See whenever I’m feeling down and depressed, I read my copy of our Finance Minister’s book on city hall politics over the years and laugh with glee. The Unionists, whatever you think of them, are a crowd of comedians. I genuinely find them funny and even find myself liking some of them based on their odd sense of humour. It’s all fun, games and Ulster Fries to them.
I was at a bar in city centre not that long ago and bumped into a well-known Unionist politician. Given that he knew my relatives, it wasn’t long before we were chatting over pints and laughing away. By the end of the night, he was singing and crowd waving to “Some Say the Devil is Dead” with bold fenian pride – embracing that once dreaded ethos of the Falls Road.
Some of them believe they are the Lost Tribes of Israel. Others, like the fantastic Mr. Ian Adamson (the “Ullan’s Guru”) think Unionists are a persecuted minority under the heel of a Celtic conspiracy. Mr Sammy Wilson, a man I find hilarious and a very able Finance Minister, previously won damages for the publishing of youthful photos of him in his birthday suit. Mr Ian Paisley once thought that Roman Catholic priests handed out machine guns after Mass; denouncing metaphorically that pigs cannot not lie in their own sh**.
Mr George Seawright infamously punched Secretary of State Tom King and told them to “fuck off back to Britain”, while dubbing the RUC “bast***s”. Mr Frank Millar declared Nelson Mandela “a black Provo!” Yes, the advance of the “harlot of Rome” was often the battle-cry each Sabbath at Martyr’s Memorial Church.
There are of course articulate figures like the journalist Alex Kane, who probably looks on some of them as though they were an embarrassing elderly relative at a house party. But it’s all a bit of a Pig in a Poke to most of them. With some, like Willie Frazer, it’s extra funny when you realise that they are actually serious.
For all our problems in this part of the world, and we have many of them, there are times when you really must chuckle. For one things’ for sure, if you didn’t laugh then you certainly would cry.
Those in the know say that Idi Amin had a great sense of humour. Likewise the butcher Churchill. All very fine fellows to while away the evening with.
Well ..some say that Nigel Farage thinks of himself as a very funny fellow too and it’s true he has been blessed with a comic’s face which would be quite at home in a Wallace and Grommit animation ….and as for President- in -waiting Donald Trump, he has also been known to utter the odd ribald turn of coarse phrase in casual conversation. Even Hitler must have had a sense of humour about his legendary flatulence. I mean …how did he and his generals keep a straight face when his trousers coughed loudly with some regularity ? The side -effects of his vegetarianism might always gave the volks a laugh.
Still …it’s a fact that we are usually laughing at the antics of these politicians rather than laughing with them. Our Wee Sammy Wilson after all, is still a climate change denier even in face of the seas warming up and the latest threatened Antarctic iceberg breakaway ,which is apparently a quarter the size of Wales and could possibly destablise everything and bring rising seas eventually .
Tell us the one, harry, about all the chariots that brought about the last Ice Age. Them bloody mammoths and their flatulence. The sun will burn out in 6 billion years. Worry about that as you prefer screw caps to corks.
Ah fiosrach …you lost me at “chariots that brought about the last Ice Age”….that’s too abstract for my poor wee brain…
You were aware that all the cork trees in Portugal are being cut down because wine bottlers prefer screw caps
Funny enough fiorach, they seem to have been using some kind of plastic bung , tricked up to look like cork, for some years now…
I don’t care what anyone says, Willie Frazer is the funniest guy in Ireland. The sheer unashamed hypocrisy from that man is incredible lol I’ve been a big fan of his videos for around 7 year’s now, there’s about 100 of them on his youtube channel. From calling Republicans “thramps” to utterly rewriting history to suit his outlook, Willie really is special. There was a time when I was seriously dared by a friend to get a tattoo of Willie’s face on my left bum cheek. I haven’t got any tattoo’s but I did give it serious thought at the time.
I’ve read a few books on Unionism, the most useful I found to be Susan McKay’s “Northern Protestants”, a series of interviews given by Unionists/Protestants from all backgrounds, working class, upper class, wives of Unionist politicians, children of Unionist politicians, Protestant farmers, Unionists from mixed communities, etc.
What surprised me initially was the amount of Protestants/Unionists in the book that admitted that Irish Unity was the solution to the Troubles and that they hoped it would come about. Not all thought that obviously but a sizable minority did and they admitted they feared speaking out due to a backlash from extremists in Unionist political parties or on the streets.
One thing I noted, as pointed out by the author too, is the Unionist belief in an inevitable “Doom” of Unionism and the Northern State. This is reflected in many of the interviews McKay did. Paisley often spoke of this. Many other prominent Unionists did too. There was no middle ground, there was no situation where both communities here could be happy, it was always Win or Lose for Unionism. Last year there were survey’s conducted where a majority of Unionists who responded considered themselves the “losers of the peace process” despite the fact NI is still in the Union. The Unionist mind set tends to be: “If Catholics get something or if Catholics are happy, then we must be losing out”. Hence the Win and Lose mind set. They think if Catholics are happy then that possibly cant be good for Unionism. Hence the opposition to equality, to progress and to a shared future. Equality for everyone is as good as a defeat for a lot of Unionists.
Putting the serious stuff to one side, Unionism can be funny at times. From Jamie Bryson believing that Stormont was going back to the 1960’s era due to a flag to Ian Paisley believing Ulster Protestants were the descendants of one of the Lost Tribes of Israel, they have provided some great comic material.
Yes,Ryan …you are absolutely right. i mentioned elsewhere that life here in Norneverland is dark,unbridled satire, not unlike Lilliput .it always has been.Of course there are stock Walter Mitty characters in the mix too ,like Ooor Wullie . As you say , there might be a fun-filled boxset in his utterances but there’s little chance of him ever working as a politician .Even the Reverend Ian Paisley’s medieval howlings back in the day were funny except for the fact that many believed the daft bugger was for real instead of laughing at him. Some people never , ever get the joke at all.As you say , there’ s always that thing that if one person gets something (the joke) , the other person loses something.