With the Tory party contenders for leadership, something sort of weird has happened. Instead of pointing to their past achievements, they’re falling over each other to tell us how bold they were when they were young. There’s a leadership contender for every drug, and a drug for every leadership contender.
Boris? Put me down for cocaine and cannabis. Michael? Several bouts of cocaine snorting (although I blame the world of journalism). Angela? Some grass, please. Jeremy? Cannabis for me. Rory? A pipe full of opium, s’il vous plait.
What is happening? Is this some kind of humble-brag thing, where they try to outdo each other in cataloguing their drugs sins? Or are they saying that because you have a past doesn’t mean you can’t have a future? Or are they using drug-taking as a smoke-screen (no, please, Virginia) to hide other and more worrying sins? Such as lying. Or cheating on their partners. Or drink-driving. Or helping create the Brexit poo-pile that’s stinking out all of Europe and particularly Ireland at the moment.
Maybe they want to be thought of as people who have overcome adversity? Admittedly the adversity was self-created, but still, you gotta hand it to them. They have overcome.
Maybe, above all, they’re saying that just as the drug-taking was their own fault and they’ve seen the light and are embracing a drug-free existence, so too they’ve been the prime stokers of Brexit and now they’re going to help the UK turn over a new leaf and face tomorrow with a smile on its lips and a song in its heart?
Tell me – please, Virginia – tell me that this is all a drug-induced nightmare, the proverbial bad trip, and that any minute now I’ll come down and see that Boris, Jeremy, Angela and Rory and the whole Tory Brexit balls-up is nothing but a bad-trip dream.