I see Arlene Foster , the one-time First Minister and Queen of Norneverland , has popped -up again after awakening from another three -month sleep where she’d lain comatose right through the recent elections , awaiting a prince to come along and kiss her awake. It had been a long wait and it might have gone on forever until a foolish courtier dropped a breakfast tray as he slunk past her door….the crashing sounds of that cymbal-like tray, wobbling and rattling to stillness , alongside broken and shattered crockery,eggs , toast and teaspoons, echoed down throughout the corridor….
While in this self-induced coma, where she has been represented and deputised during debates by her hangdog, Deputy Dodds and her wee friend , ex- part-time soldier, Sir Jeffrey ,in case she might have shattered the credibility of her party.She didn’t know when and where not to open and shut her mouth…. and they couldn’t quite fit her with a witch’s scold , to quieten her either.She had become so forgetful . In consequence,in her absence, her party, the DUP had a great old time at their election ,as did their nemesis Sinn Fein. The DUP scared the bejasus out of the unionist community with the idea that the “Union” was in danger if they didn’t get a great big turn-out.That was enough to put their paramilitary admirers in the UDA and UVF on a war -footing and help to get their vote out.Of course “the Union” is in the same danger. It always has been in and always will be in. That goes without saying. In truth it has never been in as much danger before , but it might just last a few years until it eventually crumbles under the weight of its own foolishness. The DUP have now risen as high as they will ever be able …or allowed to rise ever again. There is nowhere else to go from these dizzy heights but to fall slowly……
The DUP are now in the process of making their position and their precious Union’s future , even more untenable by going to the Tories with a large and very obvious Begging Bowl. This is causing some consternation across the water in the Mother of Parliaments,of course . The DUP hold the power of ten seats in a weak and hung parliament . Before this brouhaha , no one in England had heard much about the DUP, but now the subjects are playing catch-up very quickly and the backroom Tories, the Labour Party . the populace and the national press have not been kind to Arlene and her friends.Words such as” horrific”, and “ghastly” are tripping out on tongues with some regularity from the chattering classes and the tappers of keyboards in the press rooms oof the land . The cartoonists can barely contain their glee at their good fortune. Is it coincidental that Gerry Scarfe, the Sunday Times ‘ acid pensmith supreme , has hung up his crowquill and indian ink after fifty years ,in this very week. He has already said it all ,I suppose. What has stunned the general populace even more than the mention of the UDA, the UVF, the Orange Order, racism, homophobia and general all round ancient bigotry is the colossal size of that now unmissable Begging Bowl .They hadn’t realised how very well -subsidised were the denizens of the ancient land of Norneverland .It was more than they’d been paying out to the EU apparently….and here were these ultra right -wing paddies looking for “more!” ,like a scene out of Dickens'”Oliver Twist”. some might dimly remember Prime Minister Harold Wilson referring to them as “spongers” but surely that was long-ago and far-away.”Were we still paying for this lot ?”, they asked…..”all these years later?”Jeezis …we were paying for them even before the EU!!!

Arlene has barely been awake again for a week or two and she ‘s just today discovered that she had also written a letter in another of her her sleep-ins ,some time ago (2015, actually) of which she has no memory of at all. Apparently she wrote to a minister of the Scottish Parliament with reference to her dislike of same -sex marriage. The tone of the letter suggests that she might not want everyone to enjoy the stability of marriage .In fact ,her apparent wish was to deny parity of esteem and fairness to anyone who wasn’t heterosexual.That has naturally angered the gay community.
Well , let’s face it,we all know her and her party’s opinions on this topic and many other notions of equality and we also know that her memory on many occasions has been shown to be so faulty that her brain must be almost considered a unique organ for even a working politician to own.The letter which she didn’t seem to recognise was published today in all its fullness to remind her.Of course she’ll continue to deny she wrote it at all.I suppose you could argue that point if you did it while sleeping or sleep-walking. A good lawyer might make a case out of that one . …or you might simply call it a fake in this era of “Fake News”…
Did I mention that she never had anything to do with that RHI “Cash For Ash” scandal , either? She In fact she can’t remember anything from the past ten years. Go on …ask her any question you fancy…she’ll not have a clue what you’re talking about…


  1. Cal June 21, 2017 at 11:09 am #

    After yesterday’s letter release by the Scottish government, I personally can not countenance Arlene Foster as my FM. She has a very flakey relationship with the truth. The DUP have used the executive to encourage other governments to actively discriminate against our own citizens.

    The DUP are irredeemable bigots and SF should stay well clear.

    • paddykool June 21, 2017 at 11:35 am #

      I’m inclined to agree ,Cal. As for making deals with the Tories……how’s she going to remember what she agreed? Will it be like the agreements she and her party have made with nationalism….will she renege on any deals that are made? Mind you , it’ll be a toss-up as to which of them , the DUP or the Tories ,reneges first on any deal they might make. Both of them have got form in that area.Would you be an honest man to call them all a bunch of liars and backstabbers or should we just accept that there is evidence in both the cases of Arlene and her counterpart Mrs Mayday , that there is encroaching mental illness visible ,or at best , amnesia?

