Peter Weir and the Big One

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All right, children – sit up straight, arms folded, pay attention. My name is Peter Weir and I’m in charge of all the schools in Ulster. Since you are the people who will be mainly affected by the plans I have, I want you to be the first to know what they are. Everyone listening?

First of all, I’m going to encourage schools to discover who are oranges and who are lemons.  That means in your last year here in primary school – maybe even your last year and a half – you’ll be doing lots of practice tests so you’re ready for the Big One when you get to P7. What is the Big One? Tbat’s the exam that lets us adults know if you’re an orange or a lemon.

I know some people say that if the Big One tells us who’s an orange and who’s a lemon (two-thirds of you will be lemons, by the way), what’s the point in having practice tests – the Big One will tell us what you are and no amount of practice tests will change an orange into a lemon. Well, I want you to know we see the problem there but we in the Democratic Unionist Party are working on it and when we can think of a good reason, we’ll let you know.

Now I must tell you that not everyone thinks the Big One is a good idea. On the British Mainland, for example – that’s England I’m talking about – the government under that nice woman Mrs May, they’re planning to bring the Big One back there as well. But like ourselves – I mean us in the DUP – Mrs May has enemies who don’t want to have the Big One brought back. A man called Alan Millburn, who’s in charge of the government’s social mobility commission – that’s the group that checks whether people can become big shots if they really really try – Mr Milburn says bringing back the Big One would divide schools into Us and Them. He says richer people are much more likely to pass the Big One and so show themselves to be oranges, than poorer people are. And another man, Sir Michael Wilshaw, who’s the Chief Inspector of schools there, says that bringing back the Big One will mean grammar schools – that’s the school where oranges go – will be “stuffed full of middle-class kids. Only a tiny percentage- 3% – are on free school meals”. And Sir Michael has said also that to bring back lots of grammar schools – that’s the kind of school that oranges go to – would be “tosh and nonsense”. He says very few children from poorer homes will pass the Big One and become oranges . Most poorer children will discover they’re lemons, which is a bitter thing to find out.

And sadly, there are some people here in Ulster who say that it’s children whose parents don’t have much money – they are the children who are failing in our schools at present. And some people say bringing back the Big One here will be a step back into the past, will make things even worse. Well what I say to them is, what’s wrong with the past?

The past gave us 1690, when we had – hands? – that’s right, children, the Battle of the Boyne. The past brought us the Signing of the …anyone? That’s right, the Ulster Covenant in – anyone? Little boy at the back? Quite right, 1912. Well done. And the past brought us a Protestant parliament for a Protestant people, and I’d like to see the person who would deny that that was a Very Good Thing.

You see, children, many adults today sigh and wish we were back in the Good Old Days, when everyone had a good time on the Twelfth of July,  the bands marched wherever they wanted, and Catholics were content with their lot and cheered as loud as anyone when the Kick The Pope bands went past.

So, children , if your parents are among those who sigh for the Good Old Days, we have good news. By bringing back the Big One, we’ll help restore the clear marking line between oranges and lemons, between Smart People and Stupid People, between people who make lots of money and people who have hardly any. That’s the natural way in which God has arranged for things to be, so who are we to try and twist things in defiance of the Almighty? Some earlier Ministers for Education, especially Sinn Féin ones, did try to act against God’s plan, but I’m happy to say they were resisted, and they will finally be defeated once we get the Big One up and running for everyone.

So when you go home this evening, children, I want you to tell your mammy and daddy  that the Department of Education is back in safe hands, DUP hands. That we’re going to arrange for lots of time to be spent in schools doing practice exams, so when you come to do the Big One in P7, you’ll be able to give it your best shot. Yes, it’s true that no matter how hard you try, two-thirds of you will discover you’re lemons, and that  can be a bitter experience. But I promise you, in a short time you’ll get used to it and when you grow up, you’ll know your place and you’ll be a lot happier.

So thank God, we’ve got rid of the anti-God notions that were being promoted by some previous Ministers of Education. They wanted to make everyone smart, but sure we know that’s impossible and when people try to twist education to make it happen, they only make God sad. Or even angry. So what is the message you should bring home this evening? It is that God’s in his heaven and all is – or very soon will be – right with the education world.

Now children, if you’d just stand, we’ll sing the first two verses of God Save The Queen….No I did not say two verses of God Help Us All. This is our national anthem and it’s about saving Her Majesty, not about helping us all.

All together then: “God save our noble Queen…”

42 Responses to Peter Weir and the Big One

  1. moser September 8, 2016 at 9:09 am #

    Thought that was the title for Peter Weir’s new film. The Big One. Could be a film about a giant Bee called Harry, that flies around Norneverland giving free jars of honey to all the school children.

