Q: What do Sinn Féin bring to the table?
A: Baggage and unreasonable demands.
Q: When are the DUP prepared to form an Executive?
Q: When is Sinn Féin prepared to form an Executive?
A: When the DUP cave in to their unreasonable demands.
Q: Will that happen tomorrow?
Q: When then?
A: Ten years after hell freezes over.
Q: What role does Eire play in discussions about Ulster’s future?
A: A partisan role
Q: How partisan is it?
A: Disgracefully partisan.
Q: Eire’s Minister for Foreign Affairs has called for the implementation of past agreements. What is this code for?
A: A Bill of Rights, a Pat Finucane Inquiry and a standalone Irish Language Act.
Q: But should past agreements not be implemented?
A: That would be to cave in to unreasonable demands.
Q: When will Sinn Féin help rebuild an Executive?
A: When and if the DUP cave in to their republican demands.
Q: If the DUP caved in, what would this be for Northern Ireland?
A: A disaster.
Q: Why do you say that?
A: It would lead to fresh demands in the future.
Q: A bit like a crocodile, then?
A: You said that, not me.
Q: Should unionism fight the West Tyrone seat vacated by Barry McElduff?
A: Yes, but only if there’s an agreed candidate.
Q: Who would be the best agreed candidate?
A: A relative of a Catholic murdered by the IRA
Q: Why so?
A: Because unionism couldn’t then be accused of being sectarian.
Q: Is unionism often accused of sectarianism?
A: Only by its enemies.
Q: Any other advantage in having an agreed candidate who is Catholic and whose relative was killed by the IRA?
A: It would make the constitutional question irrelevant.
Q: Are you sure?
A: Of course.
Q: Would such a candidate have any other advantages?
A: It would show that terrorism was unjustified.
Q: With the obvious exception of Shinners, could anyone support this agreed candidate?
A: Yes. Supporters of Irish unity, unionists, environmentalists, Brexiteers, Remainers, conservatives, feminists, Christians, humanists, whatever.
Q: Would all these people have to agree on anything besides the candidate?
A: They would all have to agree that young people shouldn’t be fooled into seeing the years of the Troubles as reasonable.
Q: Is that what young people think now?
A: Quite a lot.
Q: Meanwhile, what is the IRA doing?
A: It’s making strides in its long-term aim to win the historical narrative.
Q: What was the overall IRA campaign riddled with?
A: Atrocities against civilians.
Q: What is Sinn Féin?
A: The political wing of the IRA.
Q: What does this wing feel about legacy cases?
Q: Why do you say that?
A: Because that’s why it brought down Stormont.
A: It wants to get its approach to the past.
Q: Can you explain that more clearly?
Q: Would younger people in the SDLP and Alliance vote for an agreed Catholic relative of an IRA victim?
A: Possibly not.
Q: Why not?
A: Unlike their seniors, they haven’t seen republican violence close up.
Q: What do Sinn Féin do over the past?
A: They crow and celebrate.
Q: Anything else?
A: They sneer and demand accountability of others.
Q: What are unionists angry over?
A: Republican triumpahlist hypocrisy.
Q: What should we all do?
A: Go off and think on these matters.
Q: And then?
A: Check back with me and I’ll give you some further instructions.
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