“Moving house. It’s one of the most difficult decisions you’ll ever make” the voice-over tells us at the opening of GOODBYE HOUSE (RTÉ ONE). This is the sixth series of this programme, but somehow I have managed to starve my soul by not watching it. Last week I made amends.
As GOODBYE HOUSE sees it, you make the choice of a new house by asking the families who know you best to pick out a property. (I’d have thought the families who know your bank balance best might also have featured.)
Angie wants to swap her house in the suburbs for a smaller place by the sea. Her old friend Úna, brother-in-law George and neighbour Maeve plan to help her. She’s lived in a Sandyford semi for nineteen years – which she bought without even seeing inside it.
Angie goes on at some length about the wonderful qualities of the house she’s in – “but her gut is telling her to move on.”
She wants somewhere closer to the sea – out of Dublin. She’s got €450-500K as her budget and she wants a south-facing garden.
Úna, George and Maeve do a video of the house they’ve selected for her.
The one George has picked is low on insulation. But sure it has a fabulous garden, George says, pottering around in it. “Aw now, lot of maintenance in that, George” Maeve says.
Una’ s got a two-bedroom bungalow outside Gorey. Take down two walls, Una says, and put an island here. “And it’s perfect for a wood-burner”.
“I like the window in the bathroom. It’s not often you get a good big window in a bathroom” Angie tells Úna. How much? “Two hundred and nine thousand – really and truly.”
Now it’s time to look at Maeve’s house selection. ‘Nice spacious hallway, I’ll give you that” Úna tells Maeve. “And the garden is very low maintenance – you’ve got gravel”. “It’s nicer than yours, Úna, isn’t it?” Maeve says“ No comment” Úna replies.
Somebody suggests a king-size bed would look good. “At Angie’s age she doesn’t want to be chasing around a bed looking for somebody” Úna says.
Now it’s time for Angie to decide which house she’ll go and have a look at. Maeve’s house is out – it’s overlooked at the back but open at the front.
Angie loved the privacy of Una’s house but the location is not ideal.
“George, I think your property is amazing but I don’t like flat roofs and I don’t like narrow kitchens.”
Roll of drums. “The house. That I have decided. To go and view. Is Una’s house!”
“Woohooo!” Úna says. Úna has a competitive streak.
“I’ll know as soon as I walk into it whether it’s the house or not” Angie tells the three hunters.
But wouldn’t you know – before the credits roll at the end, we’re told Covid and looking after an elderly father means Angie’s going nowhere for now.
You get a lot of those much-ado-about-nothing endings in house-buying programmes.
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