  2. fiosrach June 21, 2017 at 12:14 pm #

    Do you remember,harry, the saga of the Salem witch trials where the populace were overcome by some sort of hysteria and told lies,made up things and persecuted innocent people. I think that something like that has affected a large section of the unionist population in the colony. Discrimination never happened. Nobody was ever bullied. All was fair in the land of milk and honey. It was a grand wee country until, for some unknown reason, the house n###ers, who were treated like one of the family, turned on decent right thinking people and slaughtered them. In spite of all this. We allowed them into government only to have our worst fears realised. It was thought that a mould growing on damp barley caused the Salem case but the local disorder has not yet been diagnosed.

    • paddykool June 21, 2017 at 12:34 pm #

      I think you are still allowed to use the term “house niggers”. it’s grammatically correct I’m sure……and yes apparently the mould on the grain was causing an hallucinogenic effect ,fiosrach…much like a mescaline or an acid trip ….all perfectly correct as far as Salem was concerned. .Of course , with hallucinogenics, you can only get out of it what you put in ,so if the donor party is already prone to paranoia and unreality , that’s exactly what you ‘d expect to get right back , amplified to the max.Unfortunately we are all being forced…(obliged?) to share in this current “bad trip” of Arlene and company.

  3. angela June 21, 2017 at 12:15 pm #

    Excellent article and the replies are spot on.

    Maybe Arlene is setting the scene for her appearance before the RHI inquiry……I can’t remember.

  4. Mark June 21, 2017 at 2:36 pm #

    In the first instance Jude, the letter to the Scot’s was a Russian hack.
    Secondly, it’s the poor folk of England one could feel sorry for, if they did not already owe us so much of the unpaid rent. They have been subsidising us for years, after establishing their six county colony, abandoning the indigenous population to the horrors of the RUC and their ‘special constabularies’, they had to come back to protect, then shoot, the Fenians.
    Ah, sure God love them all, how long will the SE Britian blue rinse brigade put up with ‘please sir, can I have some more’ cos we need it to further fund NAMA, Red Sky and the puffing of more hot air, rather than reducing their own waiting lists, developing their own education services and ensuring, post-Brexit, they have the money to reduce corporation tax and provide the expected employment windfall.
    If ye hadn’t put them here in the first place, this problem would never have arisen.

  5. Jack Black June 22, 2017 at 9:27 am #

    Great article Harry, thank’s for that.

    • paddykool June 22, 2017 at 7:06 pm #

      No problem , Jack….all part of Jude’s industry of human happiness!

  6. Eolach June 23, 2017 at 12:07 pm #

    Excellent Harry , ….I think Britain’s , or more precisely England’s , moment of ” We’re fed up to the teeth with those ‘paddies’ ” is fast approaching . I think the DUP’s little trip abroad is one of an ever increasing number of stupid and incomprehensible miscalculations. Daily they grow more impetuous , but over here ,with a very compliant and complicit press it’s easily brushed under the carpet. The English people have , for the first time seen the “real” Unionism ….maybe now they’ll look a little closer at their involvement ……and it’s cost , not only financially but to its not so rosy reputation in the bigger world.

    • paddykool June 23, 2017 at 4:11 pm #

      Yes …Norneverland is such a tiny incestuous place that it is also informed by an in-house “pet press” ,unfortunately .As they also generally come from the community they are reporting on there appears to be some difficulty in reporting anything which might offend ,with the kid gloves fully removed . It’s much like the police work in the place . Again it is the kind of policing that would not be tolerated anywhere else. Much of this has to do with fears of offending either one perceived tribe or the other .We had some of that from the DUP when the local worthies on the BBC and Ulster television asked them questions they could never logically answer without accepting that there was corruption involved . As a result that party huffed and puffed and refused to play. If they refused to play forever there’d be no balance in any future reportage , so it is very apparent that hard questions are not really going to be followed up.
      It is the same as the current policing of flags and bonfires.If you or I climbed a pole in the centre of town and stuck up a flag of our chosen terrorist grouping , we’d likely be hauled into gao but I drive past a huge UVF sign nailed up on a council pole every day.It has been part of the furniture for years but it is totally illegal and represents a criminal gang.The same would not be the case if we made some minor driving offence.What would happen if you set up a bonfire on a bit of waste-ground to burn some old rubbish? You’d be arrested for fly-tipping , but in certain towns mountains of pallets are readily stored by local councils to be illegally burnt near housing estates where they’d be also liable for insurance if a house went up in smoke like those flats in London two weeks ago….You can see just how crazy and mad this illogical place really is. Nothing is ever done legally or logically or even consistently and we continue to pay for it all, like mugs …with the same set of Groundhog Day discussions every year.

  7. ANOTHER JUDE June 24, 2017 at 4:36 am #

    This place is still a place apart. The illegal flags of loyalist terror gangs which have always been linked to the DUP and the British state flutter in the breeze, within smoke damage distance of huge (illegal) bonfires. The British media have only just scratched the surface of the DUP. None of them seem able to get past their anti gay beliefs to the juicy stuff like gun running and loyalist militarism. The sort of stuff us locals know all about. Anyone for LVF?