MRS WHITE RIDES AGAIN by Harry McAvinchey

MRS WHITE 1

I just thought you’d all need to read this .There was some discussion about “Mrs White” some time ago  and I must admit I had problems initially believing that she was, in reality , no more than a comical construct cobbled together  by a team of writers with the idea of selling the creation to a television company to make a comedy series. I’d heard her  emotings on local radio and assumed that someone was doing a “Mrs Brown’s Boys” satirical sequence, or the like .

But no. I  admit that I was wrong .Mrs White , a latter-day , much more vigorous reincarnation of that 1960’s icon Mrs Whitehouse , scourge of all things liberal , is actually and near -unbelievably , a real -life living and breathing, blood and bone human being .

She exists! There , I’ve said it.

Out there in the world there is a woman , again standing for election,  in the Fermanagh and Omagh district in Norneverland, with some  really quite extraordinary views.She has issued an electioneering list of some twenty- odd pledges.

That is “odd” in both senses of the word. Some of her views would rival anything the Nazis could come up with. The current list of pledges is as follows, as transcribed from her  leaflet and every one of them could fuel a debate for the next year or so..

They read , under the heading….

“Biblically correct NOT politically correct” :

I pledge to …

1.Close the Mary Stopes Abortion clinic

2.Oppose the extension of the 1967 Abortion Act of Northern Ireland

3.Remove State sponsored amoral sex education from schools

4.Restore corporal punishment to schools

5.Uphold parental rights to discipline children, including the right to smack

6.Raise the age of consent for sexual intercourse to 18 and enforce the new law

7.Make it an offence to to give contraceptives to underage children

8.Oppose the LGBT agenda, whilst showing compassion to those who struggle with gender confusion.

9.Oppose the redefinition of marriage and uphold Biblical man/woman marriage.

10.Ban gay pride parades and recriminalise homosexuality.

11.Stop the State funding of LGBT organisations.

12.Make adultery a punishable offence.

13.Abolish the Equality Commission NI and the Human Rights Commission NI and give the money they receive to the NHS.

14.Oppose feminism and restore dignity to the role of the -stay-at -home-mother.

15.Restore the concept of the family wage with the father as bread-winner.

16.Oppose the legislation of dangerous drugs.

17.Protect the NHS and increase funding by abolishing unecessary and moneywasting bureaucrats and quangos.

18.Withdraw from money-wasting and decadent Europe.

19.Oppose the global warming fanatics and their pseudo science.

20.Imprison those found guilty of animal cruelty, including those involved in dog fights.

21.Install CCTV in all abbatoirs

22.Ban halal slaughter.

23.Oppose the Islamistion of British culture- no more mosques and no more mosque extensions.

24.Restore capital punishment for murder, including terrorist murders.

It would be easier for me to pick out the few  pledges  from here that I think might fly for me  personally ,of course. My list would be very short; mostly to do with issues of animal cruelty .I think those are the ones I’d agree on and I would have no real argument with .As for the remainder of the list…well it strikes me as  a  timely reminder as to how far we have come as a society and the fears that this progression has engendered.Mrs White appears to be a person living in some fear of progress and her ability to deal with a more complicated world.In that she is something of a symbol for all that is wrong in certain quarters of Norneverland.Is it possible that anyone could be so out of step with the 21st century as this proposed politician ?If you were thinking that the DUP or the TUV were the rump of the unenlightened, here we have  a maximum strength version …as if  from the shores of their wildest members’ dreams.She is an Independent candidate, of course.

Mrs White’s vision of proposed future will most probably be lost in the morass of the election , along with her deposit ,but I’m left thinking how this would -be- politician squares her pledges 14 and 15  which are as follows….

“14.Oppose feminism and restore dignity to the role of the -stay-at -home-mother.

15.Restore the concept of the family wage with the father as bread-winner.”

..with the idea of attempting to become a full-time , working politician . Mrs. White , for all her enthusiasm , very obviously doesn’t do joined -up thinking.

Maybe it’s just as well.

14 Responses to MRS WHITE RIDES AGAIN by Harry McAvinchey

  1. Belfastdan April 29, 2015 at 2:06 pm #

    God help the poor woman. It was only a few weeks ago that she found out that LGBT wasn’t a sandwich!

    • paddykool April 30, 2015 at 8:11 am #

      I like it ,Belfastdan!!

