This has to be one of the coldest, wettest, bleakest Sundays we’ve had this winter. If we were characters in a Russian novel, it’s on a day like today that Ivor would go out and hang himself in the barn. But not if he had s copy of today’s Sindo. If he had, he’d be laughing madly and opening a fresh bottle of vodka. Really, the Sindo should give serious thought to putting the slogan “Laughter is the best medicine!” underneath its title. Because you know you can rely on it, week in week out, to take your chuckle muscles on a workout.
This week’s top three comedians are (in no particular order) Declan Lynch, Ruth Dudley Edwards and the inimitable Eoghan Harris. And the laughter they offer? Well there’s the general rib-tickling thought that you know no Sunday will pass without them bringing out of a saucepan or two, so to say, to bang on the head of Sinn Féin. The more particular good cheer is to be found in the shape of the bashing saucepan each chooses.
Take Declan:he’s quite worked up this week about the way Sinn Féin are agin a hierarchy of victims. This will put them on a terrible hook next year, he says, because they won’t be able “to pay any special tribute…[to]Patrick Pearse, Thomas Clarke or Joseph Plunkett.” You’re a scream, Declan, you really are. The way you glide past the notion that every life is uniquely valuable but some people live at the humdrum and some at the heroic level – well, it’s just ..masterly. And deadpan throughout. Brilliant,Declan.
Then there’s Ruthie. She says the SDLP were really good to support the idea of having the UK National Crime Agency here whereas the silly Shinners weren’t. Not just that, but Seamus Mallon was and is a moral Colossus to the republican pygmies. She recalls an interview Seamus did two years ago in which he said the Shinners would never have integrity until they “looked into the unionist heart as well as the unionist mind. It has got to, even despite what unionism does, we have got to make unionism part of Irish life”. As it is, Seamus figures the Shinners are simply intent on humiliating unionists. Now if that claim doesn’t raise a smile on your rosebuds, there’s something wrong with you. You probably thought a central tenet of Sinn Féin strategy for the past fifteen years was rapprochement with unionism. Uh-uh. Seamus says they want to humiliate unionism and Ruthie says she couldn’t agree more. Oh God – I’ll give myself a hernia if I keep reading this stuff. It’s dangerous at my age.
And last but not least Eoghan. The scourge of republicanism says that Fine Gael should be happy to be called Blueshirts because that can mean a Fine Gaeler is one who “believes in a frugal public sector, a flourishing private sector and keeping a beady eye on the IRA….Michael Noonan should spend less time joking cosily with Pearse Doherty and a little more time looking for the political jugular.” In addition he notes that the Garda Commissioner’s office was forced by the Shinners into saying “An Garda Siochana hold no information or intelligence to support the assertion of Mr[Jim] Cusack that the ‘Provisional IRA still maintains its military structure and confines its criminal activities to fuel-laundering, cigarette-smuggling and counterfeiting’.” ( Ruth, incidentally, says there are Lithuanians, Albanians, Nigerians and dissident republicans among those who have successfully moved in on what used to be virtually a Provo monopoly.” Um, maybe you and Eoghan should get a room, Ruthie, and sort out this minor discrepancy, Ruthie?). But did you notice what Eoghan did there? Quoted the Garda Commissioner’s denial that the IRA was involved illegal smuggling etc as evidence that they were actually involved in illegal smuggling. A dazzling paradox from the maestro himself.
I turn my gaze from this hat-trick of funny journalism and glance out at the dreary weather. Doyou know what?. I no longer care. I may not, as the song says, have my love to keep me warm, but I have the Sindo. Before you make up your mind, have a laugh.
Hard to beat the good old Sindo to keep us all in good form. I look forward to it every Sunday now, knowing that as the election approaches ever closer, the stories will get even funnier.
The 3 amigos, perched on their ever diminishing sandbank as the tide refuses to recede.
Bordering on the absurd
Is there a right side of the border and a wrong side of the border? Why is it that some writers and academics choose to focus on the border yet ignore the issue of partition? Could it have something to do with a reluctance to address the legitimacy of the border and the fact that the northern state is not a country.
A preoccupation with the status of victims avoids the need to address evidence of institutional sectarianism. It also avoids the need to question collusion between security forces and (dis)loyalists that resulted in sectarian murders. In a similar vein, an emphasis on a hierarchy of victims facilitates the exclusion and marginalization of views that do not fit the northern Irish narrative. It is clearly not comfortable or a career option for some writers to examine a sectarian explanation for British intervention in the north of Ireland.
The proconsul’s latest initiative (?) on parades is a case in point. She is not a neutral player and continues to promote social and cultural exclusion. She wishes to engage with ‘civic society’ which like ‘national security’ does not come with a definition. She wishes to engage with ‘business representatives.’ Who are they and who decides? She wishes to engage with ‘the church’. Which church and who decides? Do unelected clerics have a mandate that takes precedence over residents? It is all as misleading as the term, ‘Independent’ especially when used in the context of a newspaper.
Hilarious but unfortunate that many take such shite seriously. The Blue Shirts, now there is a revision of matters worthy of closer inspection. Would that the venerable Harris would submit to cross examination on this most reactionary of allegiances.Thatcherism it may well be economically and socially, but overt alignment with Fascists show him in his true colours. Might see him yet at a couple of water charge protests bashing a few heads in yet. In Nazi Germany he would not be under the floorboards. As for Ruthless, and her judicious appraisal of Mallon, she has missed the bigger picture. History will indict Mallon and Hendron and McGrady and Cahill Daly and ever token Taig who acquiesced in the persecution of their own people. Urging people to join the RUC who were overtly up to their necks on collusion and direct bloody murder saw these spineless toadies far from inert and their complicity with Oppression overt and galling. Along with Deccy, this tripartite pincer movement of reactionary contradictions hopefully with serve only to remind those of any wit, that the dogs are starting to yelp as the Hare speeds off.
