Donald Trump and Boris Johnson – divided by an ocean but joined at the hip. If you were told that Boris was the love-child of Donald, chances are you’d entertain the notion for a few seconds at least. Because they do have startling similarities.
Donald: Hair colour is a damp blond-to-orange. This is a man who has not stinted on the dye side of the economy, presumably because he thinks these hair-drenches make him look nice. They don’t.
Boris: Hair is a tousled blond shade. We know from childhood photographs that Boris grew up with blond hair. But it’s hard to believe that at 55+ he hasn’t a few stray greys in there. Infusions of blondness, then, like his Stateside chum, but not quite as repulsive.
Donald: Goes nowhere without it. Applies the orange foundation to his face until he resembles a talking pancake.
Boris: Doesn’t do make-up. Yet.
- Body-mass and height
Donald: Is big and bulky, which is accentuated by the long dark coats he wears. He’s a big man – as he’d be the first to tell you – and is 6 foot 2 inches in height. Although his hands are notoriously small.
Boris: Bulky but not quite so tall – Boris is a full three inches shorter than Donald at 5 feet 11 inches. Boris doesn’t do the long coat thing. Nor, on many occasions, the jacket. Likes to lunge about in his shirt and trousers, the shirt –tail just marginally over his trousers.
Donald: Walks regally – like a king or emperor or fascist leader (Mussolini comes to mind). He is always erect, unbending. Could he be wearing a huge constricting corset under all those clothes.
Boris: walks in a crouch, eyes swiveling from side to side, as though looking for someone to rugby-tackle
Donald: speaks always as though addressing a monster rally (which he often is). This doesn’t mean that he always talks loudly. This is a man who knows how to use a microphone. At times his voice drops to a near-whisper, often in conjunction with holding one small hand aloft and making a circle with his thumb and first finger. This used to happen when he was speaking of Hillary Clinton. These days it’s more likely that he’s describing another White House employee he’s just fired.
Boris: Sometimes talks clearly and audibly, but generally works best when addressing a group of people in a room, not a monster rally. Frequently half-mumbles his words, and likes to lace his speech with Latin phrases and/or big words. Like his latest: ‘eschatology’. The fact that most people don’t know the meaning of this word or others like it without consulting a dictionary is a definite plus for the PM, suggesting he is very much smarter than his fans.
Donald: Attended Kew-Forest school from kindergarten until seventh grade. Fees at the school were around $30,000 a year. After Kew-Forest, he enrolled in the New York Military Academy, which was a private boarding school and is at present owned by a Chinese company. He went from there to the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania and did a business degree. Wharton has the highest count of billionaires of any university in the world.
Boris: Boris went to school at Eton (nuff said) and then Balliol College, Oxford (which also produced prime ministers Harold Macmillan and Edward Heath.) Was considered bright but lazy.
Donald : Despite several bankruptcies, Donald is reckoned to be worth about £3.5 billion.
Boris: while clearly drawn to power and wealth, Boris’s net worth is said to be a measly $2 million.
What do these comparisons tell us? Not a lot, except that while Boris is given to a twinkle in the eye and muttered witticisms, Donald rarely smiles and gets his laughs by calling people names: Crooked Hillary, Sleepy Creepy Joe Biden, Slippery James Comey, Lyin’ Ted Cruz).
If I had to be trapped in a lift, I’d choose Boris over Donald. But if I was offered a third option and given the change to climb out through the lift roof, a la Mel Gibson, I’d try it. To borrow Donald’s favourite word, both these men share a personality trait: they’re both nasty. Very nasty. (See the way I held up my joined thumb and middle finger when I said that? And the way my eyes swiveled?)