  2. Jim Neeson April 29, 2015 at 2:52 pm #

    This woman is so bigoted she thinks the DUP and TUV are too left wing!!!

  3. Iolar April 29, 2015 at 2:53 pm #

    If in doubt, say it with conviction.

  4. Sherdy April 29, 2015 at 4:52 pm #

    Mrs Lilywhite says she would show compassion for those struggling with gender confusion.
    But what if they are not confused – that they know they are gay and are content with their situation?
    Will her compassion not extend to those people?
    You know, I always thought time travel was a fanciful idea from the time of Dan Dare.
    But here we have a woman – a wonderwoman – who seems to have arrived straight from the 18th century.
    I am sure most people, straight or otherwise, will show her compassion.

  5. michael c April 29, 2015 at 5:33 pm #

    If item 12 in her manifesto was to be strictly enforced, my local village could fill an entire H block!

    • dededeoprofundis April 29, 2015 at 9:16 pm #

      Where would it leave her future king and queen?

  6. Pointis April 29, 2015 at 7:29 pm #

    Her views are not a stones throw away from radical Islamists!

    I wouldn’t be at all surprised if there wasn’t a very sad story behind those extreme beliefs!

    • paddykool April 30, 2015 at 8:28 am #

      Somewhere along the way I gathered that Mrs White was home-educated. This may or may not be right, but if her social experience was equally isolated and unworldly, it may explain or at least go some way, to understanding her worldview.It might be akin to living within a tight social group with only a library full of biblical and religious tracts for sustenance. What if she has never read any of the great writers of the world or even a little pulp fiction?
      Many people, for example exist under such parental or familial control that they have never seen anything on television { I know …sometimes I feel like throwing the bugger out too!}….or are not allowed to listen to music , for example.You might think that it is strange , but there are and were people who viewed …say…. dancing, as obscene. Rock and roll and blues music has been called the “Devil’s Music , for example, basically because it has to do with real-life sex, lust and loss. If you believed in devils in the first place , that idea might make some weird kind of sense to you , don’t you think?
      If a large part of your education was a literal interpretation of the Bible, for example, you might believe in miracles or angels too.That might be the environment you were raised in and you may never have questioned its veracity …It would certainly create problems for you when it rubbed up against the reality of real-world logic; the kind of logic that actually drives the world in the first place.
      Mrs White’s views would always seem extreme to anyone with a much broader education.

  7. Freddy Mallins April 30, 2015 at 8:21 am #

    I think her number 13 speaks volumes for the belief system and world view of extreme unionism. Basically, ban human rights and equality for Taigs and outsiders.

  8. Francis April 30, 2015 at 9:23 am #

    Its a pity of her as they say. When reading it I assumed she was DUP, UU or TUV. They have some choice members among their entourage. While I agree there is obviously some sadness behind the woman, her upbringing, conditioning and experience, I am also aware that such imbecilic notions can quickly transform into political power given the right conditions or circumstances. Het views ate also I agree, not far away from literal Sharia law. Then again, this Evangelical view of things takes its edicts from the same old testament. Ironic,that the Judeo, Christian and Islamic faiths are hold to heart the illuminations of these poisonous old Scrolls. I hope she finds peace, is never left alone with kids, and sees her election tally sheet unblemished by Xs after Polling day.

    • paddykool April 30, 2015 at 4:44 pm #

      Aw… Francis…If she didn’t come across as so madly driven in her virulence, she might barter some sympathy, but i haven’t much time for martyrs or fanatics with Joan of Arc complexes, who draw their inspiration from cosmic deities of their own imaginings.Sure …they are to be pitied but they are every bit as dangerous as the fanatics sacrificing themselves for their extreme Islamic views or what about our own home -grown demagogue the Rev Ian. Look how far he went with the madness….until the buggers all turned on him and ate his corpse!!. It’ll all end badly for mrs White, i’m afraid…. just like the bold Joan …flames licking around her nethers…..

  9. michael c April 30, 2015 at 3:57 pm #

    I seem to recall a “mrs White” expressing similar views a number of times on the Nolan show.I recall laughing at her outbursts but never thought she was going to try and oust Pat Doherty!

  10. Pointis May 1, 2015 at 11:46 am #

    Is it likely she was given a heavy dose the slipper as a young girl?

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