There is a plausible case, indeed a very plausible case, L. H.Oswald, to be made for the renaming of DUPlin’s fairly grotty city (which harbours a visceral loathing of RC grottoes) as:
-Dodge City.
(See Photo 1).
No, not because of its sometimes uncanny resemblance to the other Dodge City in Kansas which also boasted Earps (Wyatt and Virgil – take a bow, Mrs. Earp, for choosing those doozy names for the offspring) just as DUPlin had its own version of the Earps who were nicknamed the I.R.S.P. That was back in the day before Sherriff O Malley’s priority queue in the fast-track, short-cut Special Criminal Court sorted that unsavoury lot of alley-cats and twerps out. Yes: pronto, Tonto. No Deora shed for No Jury ! was the motto of this Courthsip with the Faeces of Fascism.
(Though the In-laws of the Outlaws still stubbornly maintain that ‘Tiocfaidh ár INLA fos’)
Tá dealramh leis an gcás, an-dhealramh, L.H. Oswald, atá le deanamh chun ainm na cathrach DUBlin atá abhairin díblí (agus a bhfuil an chloch sa mhuinchille aici do phluaiseanna naofa CR) mar…..Cathair Dodge}
(Amharc Griangraf 1).
Ní hea, ní toisc go bhfuil cosúlacht in amanta atá geall le bheith diamhair idir í agus an Chathair Dodge eile i Kansas a dhéanadh mortas tráth as na deartháireach Earp (Wyatt agus Virgi – umhlaigh, leid thoil, Bean Uí Earp as ucht na n-ainnmeacha iontacha úd a roghnú) díreach mar a bhíodh a leagan féin ag DUBlin ar a raibh an leasainm, an I.R.S.P. orthu. Tharla sin sar a chuir an Sirriam O Máille tús tobann leis an scuaine tosaíochta sa Chúirt Speisialta Aicearra Coiriúil leis an nos imeachta mear a chuir ord agus eagar ar na suaracháin siúd. Sea: pronto, Tonto. Nior sileadh aon Deora i ngeall ar an giuiré bheith as láthair.
(Biodh go maíonn gaolta cleamhnais na méirleach go ceanndána: ‘Tiocfaidh ár INLA fos !’)
And, indubitably, DUPlin today boasts its very own ‘Doc Holliday’ (we all know who HE is – he’s currently on alleged vacation from his vaccination of the ‘nation’ duties, paying partiuclar attention to the Delta Variant); it also boasts its own contemporary version of ‘ Big Nose Kate’ (a former ally of Doc H) and of course, the modern day Matt and Bat, i.e., Dillonaire and ‘Bat Masterson’ (whose name must be spoken so quickly as to ensure an elision which captures the full flaovur of this beaut). One gave a lot of thought to mentioning (gulp) Shotgun John Collins (sic) (1850 – 1922) and his modern equivalent in DUPlin but one decided to postpone any mention till his Centenary next year, so one did.
Agus, gan dabht, nil teorainn leis an brod domhain, donn atá ag DUPlin cois na Life lofa inniu as a ‘Doc Holliday’ féin (is eol dúinn go léir cé hÉ seo – faoi láthair tá sé ar a leathanta saoire, más fior, ona dhualgas i leith bhaicsainiú an ‘náisiúin’, ag tabhbairt aire ar leith don Leagan Deilte. Tá le fáil freisin a leagan féin de ‘Cháit na Sroine Moire’ (iar-chomhghuaillí den Doc H) agus ar ndoigh na leaganacha comhaimseartha de Matt agus Bat, i.e. faoi seach, Dilliúnaí agus ‘Bat Masterson, (a gcaitear a ainm a rá chomh tapaidh sin le cinntiú go bhfuil bá idir an t-aimn baistí agus an sloinne).Rinne duine macnamh fada faoi thagairt a dhéanamh do (slog) Gránghunna Seán Coileáin (sic) (1850-1922) agus an duine is gaire do inniu i nDUPlin ach beartaíodh gan aon tagarit a dhéanamh do go dtí a Chomoradh Céad Bliain an bhliain seo chugainn.