    • paddykool September 8, 2016 at 11:31 am #

      Dear sweet Jeezis …they’ll be trying to make a saint out of me next….where did it all go wrong?

      • moser September 9, 2016 at 2:26 pm #

        Lol Harry.

  2. Antaine de Brún September 8, 2016 at 9:25 am #

    There is a danger that we continue to confuse education with schooling. The very name of a certain college generates the image of an internment camp from time to time on this blog. Surely there is no rhyme or reason in a process which attempts to drill learning into pupils as a substitute for relating to pupils, inviting them as Dewey put it to view education as:

    “a process of living and not a preparation for future living.”

    Learning is a process, part of living in the world and an outcome, an appreciation of cultural diversity throughout the world.

    There is conflicting evidence in relation to educational outcomes in the north of Ireland given references to oranges and lemons. It would appear that quality education is delivered unequally in this part of the world when one considers societal role models who choose to ignite bonfires while others attend bonfires during the annual tyrefest, and as for some bankers…

  3. Cal September 8, 2016 at 9:31 am #

    A cluster-duck if ever I seen one. We are now, I’d imagine, the only place in the world where public teachers are being paid to use public facilities to tutor for a private exam.

    • paddykool September 8, 2016 at 11:33 am #

      “cluster-duck”…? That’s what happens on a querty keyboard with the “d” lying so close to the “f”, cal!!!!!

  4. fiosrach September 8, 2016 at 9:42 am #

    It’s surprising how this issue has become a fracture – again- between unionist and nationalist. I know that the divisions are not clear cut but, in general, themuns want grammar schools and usuns want non selection. Is it that unionists see it as a class thing and they are already or aspiring middle class whereas the Barbie doll brigade will have to be led, kicking and screaming, away from their heathen native practices and learn to live like protestants. Of course it may be nothing to do with a class or a religious thing and something else entirely. But it’s hard to understand why unionists push this selection so hard when their community performs worst.

    • paddykool September 8, 2016 at 12:56 pm #

      It makes you wonder alright, fiosrach. We really do have these perceptions I suppose . It is my feeling that the DUP is inherently anti-intellectual in very many respects. Their interest in education appears not to be for the education of the mind, per se, but to become and produce income-earning trick -ponies or a financial and political elite which has served unionism well in the past world.They also obviously got on very well having a malleable under-educated working- class which they could feel superior to and easily manipulate to do their bidding and seed with paranoid anti-nationalistic nonsense on occasion.They were avidly against the “working-man” organising in unions , for example. That went against the unionist grain strangely enough. Unionism of one kind was fine ….but unionism of another kind was verboten.
      It doesn’t appear to be an interest in mind -expansion or the arts,(which is what “education” is really supposed to be about ), does it? How could it be about the profound acquisition of knowledge when you consider the close-proximity of ,for example ,the Creationism ethos or the Caleb Foundation , to current unionism and the levers of power, which is about as anti-intellectual and downright dumb as something like the death-cult of ISIS and its assorted mumbo-jumbo..or the profound adhesion to 16th century superstitions, fantasies and religious cant involved in the DUP’s association with things like the Orange Order.
      Darwin, Marx, Freud and Einstein …some of the greatest thinkers humanity ever produced , appear to be the same shared enemies of both ISIS and the Conservative Right across the world…in which I would immediately include unionism, being as they are the ultimate conservatives.As you say….the unionist community,which they appear to represent is faring worse than their nationalist counterparts in the poorer areas and this party have deserted them.
      Fifty years ago the “11+” was seen as the first gate in the separation…as we were constantly reminded by our teachers…of the goats from the sheep. The “goats” were like Jude’s “lemons”, as you no doubt know, so anyone getting into that grammar school was immediately made to feel a “better” person than the guy who didn’t make it .It divided old friends and was every bit as much a demarcation-line as apartheid. We were called “stooodents” rather than “sheep” then and as the line goes , we could never go back “home” again, either.
      It was much the same when it later came to further education at art colleges, universities or the new polys that were popping up.That was yet another dividing line. I’ve always thought that the streaming of virtually unformed young minds ,at such a young age as eleven, was a crazy way to do things.It was even worse back then because there was the feeling that if a fellow failed at that first jump , there really wasn’t a second or third chance to have another go . The pressure was then to get out in your teens and get a job rather than cling on wasting the family’s budget.Unlike today that river simply flowed on and anyone who was left behind had to fend for themselves.It was sink or swim. Many fellows developed at a slower rate or were posibly not so academically inclined anyway but made a great shape for themselves as teenagers at Technical college. Many did better in their chosen fields than the fellows who originally left them behind .So we are not all the same and education works differently for each of us. Some really are one-trick ponies while others are more multi-faceted. Re-introducing this hoary old system of streaming will not really help anyone, but what we really need are really well-educated plumbers who also have an appreciation of literature and science…and the wider picture. The biggest plus for the generation going on to further education after grammar school in the 1960’s and 1970’s was that frre education grant which created a much greater sense of personal freedom than any modern student could ever possibly imagine.

