Talking of Mrs May

Person 1 : I see Theresa May has taken to visiting different places at a dizzying rate. What’s all that about?

Person 2: She’s hoping it will help her in the House of Commons vote on her Brexit agreement with the EU.

Person 1: Then why’s she trotting round the UK? 

Person 2: She is hoping that by visiting different constituencies, she will convince people, and that they in turn will convince their MPs.

Person 1: How long does she have to execute this amazing feat?

Person 2: Just under two weeks.

Person 1: Where has she visited so far?

Person 2: Wales and our own Tormented Green Corner (TGC)

Person 1: What was she doing here? The DUP have made it clear they’d rather be locked in a renewable-heated hen-house than vote for May’s deal.

Person 2: I’m not sure, to be honest. Maybe she wanted to show how much a part of the Precious Union our TGC is. Or maybe she wanted to dazzle the people in Queen’s University with her big red coat.

Person 1: She does have an impressive range of outfits. Is that what they call power dressing?

Person 2: Could be. Certainly her necklaces are invariably strong and stable.

Person 1: I heard she was going to Argentina.

Person 2: You heard right.

Person 1: Is she hoping to provoke the Argies to invade the Malvinas again, so she can do a Thatcher and send the British fleet out there to kill some of them and have her popularity surge?

Person 2: No, she’s going to a G20 summit there, then it’s back on the road all over the UK,

Person 1: Explain again the bit about why she’s doing this.

Person 2: Certainly. By winning over the grassroots, she’s hoping to put pressure on MPs to vote for her deal on 11 December.

Person 1: Will she visit Scotland on this barn-storming tour?

Person 2: She certainly will. She may already have.

Person 1: But the grassroots there voted by a clear majority to STAY in the EU. As did we here in the TGC.

Person 2: Mrs May loves a challenge.

Person 1: Or maybe she is a masochist who loves to travel.

Person 2: That is another possible reading of the situation.

Person 1: Will her strategy be successful? Will her bill pass?

Person 2: Time will tell.

Person 1: You mean it hasn’t a chance.

Person 2: Something like that.

Person 1: Does she travel Business Class?

Person 2: I think she has her own airplane.

Person 1: Will she have to give it up when Brexit happens and we’re all eating apples off a lorry brought in by the army and scavenging for shoes in recycling centres?

Person 2: I doubt it.

Person 1: Why?

Person 2: Because the sane section of the British people are stock-piling piano wire and drawing up a list of Brexiteers. I expect Mrs May to be on that list.

Person 1: And Boris?

Person 2: Almost certainly Boris.

Person 1: It’s an ill wind.

Person 2: Indeed. And I hear they’re reserving particularly strong and sharp piano wire for Nigel Farage.

Person 1: You’ve made my day.


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