Casement Park and checking the litmus paper

I never did learn much science in school, partly because of my tendency to day-dream and partly because of my teacher’s warped notion of how to teach. But every so often a shred of information from Science class will surface, and in recent days I’ve found myself remembering litmus paper. If you [ut  litmus paper in an acidic solution it turns red, and if the solution is alkaline it turns blue.

That was when I read a report on the words of DUP minister Gordon Lyons, DUP leader Jeffrey Donaldson and British Secretary of State Chris Heaton-Harris.

Let’s start with the British SoS.  “The money for it will be found. It will happen – I guarantee you that”. Straight-talking, you my think. Except the SoS these days has the look of a man who is counting down the hours until the general election and he can get out of this baffling, half-assed stateen.  He may even be picturing himself climbing aboard the plane and sighing ‘Bring me a tall brown one. What a bloody awful country!’ Make Chris’s litmus paper Tory-blue.

There were reports, now denied by the DUP Communities minister  (‘There was no such memo’). that the DUP’s Gordon Lyons had told his staff not to refer to Gaelic football as, well, football. Soccer was football, Gaelic football was Gaelic and them uns games were bog-primitive anyway…No, no, no, Gordon, I made that last little bit up. On’y a joke. But you did say it’d introduce a “big difficulty”, didn’t you? And then there was that statement  “What we do need to have, if there will be additional UK public funds committed to Casement Park, I think it is important that we see that investment in football as well.”  There’s just a tiny hint that the GAA don’t play football – at least not as we know it.  So make Gordon’s paper light blue, OK?

And then there was DUP leader Jeffrey Donaldson telling everybody his views on Casement Park development: “We cannot see how significant additional UK taxpayer resources will be available at a time when other vital public services are in need of additional resource and capital allocations”.

In other words,  them uns better not think we the UK are going to sink yet MORE money into a project that will have people from all over Ireland coming to games, spending their money and generally providing West Belfast with a sporting and economic hub. You rang the bell, Jeffrey. Strong royal blue.

This isn’t the Irish Language Act revisited, but it looks like it will show up the DUP in its old familiar colours. All together, now; “Oh I never felt more like singing the blues…”