Q: What was a major feature of media reporting over the last six weeks or so?
A: What has become known as the rugby rape trial.
Q: Was this because it was a matter of public concern, affecting the welfare of great numbers of people here?
Q: Why did it receive reporting in such minute detail?
A: Because the general public have a voracious appetite for details of sexual activity. Makey-up sexual activity can be very popular (Fifty Shades of Grey, etc), but details of real and famous people’s sexual activity is even more popular. It’s a condition called voyeurism.
Q: What’s that?
A:It’s where you hide in a metaphorical cupboard and watch other people engage in sexual activity
Q: Has your respect for rugby players risen or fallen as a result of reading/hearing the details of this trial?
A: Neither. I never had a high opinion of rugby ‘culture’ and this has confirmed my low opinion.
Q: Why are there going to be demonsrations throughout Ireland in defence of the young woman at the centre of this case?
A: Because a considerable number of people believe she was put through a painful and humiliating time in the dock.
Q: Are the rugby players guilty?
A: Not legally. Legally they are innocent.
Q: What about non-legally?
A: Non-legally they stink.
Q: Finally – and pardon me if I’ve got this wrong – but did I hear you mention Martin McGuinness in relation to this case?
A: You did.
Q: You must be joking.
A: I am not.
Q: What’s the connection?
A: As I have indicated, large swathes of the population enjoy hearing about the sexual activity of the famous – I call it the closet complex.
Q: But where does the former Deputy First Minister come in?
A: Because large swathes of the public never tire of wanting to hear details of what Martin McGuinness did in the IRA.
Q: True, but what does that have to do with the rugby rape case?
A: Just as there are people who get their jollies from hearing the details of sexual activity, there are people who get their jollies by hearing about the details of violent activity.
Q: Surely they simply seek the truth.
A: The truth, but not simply. They are keen to hear the details of killings because it allows them to participate in violence from a safe distance, while at the same time expressing moral abhorrence for the very thing they can’t get enough of. From a safe distance, as I say.
Q: This morning’s VO/IN has on its front page a big close-up photo of Paddy Jackson. Is this journalism of the highest quality?
A: Perhaps not, but it sells papers.
Q: Which would you rather have: an evening out with Paddy Jackson and his mates, or an evening out with Donald Trump?
A:Pass. I mean FFS – PASS!