No, the actual reason why DUPlin might be renamed Dodge City is as follows: a Dodge (as a noun qua noun, Pa) is defined by the (gulp) Collins English Dcitornary as ‘a plan or expedient contrived to deceive’ And it is indubitable that the Democratic Rule of the DUPlin Government, guv, can best be described as:
-Demagogic Rule by Dodge.
Ní hea, an fáth go bhféadfai DUPlin a athainmniú mar Cathair Dodge ná seo leanas: sainmhínítear Dodge (mar ainmfhocal qua ainmfhocal, Pa) i (slog) bhFocloir Béarla Uí Choileáin mar ‘plean no seift le bob a bhualadh’. Agus níl dabht dá laghad gur féidir cur síos a dhéanamh ar an Riail Dhaonlathach an Rialtais DUPlin, gobh, mar seo leanas:
-Riail Dhéimeagogach leis an tSeift..
-Demagogic ?
(Actually, it may be spelt in two ways: DemaGOGic and DeMAGOGic, for it is a Coalition we are Dáil-ing with here).
It’s a regular Lanigan’s Ball scenario, or rather Lanigan’s Ballsup as, sadly, the two main patrners, GOG and MAGOG (sez Mizzy Green, plaintively in her twee plain chant: ‘there are twee in this political marriage of inconvenienve ‘– chalk-scrawled as graffiti in the convenience wall of the Dáil Bar) and they haven’t quite managed to master the two-step choreography of the dance routine, though admittedly, it is a hard choreography, hard on egomaniacs, in the main. Especially as both GOG and MAGOG big-up with the right foot.
–Déimeagogach?
(Déanta the firinne, is féidir an focal a lirtiú ar dhá bhealach: DéimeaGOGach agus DéiMEAGOGach. Mar is Comhrialtas atá muid ag Dáil-eail leis anseo),.
Is cosúil le gnáthamh coitianta Bhál Uí Lonagáin é, no, níos cosúile, seans, le Praiseach Uí Lonagáin, de bhrí nár éirigh leis an dís mhor phairtnéirí, GOG agus MEAGOG, máistreacht a fháil ar an damhsa dáchéimneach bíodh go bhfuil, ní mor a admháil, an choireagrafaíocht deacair go leor. Ach tiocfaidh a lá fos, os rud é go bhfuil an stáitín ar a bhfuil aithris á dheanamh ag an Saor Staitin o Dheas air: An Choiré Thuaidh. Go háirithe agus a bhaineann sé le coimhréireacht na mormheán-chumarsáide.
Take the most up-to-date Dodge:
(See photo 2)
This involves greyhound bussing from the Free Southern Stateen of Kansas to the Free Northwestern Stateen of Oregon, from where Katherine Zappone (the surname’s actual pronunciatioon rhymes with Croney rather than Capone) first and last came trailing cloud-funded clouds of glory-O.
And her most recent (‘unexpected’) appearance was as an honroured guest on the Mimsy O Call-again Sunday Show on RTE Radio where she orally bore the placard which flagged her ambish by ambush:
– ‘This Sleepless Lesbian from Seattle is no Has Been !’
Tog an tSeift is mo suas chun dáta.
Tá turas i mbus cú on Saor Stáitín Deisceratach Kansas go dtí Saor Stáitín Iarthuaisceartach Oregon, ona gcéad tháinig Katherine Zappone (baineann fuaimniú cuí an tsloinne rím as Croney seachas as Capone) agus í ag sraoilleadh scamaill scamall-mhaoinithe de Ghloir-Onortha ! )
Agus í mar aoi onortha le déanaí (gan choinne) ar Sheo Domhnaigh Mimsí O Tar-ar-Ais ar RTE mar a chrom a glor os ard san agus ar an aer an plaiceárd seo:
-Nil a Lá Thart fos ag an Leisbiach Easuanach seo o Seattle !
Despite, or perhaps, because of her Fianna failure to retain her Dáil seat in the General Election .
Shoot !, the trouble is, simply, Slim Pickens, that the temporary MAGOG omitted to inform his boss, the temporary GOG, of his close to the nose pick for this appointment as (gulp) Special Envoy of the FSS to the United Nations (sic) on stuff and tonsils to do with Freedom of Laisez-faire Expressionism yaddayaddayad, Dad. (excluding, natch, Section 31, in the land of the Thatch).