  5. moser September 8, 2016 at 9:45 am #

    Very important issue Jude.

  6. billy September 8, 2016 at 10:15 am #

    why the difference in behaviour of the pupils in these schools.i live between two of them and you can tell without looking at their badges.

  7. Colmán September 8, 2016 at 10:40 am #

    The sad thing is that this is probably a good reflection of his mentality. And yet people let themselves be ruled by these people. Get out and vote!

  8. Daisy Mules September 8, 2016 at 10:46 am #

    Sadly, with this current education Minister’s ruling, children will be coached, from P6 till the November of their P7 year, in very specific ways to ‘pass’ a variety of ‘tests’. It’ll perpetuate division amongst children and further create that sense of ‘failure’ that is so hard to turn around in later years. Shame on the political leaders who continue to separate children and continue to promote class division. Have we learned nothing from excellent education models, such as Finland, which raise the educational standards of all children…not just the so-called ‘elite’? Shame on the DUP especially, who continue to disadvantage many children, creating further inequality, as a direct result of their actions.

  9. Roibeard September 8, 2016 at 10:47 am #

    At GCSE and A level the examinations are offered by commercial awarding bodies;exam boards to you and me.These bodies compete against each other for market share and perceptions arise as to where can candidates can get higher grades with certain awarding bodies.To try to regulate this and to try to achieve comparability of standards Ofqual spends millions on an ongoing basis reviewing standards and procedures with the awarding bodies,including our local body,CCEA.

    The tests being used in the Transfer in the North are being generated by two separate,independent and competing bodies and no comparability studies have been undertaken to compare standards being set by them.The outcomes being generated by these test providers have not been subject to any form of external scrutiny whatsoever.

    Does anyone care?

    • Pointis September 8, 2016 at 5:23 pm #

      Roibeard, these tests are not scrutinised for quality assurance because they have no currency outside of Protestant or Catholic grammar schools in the North. They do not give an equivalent educational bench mark for anything outside of the North or even in the North outside their own parallel sectarian systems.

      They are a very blunt tool for perpetuating educational stigmatisation of children and of shoring up a class system which is fueling the expanding chasm between the haves and the have-nots!

  10. PF September 8, 2016 at 11:01 am #

    An otherwise useful post about an important and mismanaged issue and worthy of some response, but discredited by unnecessary and unrelated anti-unionist rhetoric.

    But why would we let the facts of cross-community Grammar School lobby acting independently and in their own interests get in the way of blaming unionists for every ill?

    If anyone wants to discuss the real problem, Cal hit the nail on the head.

    • Jude Collins September 8, 2016 at 3:19 pm #

      Afraid I don’t agree, PF. It is a fact that unionist politicians favour grammar schools (a right-wing out-dated education system) and republican (and, I think, although not certain, nationalist) politicians are opposed to them. The fact that middle class parents and grammar schools themselves don’t want to change doesn’t alter the central fact that unionist politicians are doing their best to go back to the future…No, on second thoughts, scrap that future.

      • PF September 8, 2016 at 4:28 pm #

        “The fact that middle class parents and grammar schools themselves don’t want to change doesn’t alter the central fact that unionist politicians are doing their best to go back to the future…”

        Jude, ignore the facts if you must, but the Catholic Maintained Grammar Sector is as much in favour of the “right-wing out-dated education system” as any other of its supporters – and they are just as elitist.

        But I for one would not argue that that makes them sectarian – preoccupied with their own self-interest, perhaps, but not sectarian.

        It is intellectually incoherent that you should cite 1690 in a piece about Transfer at 11, not to mention that our children’s educational future is more important than an opportunity for petty point scoring.

        As I said recently, the preoccupation with anti-unionist rhetoric at every turn, is pitiful, if not pathetic.

        I see there was a bus strike in Dublin today, maybe you would like to write an article on how Partition is to blame.

        Meanwhile there is an opportunity for some relevant comment below.

        • Jude Collins September 9, 2016 at 10:26 am #

          “Jude, ignore the facts if you must, but the Catholic Maintained Grammar Sector is as much in favour of the “right-wing out-dated education system” as any other of its supporters – and they are just as elitist.” – The fact that the father down the street is beating his children doesn’t justify my beating my children.

