paranoid-1 paranoid2

Captain Paranoid , in the shape of the unreconstructed and irredeemably humourless UKIP leader in Norneverland, Ireland, David McNarry …..has recently popped up once again with a rant about republican agitation over Brexit creating a constitutional crisis for unionists.Nothing else is causing a crisis within unionism ,apparently .The “Cash for Ash” multi-million pound scandal has not stirred them into crisis mode.They haven’t taken to the streets in high -dudgeon, screaming for their money to be returned. The “Red Sky” scandal and the “NAMA” scandals barely dented their torpor. The scandal of the UDA ‘s racketeers creaming off millions of tax-payers money under the DUP’s aegis barely gets a look-in either…and as for the Iris Robinson (Turn All Those Gays Straight) toy -boy /financial backhander sex-scandal, or her husband Peter’s(our last First Minister , in case the Christmas prandial pig-out has addled your collective memories)… odder land and business dealings , or his “Muslims are only good for going to the shops ” scandal…..well these obviously only provided a little light-hearted entertainment for us of a satiric bent, when all is said and done. Morality of any kind, for such a supposedly morality-conscious grouping appears not to come into the equation at all….Or as Prince Charles might paraphrase …”Morality?…..Whatever that is….”The picture- hats will still be worn on Sunday and the churches will be attended , but the chicanery will be accepted as normal political behaviour.
No ….none of those scandals worried the collective unionist psyche enough to stop them voting the DUP into power .I doubt that nothing short of an atomic- bomb exploding in Stormont would raise an eyebrow at all.The aforementioned Peter McNarry has a better idea how to light the fire under their collective arses.It’s time to wheel out the Bogeyman .
That “Bogeyman” has always been the idea of a United Ireland and Mr McNarry represents the kind of unionist who would rather grind some good black pepper and Maldon salt over his feet and eat them with gusto, than subscribe to the very idea of that particular political confection.Just as Vanguard marched the followers up to the top of the hill and back down again in the early 1970s ; Just as Ian Paisley and Peter Robinson before him were ready to throw caution to the economic winds and ramp up their terrorist connections in the 1980s for an eventual proposal of a coming Unilateral Declaration of Independence ( UDI). Rather than be part of any proposed idea of sharing power or the entire country with their fellow Irishmen, they would probably rather starve than accept the reality that a Northern Ireland state on its own would be economically unsustainable. Basically they’d rather starve to death than accept that quiet little fact.After all there are many in the land who have only a tenuous grasp on what is fact and what is fiction, in any case.Those are the kind of mad ideas that rattled around in Peter robinson’s head and those same crazy thoughts are finding sustenance within the hoary ,dry brain -cells of the like of UKIP’s Peter McNarry.
Mr McNarry is now urging unionists to form a “Unionist Council”. We’re back to that old hackneyed, cockeyed drama again .It’s like the seasons turning .I wonder what he wants to call this latest edition of the Ulster Covenant . He can’t use “Vanguard” or even “Ulster Resistance” again, because that was Ian Paisley and Peter Robinson’s own little dalliance with terrorism; all those lovely little Che Guevara inspired red berets were just perfect , even though Paisley’s head- like -a -salted-ham couldn’t really carry it off with any kind of panache.That was the gig that put Emma Pengelly’s daddy in the dock, come to think of it.Something about smuggling illegal weapons into the country .That old apple never falls too far from the tree, eh?
Anyway , now that Mr McNarry has got this particular bumblebee buzzing in his garret, he’s preparing to “put the country on alert” and is warning that “we need to detail the manoeuvres devised to manipulate the overthrowing of the Union and constitutional position of Northern Ireland.”
It sounds great doesn’t it? …especially that “we” bit.As far as he is concerned , Brexit is the Trogan Horse that has the republican/nationalist (they’re all the same”rebels” to Captain Paranoid) conglomerate gathering momentum across Norneverland, the Republic., Europe and even further afield(the Channel Islands?!). There’s too much talk about “United Ireland” and referendums to bring about an all-Ireland state within the EU ,going on at present. He reckons that Gerry Adams , Kenny and Micheal Martin are all in the plot together .Martin’s even planning to run candidates in coming elections on the sacred unionist land of Norneverland .Who could conceive of such perfidious arrogance? There ought to be a law!!
He reckons it all hinges on membership of the EU. Mr McNarry doesn’t trust anybody with unionism’s future .That old paranoia is again bubbling to the surface .The English Tories are equally suspect. He reckons they’d drop Norneverland at the first opportunity and he might be right if a few of them ever stop to smell the smoke on the wind of that £400million plus current heating scandal.He feels that unionists need to be “strong-willed” as never before .It needs to be confident and united because “our opponents will exploit division”.
” We are facing an almighty republican push to end our very existence “ ,he says, as though the very apocalpse is imminent .Really! How much worse than it it is now, can it get? I think that nationalists and republicans already know that the likes of Mr Mc Narry with his tight, narrow version of Norneverland British Nationalism of half a million people and falling ,really have n’t got the wherewithal or vision to picture a country united as one with their fellows. So what are we going to call this brand new Unionist Council to distinguish it from all the other dead-ends of the past that have preceeded it?
No doubt this one will have a lovely blood-curdling ring to it. Something like “The End of Days Council ” or ” Council of the Imperial Rapture” might have a suitable ring to it Send any suggestions for a title on a postcard as they used to say on the childrens’ television show, “Blue Peter”……
Oh ….and a Happy new Year everyone….


  1. jessica December 31, 2016 at 6:06 pm #

    The southern parties will have to engage in the north at some point or Sinn Fein will have a hell of an advantage over them when elections are over 32 counties.
    That shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone who has put any thought into what is happening on this island and what the GFA actually entails.
    These people couldn’t be as stupid as they make out, it has to be to instil fear to get a reaction within loyalism once again.

    Happy New Year Harry

    • paddykool December 31, 2016 at 6:45 pm #

      “Stupid”? ….Oh I don’t know about that . I only know that it is a dark ,human comedy of errors that keeps feeding me material like a production line. Will it ever grind to a halt? I’d be very surprised if it does.What do you reckon the next Big Scandal will be , eh? Happy New year to you too, Jessica.

  2. Beachguy January 1, 2017 at 7:03 am #

    Yawn. Zzzzzz..

    One of your better ones senor Jude.

    But there’s really not much new is there ? Same ol, same ol.

    I’m delusional for thinking that maybe, just maybe, things will change.


    Hope everyone has a great 2017

  3. fiosrach January 1, 2017 at 10:26 pm #

    Harry,if you are going to mercilessly grind this rising political high flyer into minuscule particles, at least get his name right. Hah!

    • paddykool January 2, 2017 at 10:02 am #

      Just a slip of the nib there , fiosrach ! Happy New Year !

      • fiosrach January 2, 2017 at 10:23 am #

        Same to you and all the Oakwoodsmen.