The Pride Before a Fall by Jessica McGranN

To keep us green, London was keen and put 600 million in a nice big pot

But the DUP all danced with glee and instead began to scheme and plot

For it wasn’t the cleaner environment or removing pollution from the skies

Not reducing our carbon footprint but only pound signs that filled their eyes


It was Peter who gave the orders and Arlene who carried them through

No daring raid just opportunistic aid and everyone knew what they had to do

No need for sensible precautions, the safety caps came off

And the RHI, was treacle pie just waiting for the piggy’s to come to the trough


Our civil servants failed to notice or were too afraid to say

And even the general public knew something had gone seriously astray

Businesses were cautious, this was too good to be true

And a whistle blower even emailed to tell Arlene directly what she knew

But this all fell on deaf ears, our civil servants were confused

Mixed messages they were receiving between what was written and what they were told the words construed


The take up it was modest, people still waiting for the catch

So Arlene penned some letters to the banks, guaranteeing the windfalls cash

And so (it’alleged) the DUP’s friends and family got busy making hay

Cause sure it is only London’s money, and can’t they afford it anyway

But soon it was being noticed, that something was not quite right

Each one pound bag of pellets was earning one pound sixty to much delight


Then Jonathan Bell became the man in charge, though Arlene remained top dog

But his calls for the scheme to be stopped, led to a barney in Stormont’s halls

Poor Arlene felt intimidated, male misogyny drew sweat upon her brow

Jonathan loomed over her shoulder, their voices raised, until the SPADs foot came down

The scheme would remain open, while they gave it one last push

For some SPADs were poultry farmers and their application forms were in the post


Now word went round the gig was up, and this deal was very real

And the word they said like wildfire spread, sign up for a nice free meal

But so it wouldn’t look too suspicious, they asked Michelle to promote the scheme

And she wrote to all those farmers to inform them to be more green

And so it was that RHI was passed and why boilers now heat empty barns

That millionaires will be made, burning pellets on their farms


Champagne celebrations, Brexit donations, the DUP were cock-a-hoop

Cutting Liofa funding, gaving millions to marching bands and made up Orange halls

Everything indeed looked rosy, the money was rolling in

Upon Jonathan Bell came a niggling then, could what they did be considered a sin?

And then Nolan got a hold of it as the BBC investigated what the whistle blower said,

Now Jonathan Bell felt bound for Hell and the voice of God took up residence in his head


No matter what the consequences, tell the truth is what the voices did say

And then there came a miracle as Stephen Nolan’s number, suddenly appeared on his phone’s display

Then one thing led to another, and the TV show was made

Arlene got a knife in her back while Jonathan claims, he only did what God had said

The DUP wagons circled, around Arlene and her clan

A resounding vote of confidence, Arlene was their only man


Not surprising the public have had enough and Arlene had to go

But she was having none of it, unrepentant she said no

Like a president of Ireland, her very own Áras an Uachtaráin on the hill,

Until Martin sent her packing, and told her that we had all had our fill


Hubristic pride and arrogance, fuelling her contempt and hate

But Pride comes before destruction, and a haughty spirit falls from grace

Judgement comes upon us all, God has told Jonathan that He is on his side

So where does that leave the DUP, who are filled, with the Devils Unholy Pride?




4 Responses to The Pride Before a Fall by Jessica McGranN

  1. Gearóid February 28, 2017 at 9:13 am #

    Fantastic Jessica, Maith Thu

  2. paddykool February 28, 2017 at 9:58 am #

    Now, now Jessica ! Where could you possibly have found the inspiration for all of that, eh?People will say you made it all up…or maybe were even inspired ….

  3. fiosrach February 28, 2017 at 11:10 am #

    Damn good.

  4. Am Ghobsmacht March 1, 2017 at 9:13 am #

    Actually, credit where credits due. Well done.