          • PF September 9, 2016 at 11:26 am #

            Jude, the simple point is that this is not a sectarian issue. You made it one – I refuse to accept your bias.

            “The fact that the father down the street is beating his children doesn’t justify my beating my children.”

            Exactly – I rather think you make my point for me.

          • Ryan September 9, 2016 at 6:10 pm #

            “Jude, the simple point is that this is not a sectarian issue. You made it one – I refuse to accept your bias”

            I heard the Orange Order wasn’t sectarian either….

          • PF September 9, 2016 at 9:17 pm #

            So, Ryan, explain what is sectarian about a DUP minister giving Catholic Grammar Schools the right to select their own pupils.

    • Ryan September 8, 2016 at 8:31 pm #

      “But why would we let the facts of cross-community Grammar School lobby acting independently and in their own interests get in the way of blaming unionists for every ill?”

      PF, stating facts isn’t blaming Unionists for every ill. Its better to address what people are saying, dispute it if you can with facts, instead of throwing the toys out of the pram.

      • PF September 9, 2016 at 11:26 am #

        Ryan

        If you can make a factual connection between 1690 and Transfer at 11, I’d be delighted to read it.

        • PF September 9, 2016 at 11:28 am #

          And it may, perhaps, have escaped both your good self, and Jude, that I’m not a particular fan of the current Transfer system.

          Facts?

        • Ryan September 9, 2016 at 6:02 pm #

          “If you can make a factual connection between 1690 and Transfer at 11, I’d be delighted to read it”

          Well that’s easy: both are an example of the Unionist mind set of Supremacy. Unionists regard 1690 as the start of Protestant dominance in Ireland under the threat of ethnic cleansing, discrimination, oppression and even genocide, despite being a small minority. Of course Unionism doesn’t use those words, they say the Battle of the Boyne was a Victory for “Civil and Righteous Liberty” *

          *Except for Catholics and minor Protestant sects who lost favour with the Anglican Church. They were treated with the Penal Laws, not “Civil and Righteous Liberty”.

          The 11 Plus is used by Unionism, as Jude showed, to separate the Oranges and the Lemons. Again, its a supremacist mind set. Under Unionism all Catholics are viewed as Lemons, that goes without saying. Any Catholic that got Uppity was treated with a nice dose of discrimination. Those Protestants who were viewed as lemons were usually working class. The 11 Plus is there to put them in their place, a “get them while their young” philosophy. Unionism knows better than me or you that poorer children don’t stand a chance of passing the 11 Plus, the vast majority of them fail. That leaves plenty of places for Middle Class Unionists or the “right kind” of Unionist for the top jobs in society, aka power and influence (Hence the vicious opposition to Civil Rights Movement). We cant have the odd Rotten Prod getting uppity, can we? The UVF/UDA were full of working class, uneducated Protestants. They even admit themselves they were taking orders from Unionist politicians and they said they ” regret ever listening to them” once these middle class Unionists abandoned them to prison.

          Its a Tory Philosophy PF, it was played out in Britain for centuries and Unionism wants it played out here. The difference is that here in the North there’s a sectarian edge to it, whereas in England it was mostly a battle of the classes. I’m not Communist but Communists are right when they say “The Elite Classes fear the masses of the Working Classes more than anything, that’s why they oppress them”. Boy oh Boy do those Middle Class Protestants fear Working Class Protestants challenging them for their jobs…….that bloody John O’Dowd helping Protestants get more educated…….

          • PF September 9, 2016 at 9:38 pm #

            “Well that’s easy”

            I’m all ears.

            “both are an example of the Unionist mind set of Supremacy.”

            So, let me see (I haven’t read all of your post yet, but a Transfer Test at 11 which enables Catholic admission to a Catholic Grammar School is an “example of the Unionist mind set of Supremacy.”

            This is interesting. (‘Where will he go next?’ one asks oneself.)

            “Unionists regard 1690 as the start of Protestant dominance in Ireland under the threat of ethnic cleansing, discrimination, oppression and even genocide, despite being a small minority. Of course Unionism doesn’t use those words, they say the Battle of the Boyne was a Victory for “Civil and Righteous Liberty” *”

            Yes, and? I’m waiting for the reference to the Catholic Maintained Test curriculum.

            “*Except for Catholics and minor Protestant sects who lost favour with the Anglican Church. They were treated with the Penal Laws, not “Civil and Righteous Liberty”.”

            The Transfer Test, Ryan, get to the point, man.

            “The 11 Plus is used by Unionism”

            It is? In the Catholic maintained Sector? You must enlighten me.

            “as Jude showed,”

            He demonstrated nothing of the sort, and your performance so far is even more pitiful.

            “Again, its a supremacist mind set.”

