Sic transit gloria Johnson

 So what was it that brought down – or shortly will- the tousle-headed joker who got caught on a zip-wire and waved Union flags while millions adored him? What was it that brought him – or soon will- to his knees, his lying gob in the dirt?

Some would say it was his lying gob. It’d be interesting to hear a psychiatric testing of a man who seemed more at home with deception than truth. Was it his obvious lie of saying he didn’t know Pincher was a groper when he made him deputy Chief Whip for the party? Maybe it was his betrayal of the DUP? (Nah – only kidding, Virginia.)

Or was it the continual rounds of parties in No 10,  which gave him a chance to tell more lies, like his inability to spot when a party was happening? Was it the contrast between cheery quaffer Johnson and the thousands of people who had to watch their loved one – a child, a partner, a granny – die alone, because the rules forbade closer contact?

Maybe it was the fact that his jokes no longer sounded funny. Maybe he dropped one too many polysyllabic gobbets into his speeches, to the point where people felt , not amused, but that they were stupid for not knowing its meaning and resented Johnson for making them feel inadequate?

In a way it was all of these things, with the Pincher creep the final straw on a mound of other flaws. But let us never forget, the foundation of all this twisting, hissing, stinking pile was one thing that the British people connived with Johnson to make happen: Brexit.

Maybe Johnson felt he could use the Hooray-for-Brexit article rather than the Hooray-for-the-EU article, and have a jolly time as PM before the ceiling fell in. Maybe he began to believe his own lies, that he was taking the UK to a land of freedom and prosperity. If the latter, then he was an even bigger fool than most of us thought.

Brexit has done irreparable damage to the British economy. Yes, it looks like a recession is common to the rest of the world, but how come NEI, with access to the single market, is doing a lot better than the rest of the UK? Brexit is the pup Johnson sold to the British people, with huge lies emblazoned on the side of a bus telling people how good It would be for the NHS. That’s the NHS which is under-staffed and under-funded and privatised like there was no tomorrow. Which for the NHS there may not be.

Brexit sold a stupid dream of independence rather than co-operation. It pretended it would re-create Britain as a powerful, fear-inspiring tanker of prosperity. All the rest – preferential treatment to that skippy American businesswoman, turning a blind eye to the series of vomit-streaked parties, abusing Jeremy Corbyn as a big girl’s blouse and Keir Starmer as Captain Hindsight, a national shortage of labour, crops rotting in the fields – all of that has as its foundation the hara-kiri of national self-harm we term Brexit.

Well done, Johnson, you big skunk’s stripe, you incompetent, lying, country-damaging, Titanic-steering Captain Idiot. You have done the state some spectacular disservice.

I was going to end by urging Johnson to resign now, immediately;  but actually I hope he stays. I really do. With Johnson at the helm, independence for Scotland is far more likely and a Yes-majority in a border poll is far more likely in Ireland.  It’s amazing how even a stinking skunk can contribute to the merriment of nations.

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