Four political jokes to bring a smile (to your face)

There are many things to feel gloomy about, when we check what’s being said and done in our cosy (if unhygienic) little NE Nest. But if you look for the laughs, they are there. I found three this morning.

(i) Constructing the past. The BBC has a fine website called ‘Bitesize’- it provides information and practice tests for a range of subjects and areas of the curriculum. A friend sent me this one for its Bitesize GCSE History – that’s our NEN history.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/education/guides/zww99j6/test/answers?question1=c&question2=b&question3=a&question4=c&question5=a&question6=b&question7=b&question8=c

If you don’t find the picture of pre-Troubles NEN verging on the thigh-slapping, you should get your funny-bone seen to.

(ii) Tommy Tiernan made a joke about Arlene Foster on BBC Radio Foyle and the BBC has apologized and removed the offending funnyman’s funny story from its website. If you haven’t heard it, suffice to say it involves Arlene Foster, a herd of cows, and the words ‘bastard’ and ‘fenian’. I’m not wildly taken with Tommy Tiernan or even the joke, but I’ll tell what was funny: the Belfast Telegraph consulted Gregory Campbell about the funniness or otherwise of Tiernan’s tale. Geddit? Gregory Campbell, joke guru. Brilliant.

(iii) This morning, Ireland’s EU Commissioner, Phil Hogan, is loud in his praise for Taoiseach Enda Kenny. It appears the EU may be going to make special arrangements for Ireland’s border when Brexit kicks in. Hogan says this is due to the respect in which Enda is held in Europe. Nothing to do with any arrangement serving the best interests of the EU states and their citizens. It’s all about Enda. You know, the smiling ex- primary school teacher from Mayo. European cohesion has been bent to the will of this modest man. Nice one, Phil.

(iv) Colum Eastwood says there’ll be no anti-Brexit pact in the coming election. He deeply regrets this. However, he really had no choice. He couldn’t form a pact with the Greens, because they wanted Alasdair McDonnell to step aside, and they couldn’t form a pact with Sinn Féin because of their abstentionist policy. You can’t blame Colum, really. We all know what a colossus of energy and eloquence the good Doctor is when he stands up in Westminster, and we know how, if Sinn Féin had only taken their Westminster seats, they could have stood up and persuaded Theresa May to see the error of her ways and let the north of Ireland  remain in the EU. It’s the way Colum tells them.

13 Responses to Four political jokes to bring a smile (to your face)

  1. Mark April 27, 2017 at 9:08 am #

    On the ‘building of an infill between Lurgan and Portadown, the BBC are wrong, it was Quinten Oliver’s father who was most responsible for this cock up.

    • Sherdy April 27, 2017 at 4:26 pm #

      I would have thought that Bill Craig was the moving force behind the plan, and that Geoffrey Copcutt was the chief architect, who had told Craig that either Derry or Newry would have been more sensible and strategic locations.
      But then Geoffrey didn’t realise the main impediments to those ideas were that they were both nationalist areas!

  2. Patrick McDermott April 27, 2017 at 9:36 am #

    I don’t know whether you heard your former univ. colleague RDE on Nolan this morning, Jude because I am assuming you might have included her in your blog this morning. When I listen to her, I never know whether to laugh or cry at her political and historical naiveties?,inaccuracies?, prejudices? and her predisposition to british and unionist interests.I really do feel removed,like Mr Jordan in Heaven Can Wait, like its a surreal event listening to her. She was waffling on again about legacy issues and amnesty in light of the moves across the water to introduce a statute of limitations for army personnel . As usual, she called martin mcguinness a liar, engaging in ” omerta ” and that republicans would never tell the truth; but , on the contrary, the british army and authorities had records,told the truth and didn’t lie to protect each other. IS THAT WOMAN FOR REAL ? As I said, I never know whether to laugh or cry at her.

    • Antain April 27, 2017 at 11:18 am #

      Ah, Ruth. The only time I felt like writing an angry missive to a newspaper was after reading an incredibly spiteful piece she had in the Irish Times a few years back, calling Eamon McCann ‘an Old Trot’ and blaming him personally for every misfortune that has ever afflicted the planet Earth in general and Derry in particular. Eager to imitate the pompous style of the Times letters page, I wrote: ‘Sir. Rather an Old Trot than an Old Trout. Yours…’

      Funny enough, they didn’t print it.

      • Argenta April 27, 2017 at 10:37 pm #

        Antain
        At least that’s one thing that Ruth and the latest denigrator of all things/people that are not true believers in the S F gospel (Donal Lavery) have in common.They both dislike Eamon Mc Cann!

    • Sherdy April 27, 2017 at 4:30 pm #

      What tickled my fancy was when Ruthless suggested that the most reliable people to oversee legacy issues would be historians – especially as she is the only one who would accuse her of being one of that breed!
      Ant: ‘Old Trout’ – can you not spell: ‘Old Tart’?

      • giordanobruno April 27, 2017 at 5:30 pm #

        Personal abuse and misogyny.
        Weak stuff.

        • Barry Doherty April 27, 2017 at 9:36 pm #

          Bollocks it was either, respectfully, that’s just nonsense. It was very tame. Also do you mind Lord Morrow and his joke ? Mrs Foster had no bother laughing at that.

          • giordanobruno April 27, 2017 at 10:03 pm #

            Barry
            You don’t consider ‘old trout’ abusive or ‘old tart’ misogynistic?
            Is this how republicanism views women?

    • Jude Collins April 27, 2017 at 6:11 pm #

      Or swear, maybe?

      • giordanobruno April 27, 2017 at 8:07 pm #

        Jude
        Are you replying to me?
        Can you elaborate?

  3. Brian Patterson April 27, 2017 at 9:47 am #

    That lugubrious, pompous, plodding guru on RTES Tommy German wheels out Colm an Baill Bán as spokesman for the nationalist community at every available opportunity. Second and third billings go to ABS. (Anone but Shinners)

  4. Barry Doherty April 27, 2017 at 9:34 pm #

    What Tommy said was spot on and very funny, it was at best a gentle dig, I never took the DUP to be snowflakes…..always though they were very thick skinned, with the emphasis on thick…..jesus Wept but this is pathetic stuff.