            What is… oh yes, silly me, The Bells of St. Clements, and there was me thinking Transfer Test. Unless you mean to say that the Catholic Grammar Schools have a “supremacist mind set.” (You know, maybe you’re on to something.)

            “Under Unionism all Catholics are viewed as Lemons, that goes without saying. Any Catholic that got Uppity was treated with a nice dose of discrimination. Those Protestants who were viewed as lemons were usually working class.”

            So, if I follow you, working class Protestants are Catholics? How am I doing so far.

            (This is shockingly poor)

            Anyway.

            “The 11 Plus is there to put them in their place, a “get them while their young” philosophy.”

            Unless you’re a working class Protestant who passes the test. Or a Catholic who goes to a Catholic Grammar school. And on that point, Ryan, would Catholics who pass the test be ‘oranges’?

            “Unionism knows better than me or you that poorer children don’t stand a chance of passing the 11 Plus, the vast majority of them fail.”

            Perhaps. But your problem there, is that in practice Sinn Fein compounded the problem and catapulted us into a private testing system with much more private tutoring than before. Not to mention the fact that Catholic Grammar schools set tests which Catholics pass and fail.

            You’re really not getting the point, are you?

            Here, let me spell it out:

            **Catholic Grammar Schools** That is the huge flaw in your argument.

            “The UVF/UDA were full of working class, uneducated Protestants. They even admit themselves they were taking orders from Unionist politicians and they said they ” regret ever listening to them” once these middle class Unionists abandoned them to prison.”

            Good grief! I can understand your anger, but it’s not an argument which demonstrates the sectarian nature of the test.

            “Its a Tory Philosophy PF”

            So, now its the Tories? And the Communists? And the UDA?

            But back to your problem:

            “Boy oh Boy do those Middle Class Protestants fear Working Class Protestants challenging them for their jobs…….that bloody John O’Dowd helping Protestants get more educated…….”

            So your punchline to demonstrate sectarianism is Protestants discriminating against Protestants?

            Alternatively you could also substitute ‘Catholic’ for ‘Protestant’.

            But sure, this isn’t about education, it’s about Unionist bigots – how could I have missed it.

          • PF September 9, 2016 at 9:45 pm #

            And perhaps you would have a word with Bridget while you’re at it – see below where she said:

            “as a child of the 50/60’s, in my primary school the 11+ was only available for the ones “chosen” by the teacher & priest to sit the test.”

            “Yes, we suffered as much discrimination from within our own institutions as anything our Protestant neighbours could have thrown at us.”

  11. Pointis September 8, 2016 at 12:29 pm #

    Peter Weir is a separatist minister, representing a separatist party who doesn’t feel comfortable unless people are pigeonholed to know their place.
    British children need to go good Protestant Grammar schools.
    Protestant labouring class children can go state secondaries where we can mould their compliance to accept their 2nd class citizenship but nurture their inherent belief that at least they are not 3rd class Irish Catholic ruffians.

    • Pointis September 8, 2016 at 5:29 pm #

      Sorry, a couple of “to”s missing there!

    • Ryan September 8, 2016 at 5:59 pm #

      “Protestant labouring class children can go state secondaries where we can mould their compliance to accept their 2nd class citizenship”

      Unfortunately, the Protestant working class keep voting for DUP/UUP, they were offered a better alternative in the PUP but they wont vote PUP in significant numbers, so they get what they vote for: ruled over by DUP English toff wannabes. Even when DUP/UUP hung them out to dry during the fleg protests (not to mention countless times before) they still vote for them. To me the Protestant working class logic seems to be: I don’t care if I’m uneducated, looked down upon and dependent on benefits, just as long as I have my fleg and I’m not seen as a Lundy then all is fine…..I always remember what UDA man Grug (same who tried to kill Gerry Adams) said about education in prison: “I was doing a degree but I gave it up because it was something Republicans would do”….he spent the rest of his time in prison reading comics and doing weightlifting…..

      “they are not 3rd class Irish Catholic ruffians”

      The taigs are topping the rankings in Education Pointis, they are getting too uppity in this Protestant State for a Protestant People according to DUP Logic……if only discrimination/gerrymandering with the odd hate preacher inspired pogrom were still an option, damn it, that would fix things…..

    • PF September 8, 2016 at 10:24 pm #

      “British children need to go to good Protestant Grammar schools”, and so, I suppose, Irish children must go to good Catholic Grammar schools, of which there are many.

      You know, in the end, it might be anti-unionist rhetoric which saves Ulster from a United Ireland – who’d have thought?

      And there was me thinking it was only us who were myopic.

