spot evidence of civil war politics, mind sets conditioned by partition and gombeenism on a daily basis in the media. Paddywhackery was in full swing last week replete with top hats, fake beards, fairies and leprechauns with buckles on their shoes. Leprechauns are largely based on caricatures and stereotypes of the Irish and it is evident that many in the media wish to perpetuate such nonsense.

    The greatest myth is that there are differences in the policies of Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael. Another myth is that things are getting better. If so why do tens of thousands take to the street to protest about the imposition of a tax on water? Do things really get better by jailing individuals who exercise their right to protest about this stealth tax? It would be worth canvassing opinion on such a controversial issue. I suspect that popularity ratings might not reflect the findings of the current poll.

    The spin doctors are hard at work. Electoral promises are being made as in days of yore. Time will tell if the polls are correct and we remain the island of saints and scholars.

  5. Perkin Warbeck March 26, 2015 at 7:53 pm #

    One felt a bit, oops, a tad like The Third Man after reading your dialogue for today, Esteemed Blogmeister.

    Reason being one got mixed up between this Stephen Collins and that Stephen Collins. But that’s what happens when one finds oneself standing at a bus stop: you wait and wait for one Stephen Collins and then, lo and b., two SC’s come along at the one and the same time.

    It is the reason why Perkie prefers to tool around in his 5-door hatchback Audi, having being won over by their bionic and iconic advert ‘Vorsprung durch Technik’. Advancement through technology has been, ar ndoigh, a core Warbeckian value for yonks and even predates, if the eccenctrric memoirs of Sir Humphrey David Warbeck are to be believed, the dark, satanic mills of the Industrial Revolution theyselves..

    Indeed the reason why one wasn’t tooling around in his Volkswagon-groupie vehicle is because it was getting its leopard spot upholstery changed. And the reason why one wasn’t o’tooling around is because one dropped the o’ on finding out the Audi is not in point of fact named after Audi Murphy of both horse opera and horse power fame, after all.

    Fact of the matter, it was the thought of these very dark satanic mills which caused the confusion in Perkie’s inner pugilist: the name Stephen Collins transported him back to the horse jumping arena in Millstreet and the bout with Chris Eubanks for the right to wear the World Middleweight Criossss/Belt around his middle.

    That Stephen Collins, aka The Celtic Warrior, famously enlisted the assistance of Yoga Guru, Tony Quinn for the occasion and had him as his corner, boy, down in Rebel Cork, like.. Which may also have been a factor in Perkie’s confusion. For this Stephen Collins, aka The Ranger Warrior, to whom the First Man at the Bus stop was actually referring also comes across as one who functions under the influence of a hypnotherapist.

    Being much given to the uttering of mantras, rather than the going to the rather troublesome bovver of actually coming up with an original thought even once in a very Blue moon..

    This would be Stephen Collins of The Unionist Times. Who perhaps functions under the influence of a hynoterrapin such is the slow, column-inch crawling pace he travels at, not least when it comes to getting to a paragraph which might, just might have something not incredibly destructive, like, to say about the Shinners.

    Why is this so? Could be because Stephen Collins was on the payroll of the Irish Dependent before he jumped ship to paddle across the Liffey to join its more sniffy sister paper, The Unionist Times? Where tut-tut-ing is the preferred sound of disapproval unlike the hissy-hissing which is the chosen noise of blackballing and catcalling of the Egos and Superegos at the ID ?

    During his stint at the Irish Dependent, when it was under the benign and unobtrusive ownership of one who once operated a mint but is now, alas, skint ( a moment’s sorrowful reflection on the fate, begorra, of Sir Tones, for it is he ! as his fall from grace might be our’s tomorra) its editorial offices were located on the other side of Abbey Street from the monastic HQ of L. Ron Hubbard, where none other than Tony Quinn served his novitiate.

    It is surmised that this might have been a factor in the Egos and Superegos of the ID of Sir Tony to adopt the custom of the loyal subjects of the island of New Ireland in the South Pacific to refer to their beloved monarch, by the friendly informal form of : ‘Missus Kwin’.

    Oh, what a beautiful morning paper !

    Or, alternatively, it may well just have been, that daily embodiment of the humdrum, a mere coincidence.

    It was – and still is – in the post-Stephen Collins Irish Dependent normal for the pages of this paper of Celtic Keyboard Warriors to regularly gloat that there is more Polish to be heard spoken on the polished streets of Dublin that there is leprechaun.

    Or, should that be, Lublin, perhaps?

    Right now, and for all this week Dublin is being twinned with Lublin as the annual Polksa Festival is celebrated in the polka dot prose of the Egos and Superegos of the ID and under the editorihip of a Yerra the Kerry Polka is river danced along the banks of Lublin sur Diffey.

    All the ABL’s are out in force this week and will be right up the Aviva Stadium (unlike Croke Park, the finished article) cheering on the Boyz in Green.

    This would be the,erm, ‘Best Fans in the World’ as they so modestly describe themselves, and while they might have bovver spelling ‘Countess’ never mind ‘Markievicz’ never mind addressing her, they will still win the hearts of the world , whatever about the World Cup. Even as they stand for an hour or two in the rain soaked terraces of Dusterorf after being hockeyed by the Germans, cheerfully chorusing ‘The Doktor Feelgoods of Athenry’.

    Not oddly enough what Dec the Neck, aka Game for a Scaff Lynch one of the Superegos ofthe ID classified under E for Eejitry but what Darby O’Gill, aka The Dog Turd Man, has been known to mutter into his goblet of poteen / a chruiscin lan de ghruaim :The heirs of the DOG.

    Or – agus ,mo leithsceal to one’s Polish pals- what der Jerries claim:

    – Vorsprung durch Technik.

    Little vonder that Pollawaddy has been earmaked by the successors to Stephen Collins, aka The Celtic Keyboad Warrior, as being lebensraum for the Polegallowgalsses.

    Go figure, as they like to put it.

  6. IrelandSaoirse March 26, 2015 at 8:19 pm #

    Eamon Dunphy was right, this country is a kip.