Who’d a-thunk that the SE in SEATTLE wudda stood for Special Envoy?
D’ainneoin, no, b’fhéidir toisc a teip ina hiarracht chun a suíochán Dála a choinneáil sa Toghchán Ginearálta. Scaoil ! Is é croí, no easpa croí, na faidhbe, Seang Piocadh, ná gur theip ar an MAGOG sealdach, an Tánaiste dána, a shaoiste, an Taoiseach, GOG sealdach, a chur ar an eolas faoin cheapachán/chapachán mar (slog) Thoscaire Speisialta an SSD chun na Naisiún (sic) Aontaithe i leith na seafoide agus ráiméise a bhaineann le Saoirse Laissez-Faire an Eispriseanachais cacamasachamas, (seachas, ar ndoigh, Alt 31 ar dTír an Tuí, a chroí).
The breakwinds of no change blew unpleasantly in their, well, usual smelly, way into, instead of out of, the Cork goalmouth in Killarney/ Hell’s Reflex last Sunday where De Blood ‘n Bandage, boy, suffered a heavy drubbing at the, yerra, feet and hands of Kerry. A knowledgeable pundit called Pandit of Gaelic football (alas, bogball is copyright of the Irish Dependent) pointed to Cork’s failure to avail of the current political dispensation. This, Pandit the Pundit claimed, was enough of a factor in De Rebels’ being stuffed, boy. Instead of having a coalition of three keepers across the goal-line they insisted on persevering with the prehistoric tradition of one keeper rule. A Fianna failure of nerve, perhaps?
Bhi gaoithe broime na neamh-athruithe á séideadh go míthaithneamách sa ghnáthbhealach lofa thíos i gCill Áirne / Frithluail Ifirinn ar an Domhnach seo caite isteach i, seachas amach o, Chúl Chorcaí nuair a d’fhulaing An Smál Fola ‘s An Bindealán, a bhuachaill, léasadh trom sa toin o lámha agus cosa dheiereanna na Ríochta. Leag Pandit, saineolai ar an Pheil Ghaelach (mo léan, tá bogball faoi choipcheart ag an Spleáchaí Éireannach) an milleán re teip Chorcaí ar dhrogall na Reibiliúnaithe, a bhuachaill, leas a bhain as an dispeansáid reatha pholaitiúil. In ionad comhghuaillíocht triúir a lonnadh ar an gcúl-líne, lean siad leis an traidisiún réamh-stairiúil: dlí an chúlbháire aonair. Loic ar mhisneach FF, faraoir ?
Take now the most recurring Dodge (on an annual basis).
(See Photo 3)
Tog an tSeift thimthriallach (ar bhonn bliantúil)
(Amharc Giangraf 3)
This Dodge focuses on the Sunday nearest July 11 in the Free Southern Stateen where the ‘National’ Day of Commemoration commemorates (celebrates, not?) all Irishmen and Irishwomen who died in past wars.
Dirionn an tSeift seo ar an Domhnach is gaire d’Iúil 11 san Saor Stáitin o Dheas, mar a chomorann An Lá ‘Náisiúnta’ Comortha (ceiliúrann?) gach fear Éireannach agus gach bean Éireannach a fuair bás i gcogaidh stairiúla.
Happily, it also gives the nod to those who think of Dodge City, Kansas by the aka-ing as Boot Hill of the location of the most moving of all the ceremonies in Memorial Park, Islandanbridge which is located, provocatively, within firing squad range of the killing field of Kilmainham.
Ar an dea-uair, aontaítear leo siúd atá den tuairim gurb é Cathair Dodge, Kansas ag an searmanas is mo tochta sa Pháirc Chuimhneacháin, Droichead an Oileain, ata Cnoc na Broige, atá suite go gríosaitheach, taobh istigh de raon an scuaid lámhaigh ag Gort an Áir i gCill Mhaighneáin.
Sob ! Sob ! A Sob from tbe bench ! Make it a blood Sobstitute !!
Mo léan, diríonn an tocht istigh is mo chroí briste bocht go gcaithfear an tSeift áirithe seo a athosú an tseachtain seo chugainn…………………………………(slog).
Sos fola, Sos uisce.
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