      • Ryan September 9, 2016 at 5:32 pm #

        “You know, in the end, it might be anti-unionist rhetoric which saves Ulster from a United Ireland – who’d have thought?”

        I fail to see how you came to that conclusion PF….but 1/3 of Ulster is already in the Republic of Ireland, 7 of the counties of Ulster already have a Irish nationalist majority, hence the need for Unionist pacts to even stand a chance of winning an election.

        • PF September 9, 2016 at 9:48 pm #

          “I fail to see how you came to that conclusion PF”

          Because the best way to drive people away from any kind of new and agreed Ireland is to continually demonise them.

          “but 1/3 of Ulster is already in the Republic of Ireland”

          I know, I just thought I’d take the opportunity to reinforce the anti-unionist stereotype.

  12. Perkin Warbeck September 8, 2016 at 1:07 pm #

    Could the two Peter Weirs, one wonders, Esteemed Blogmeister, be in any way related?

    Consider this: Peter Weir, the movie director, as distinct from Peter Weir, the Director of the DUPartment of Education, set two of his two most successful fillums in an (gulp) educational context. One in a gals’ school, the other in a boys’ school.

    -Picnic at Hanging Rock

    And

    -Dead Poets’ Society.

    The (by now) scary similarities do not end there. For both schools might be classified as (gasp) Grammar Schools, going forward (if this neologism is not grammatically incorrect).

    As well as that (cue Hammer Fillum soundtrack) the gals’ grammar school is positioned in the state of Victoria while the guys’ grammar school is located in one of the New England states (not Norneverland, however).

    This is where the parallel plots begin to thicken. But in a way which would not at all discommode Peter Weir, Director of the DUPlex of Education. A way in which the concept of Upstairs and Downstairs is progressively, if not aggressively, incarnated.

    In the gals’ grammar school, f’rinstance, a colleen from the wrong side of the billabong who somehow happens to fetch up in the school, is tied to the wall in an effort ‘to correct her posture’ should she not mend her ways smartly.

    In the guy’s grammar school, meanwhile, there is mounted a school production of ‘A Midsummer’s Night’s Dreams’ which would indubitably gladden the enlightened mind of Peter Weir of Norneverland; featuring as it does an impish-minded sprite called Puck who has the magical ability to turn the heads of the boys into – donkeys. (Think: the puckish Lord Kitchener).

    It is – oh, joy ! – the ‘rude mechanicals and their offspring’ upon whom this fate falls, and should there be Somme Enchanted Evenings further down the track, the brain-washed will not be lacking, to volunteer in their countless thous.

    Both grammar schools, the gals’ one as well as the boys’ one, feature comfort zones eminently suitable for the political troglodytes who deal in DUPlicity and who dwell beneath the brooding brow of Cave Hill.

    There is the cave, for instance, in the grounds of the guys’ grammar school where the DUPS (Dead Under-rated Poets Society) can meet to stammer and yammer their way through the sledgehammer verse of your average computer programmer. That sorta thingy.

    Meanwhile, over in Hanging Rock to which the gals and distaff members of their grammar school have repaired for a day’s picnic there is located the Mother and Stepmother of a cave system. It is into this troglodytic complex that the Are Nots are separated from the Arlenes , the Stalactites from the Stalagmites: in a word, those who might, nay, who will make their mark on the future political landscape.

    In the fillum, the antipodean Peter Weir has three gals and one housemistress disappear into the dank darkness of the cave system, never to re-emerge. The Peter Weir of Nornverland, clever clogs that he undoubtedly is, would read this as a mere metaphor for their future emergence as the Front Bench of a DUP-led Government, going forward.

    Having served their apprenticeship (oh, wretched phrase !) in the more appropriately phrased finishing school where the ambiance of uber-amour propre is nourished.
    Carpe Dream !

    PS Should an alternative play to the wearisome ‘A Midsummer’s Night Dream’ be sought, look no further than south of the Black Sow’s Dyke. There will be found a play titled ‘The Weir’ which would be a far superior replacement for any second rate stuff from the inferior canon of the Elizabethen literary charlatan, The Great Shakes (alleged).

    The author is one Conor McPherson who may well be a direct literary descendant of the eminent Ossianic mountebank of the 18th C, James McPherson of Inverness.

    Possibly the only similarity between ‘The Weir’ and the travesty of a theatrical offering by The Great Shakes (alleged) is the character Puck from the latter and the ever present rhyming word of a different spelling from the former: phuck.

    Here is a random sample of the sparkling dialogue which has the normally sniffy Liffeyside literati all a-swoon:

    Jack: Up early in the morning. Over to Conor Boland. He’s over the other side of Carrick there. Has about fiftenn phucking kids. Dirty b-word (rhymes with Hanging Rocks).

