LEO TALKS TOUGH. OK, MAKE THAT TOUGHISH

Leo Varadkar talks in a soft voice but he’s no pussycat. Judging by his recent comment on Brexit in Ireland ( or “on our island”, as he puts it), he’s more of a lion-heart.

For decades now, we’ve heard nothing about Irish-British relations but how good they are, never better, top drawer. As for Brexit, the south of Ireland would kinda straddle between the UK and the EU, pleading Britain’s case in Brussels. Sure what else would a good next-door neighbour do?

No more. “We’re not going to be helping them to design some sort of border that we don’t believe should exist in the first place” Leo says firmly.

Who would have thought the young man had so much fighting blood in him? An echo almost of Thatcher’s famous “U-turn if you want to; the lady’s not for turning.” The Brits can design their seamless, frictionless, high-tech, invisible border if they want to – nothing to do with us. We never wanted a border of any kind, economic or political….

No, you’re quite right, Virgina – I took a little liberty there. Leo didn’t say that last bit, he just kinda hinted at it, which is nearly as good: “…some sort of border that we don’t believe should exist in the first place.” It’s the economic border he’s talking about, not the political one. You don’t expect a Fine Gael Taoiseach to say he’s agin the border, now do you? That’d make them sound like…well, Shinners.

But we must be grateful for small mercies, and the economic and political, as we know, are bed-fellows. What do you think persuaded the Brits to leave the EU in the first place? A desire to take back power to make their own decisions and law, as well as decide who they wanted to trade with and who they’d let into their country. Very very silly, of course, but that was the idea.

But Leo’s idea that there simply shouldn’t be an economic border is eminently sensible – talk to anyone who does north-south or south-north business. The question is, can he make it stick? Well, Yes and No.

Yes, because the Brits simply don’t give a damn about our troublesome North-East Nest. We saw that when Theresa May did a tour of Scotland and Wales about Brexit, while finding time to give all of six hours to a visit here, much of it taken up by photo-opportunities. I’ve just read an article in The Observer titled “Border chaos will hit hard after Brexit, says report”, the report being an analysis conducted by the economic consultancy Oxera. How often did the Observer article mention”border chaos” for us? Five times? Three? UH-uh. Zilch. Let me spell it out. They.Don’t. Care.

So while the southern government and the Brits may have worked like Siamese twins during the Troubles to maintain the border, this time, Leo the Lion-hearted tells us, they won’t be getting the slightest help. You fancy a frictionless border? You produce one and we’ll tell you what we think.

Tough talk indeed. And talk that was considerably softened when he visited Belfast yesterday. Me want a border in the middle of the Irish Sea? No, no, no, no, that is not what I meant at all. But hard or soft it’s only talk, and that’s where we get to the No bit.

Who really believes that Leo won’t blink before the British Lion? Like it or not, Ireland north and south has historical economic links with Britain, and if the south tries to make life difficult for the Brits on the border here, you may be sure they in turn will have no compunctions about making life very difficult for the south in terms of trade with Britain.

None of that is to say that Leo isn’t right: we simply should not have an economic border in Ireland. Let the north, like the south, continue as though it were still in the EU, leaving Britain to use its ports as the border between Britain and the EU . As The Observer article makes clear, that’ll provide enough headaches on its own.

But there is a blue-bottle in the EU ointment and on its back are etched the letters D-U-P. Even though they know it’s self-harming to haul the north of Ireland out of the EU, DUP politicians will always put the link with Britain first. Britain’s going to suffer an economic blitzkrieg from Europe? Then let us share in it, cos we’re British too. Crazy talk? What kind of buck eejits hammer on the door of the House of Horrors and yells “Let us in, we want to have some too”?

The bitter truth is, the DUP doesn’t give a damn about the will of the people here in the north as expressed in the Brexit referendum. We’re loyal subjects, and to show you how loyal, we’re going to force Theresa May to go on thundering towards the Brexit cliff-edge. Anything else – like a weakening of the border economically, much less politically – would be an appalling vista.

There may be trouble ahead.