    All together now in the DUPlex of Education:

    -We’re Weir because we’re Weir because we’re Weir.

  13. PF September 8, 2016 at 2:05 pm #

    There are any number of problems with this decision but I will (try to) confine my thoughts to the immediate implications rather than the wider problems and/or benefits of testing at 11.

    First of all, the DUP have merely side-stepped the problem of transfer and in doing so have failed in their responsibility to find a method of transfer schools which is focused on the benefits and needs of the pupils.

    Secondly, the decision merely reinforces a system based on a ‘Grammar/Comprehensive’ solution. Other options exist, including, in a world where STEM subjects are seen to reign supreme (but are not necessarily the only important options), allowing students to select the school they wish to attend based on the education offered by any given school, rather than schools selecting pupils. That alone would be a game changer. In this case, schools would be permitted to set an entrance test or interview, but would be required to specialise in terms of subjects offered. It would also enable a ‘campus’ approach to be developed, and for students to begin to ‘try out’ specialisms at an earlier age. Our students need a system which enables them to discover their strengths and interests.

    Thirdly, if popular reports are to be believed, at least some Grammar Schools admit pupils whose Transfer grades/scores are among the lower attained. This represents a useful way for Grammars to boost their intake, and hence budgets, but also renders them Comprehensive in everything but name.

    Fourthly, Primary Schools will now, by this decision, be driven by the decisions of the Grammar sector rather than the requirements of a legally binding curriculum, and subsequently held accountable by a system and set of results which they are not obliged to follow. That places them in an untenable position.

    Fifthly, the myth of academic attainment being superior to any other kind of attainment is perpetuated. We had an opportunity to ensure that our society valued all kinds of attainment and all kinds of employment, but the DUP took the easy way out.

    Lastly, and in principle, we need an education system which meets the needs of the child, not the needs of the school.

  14. fiosrach September 8, 2016 at 3:39 pm #

    PF, it is widely known that if grammar schools have empty places they will accept any grade down to Zero if necessary. This is the way in Catholic grammars and probably state grammars too.

    • PF September 8, 2016 at 4:31 pm #

      Just as I thought, fiosrach; perhaps you could convince Jude to stick to the relevant point in this matter – I sure as goodness think it important.

      The system is weighted against everyone except the Grammars.

  15. Scott Rutherford September 8, 2016 at 3:46 pm #

    I agree with you completely Jude the 11+ is outdated and unfair segradation of children that labels them as the smart ones and the not smart ones at the age of 11.

    The lucky children who do pass and get to go to grammar schools do end up doing better overall but is it any wonder. They sent to the best schools with the best teachers. The grammar schools also have a ethos of academic excellence and a presumption that most of there students will go to university. Is it any wonder they succeed it is simply the norm if you go to a grammar school.

    The same can not be said for the children who gi to the secondary schools and they have to contend with the psychological damage of being labelled as the “not so bright” ones at the age of 11.

    Some blame has to be layed at the feet of SF though. There failure to face down the grammar schools (many of the catholic maintained) left us with the worst possible situation.

    Under the SF education ministers the following existed.

    Grammar schools still existed.
    The transfer test existed.
    The transfer test was effectively privatised.
    Children couldn’t be prepared in school.
    Poorer parents who couldn’t afford tutors were disadvantaged.

    While I’d prefer that there wasn’t a 11+ if there is going to be one I’d prefer that all children could be prepared for it by there teachers. To not do that only disadvantages the poorer families further.

    I don’t accept that there was nothing subsequent SF education ministers could have done to face down the Grammar schools on this issue over the last decade.

    Doesn’t say much for SF ability to govern effectively that they let themselves be push around by the Grammar schools.

  16. Mark September 8, 2016 at 4:00 pm #

    Jude, our chances of agreeing on whether a proposed return of the qualifying’ is a benefit, or disbenefit to children moving to the big school, in the six Ulster counties is as remote as our chances of agreeing the best county team in Ulster.
    I am myself of opinion, we have far too much emphasis placed on academic education rather than good vocational education, promoting good, third level, training for brickies, hairdressers, cooks etc. you know, those who make the economy turn ad opposed to them who sat an ‘ology’ having been intelligent enough to go to grammar but insufficiently intelligent to benefit from it.
    I went to QUB with Peter, we were close, he even nominated me for Academic Council and Senate, I agree absolutely with his assertion we need return of transfer tests, they can, and should, determine those we want to treat us in hospital from those we need to from those we need, as urgently to fix our washing machine.
    I myself benefitted from my working class parents efforts to send myself, and siblings to grammar school, my Father passed the first eleven plus in the six Ulster counties, my niece the ast, she got three A’s and a B, my own children too, of hard working parent’s, both got their eleven plus, both, as did all their cousins, with A’s and both went to the best grammars in those six Ulster counties, my daughter going on to read Law in the fifth best law school in Britain, while her wee brother was headhunted by the best engineering University in Britain and both graduated with goid honours degrees, although both failed miserably and did PGCE’s but, both delight in Peter’s announcment, my son teaching in one of the best secondary’s in England, hopefully soon, again, a grammar, with a better uniform, discipline and pastoral care policy while my daughter teaching P6 and instituting a ‘transfer club’ to encourage learning while young and transfer to the most appropriate type of second level education.
    Peter Weir’s decision is quite correct. We have been misled by media, Curch and Sinn Fein/ Stoop politicians for too long to believe good education is a bad thing, their real problem has been, it is simply misapplied in the academic sector, convert the poor grammars, Catholic and Protestant, and non-denominational, put the money into teaching capable children how to be capable, not feeing because they’re brickies, plumbers or cooks they have failed, rather provide them the skills, and economic opportunity to achieve and pay taxes, unlike many with BSSc. Degrees who are well qualified shelf stackers.

  17. Ryan September 8, 2016 at 5:31 pm #

    Great article Jude.

    The irony is that, in my opinion, poorer Protestant pupils are much more likely to be badly effected by this DUP policy than poorer Catholic pupils. Over the past few years we have seen Protestants, especially in poorer areas, badly underachieving. I believe the Belfast Telegraph said the only groups Protestants outcompete when it comes to education is Irish Travellers and Romani people. Irish Catholic girls top the tables in achievement, with Irish Catholic boys following behind. Indeed St Dominics in West Belfast (which my sister attended) is ranked the best Grammar School in the North according to some rankings….and its in West Belfast, that ghetto of semi civilised barbarians, according to some high ranking British officials……best not to mention St Mary’s University on the Falls Road ranks 2nd in the whole UK for Teacher training quality, even above Cambridge, that might send some people into a state of shock…..

    My sister didn’t allow her kids to sit the 11 plus. My nephew last month got A’s and A*’s in his A-Levels. But do I believe my nephew, as a 10 year old, would’ve passed his 11 plus if he had sat it? I don’t think so. Like most kids he wasn’t mature enough to sit tests that are well known to cause distress to children.

    You also have to question the psychological effect these tests have on kids. Kids aren’t emotionally or mentally mature to handle such tests and their results. Most kids fail these tests, so its basically setting most kids up to fail. The psychological effect, especially on poorer kids, is it makes them think they are failures and that stays with them for the rest of their lives. It’s a recipe for low confidence, low self esteem and a lack of self worth.

    It reminds me of the system of schooling in Hong Kong and Japan. The average Japanese/Hong Kong pupil studies over 10 hours a week at home, far more than in the West. But the tests in Hong Kong/Japan are so tough and are structured in such a way that it sets many of the pupils up to fail, especially those from a poorer background. The distress this causes to many pupils (and their families) have ranged from mental breakdowns to even suicides. There’s far greater pressure in East Asian society to do well than in the West, men have even failed to get a wife because they don’t have a decent job. That’s why there’s a booming industry in East Asia for “Tiger Teachers” where teachers/tutors make MILLIONS a year in teaching pupils privately. Needless to say this option is only open for the wealthy. Theres a documentary about this on youtube called “Tiger Teachers”.

    The Education Department under Sinn Fein was a great success, even the DUP couldn’t deny that. Year after year the North outperformed the UK in GCSE/A-Level results. A policy of equality and promoting more time with pupils from a poor background was encouraged. But all that’s gone now thanks to the DUP. Poorer and socially disadvantaged children from both communities will now be treated to a policy of Social Darwinism, survival of the richest will be the new policy when it comes to Education in the North….

  18. Bridget Cairns September 8, 2016 at 7:33 pm #

    as a child of the 50/60’s, in my primary school the 11+ was only available for the ones “chosen” by the teacher & priest to sit the test. It was inevitable that farmer’s sons & middle class children were selected REGARDLESS of their abilities. The thinking was that working class children (of which I was one) were destined for the factory or building site & therefore it was a waste of a space in the grammar section. Do I need to say that I was not selected, do I need to say that I got an education without the aid of the Catholic maintained schools, Yes, we suffered as much discrimination from within our own institutions as anything our Protestant neighbours could have thrown at us. In fact the first real bit of education I received was in a “state” school. Did I tell you that those middle class children who failed the 11+ still went to grammar schools because their families could afford to pay for them. I hope there is no return to this double discrimination. Am I bitter, perhaps my revenge was to create the opportunities for myself.