You have to hand it to Seamus Mallon Eddie McGrady Hendron etc imagine beliving murder was wrong and condemning murder no matter who did it, aye it only took SF another thirty years to get to that bridge still it will take even longer for the likes of G Kelly Barry McElduff to ever come close to Mallons stature who is a fine upstanding Irish gentleman
can i join in the laugh hahahahahahahahaha, stupid bigots with a flat earth mind !!!!
neill talks about mallon as a fine upstanding irish gentleman yet the uup would not stay in power with the sdlp led by mallon and trimble, hypocrisy of the highest order
That was a major mistake which both parties I suspect both regret now
When Majella o’Hare was murdered by british troops in whitecross, armagh, Mallon was very quick to vocalize the ‘army version’ despite the many eyewitness testimonies that contradicted it. Mallon was all about trumpeteing himself/the SDLP as THE great saviours no matter what the circumstances. If he condemned abuses by state forces with half the vigor he used for republicans then maybe he could be seen as the statesman you describe
Well said Paul. Strangely mallon managed to escape the wrath of the British militia even though he lived in the heartland of the glennane gang. Other nationalists who challenged the state/unionist forces were not so lucky eg pat finucane,Rosemary nelson etc. Even when they were targeting ‘uppity taigs’ he was never in their crosshairs.
Mallon just like Cardinal cahal daly managed to speak out of both sides of the mouth. They would condemn state force abuses but they made it known their venom was mostly directed at republicanism, lest any confusion.
I haven’t much time for the shinners but even I can chuckle when I read mallon is still giving off at Sinn Fein stealing the sdlp’s thunder in the north. The bitterness is hanging out of him. A bit like the contempt he displayed against the housing estate type pupils he encountered, years ago, when he was a headmaster in armagh City. Cos you know them types just weren’t classy enough for infamous Seamus.
Alas Seamus may have the last laugh as the shinners who stole his party’s clothes in Armagh would appear to be afflicted by the same ailment he had, which is snobbery.
Mallon,Hendron,McGrady and the rest were middle class professionals who dabbled in politics as a kind of hobby,Nobody belonging to them ever felt the wrath of the British state and they never really believed the extent to which state forces were up to their necks in collusion.They were always sure of a comfortable lifestyle either through their professions or the benevolence of the “staters” with Seanad nominations etc.Journalists always looked forward to the SDLP conference as it was “great crack”,a real “social occasion”,unlike SF’s where real decisions were made and where delegates were killed by Loyalists for attending and being shown on TV .The party always had huge personality clashes and infighting which is even more prevalent today.For one outstnding example of the “fine outstanding Irish gentlemen” who led the party ,consider one Mr G Fitt who conspired with Rees to “pin the blame” for McGurks bar on the provos for political advantage.
Magic Wolf
What would you do without Ruth Dudley Edwards?She seems to feature in so many of your blogs.Is she aware of your long distance admiration ?!!
I think she is, Argenta, but she interprets it as male chauvinism…
The ethics of War now is a many varied and interpreted realm Neill. What the British did through RUC, Special Branch, Force Research Unit, MI5, 6 every SAS and loyalist right wing death squad at their disposal, they have replicated in every resource War they have partook in since to perfection sowing the seeds of discord and sectarian strife. “Lethal Allies” by Anne Cadwallader covers only the Glenane branch of this poisoned tree. It is easy to coset oneself in an insulated bubble and commemorate respectable slaughters. Anti-War activists generally don’t discriminate. While three million People over in Britain Marched against the invasion of Iraq, Unionists here were either muted or enthusiastic as usual about yet another military adventure they could vitriolically show their allegiance to Britain by supporting. Always have had one eye shut when it comes to the shady side of State sponsored murder also, but then in the valley of the blind, a nod and wink, who could blame the Gamekeeper ringing the odd pheasant’s neck,- and still the poppies blush. In opposition to yet more Wars engaged by Britain as a protester you’d have to be a Fenian or a Communist. Time Unionists grew up and stopped playing at being Super Brits.
What happened in the troubles was wrong in every count it didn’t leave any group with any great degree of pride.
While three million People over in Britain Marched against the invasion of Iraq, Unionists here were either muted or enthusiastic as usual about yet another military adventure they could vitriolically show their allegiance to Britain by supporting.
What about the other 57 million people in the UK did they support the war?
Lethal Allies” by Anne Cadwallader covers only the Glenane branch of this poisoned tree
Yes indeed she obviously has her agenda and would be fair to say she is not entirely an honest broker is she?
Brendan Behan, whose ample array of talents included those of an OTR and a man of letters, is reputed to have remarked on one of many occasions when in the process of lying low that in ‘the event of the Free State’s judiciary sentencing him to death in absentio then they were welcome to also hang him in absentio’.
An uninhibited poet laureate of the gibbet, Albert Pierpoint would have been imported to do the dirty work on behalf of pernickety Paddy on the rickety steps hard by the banks of the Royal Canal.
When the obliging Mr. Pierpoint wasn’t lowering pints in his Lanchashire alehouse he liked to lower his peers at home and abroad.
The dramatist Behan had no qualms about importing him into his most renowned play, ‘The Quare Fellow’.
In the immortal phrase of Slim Pickens, ‘shoot ! there wouldn’t be much darn cause to be importing important folk like Ole Al into the Free Southern Stateen of today.’
As a quick gawk through the grimy window of the R.E.D. top Sindo would reveal.
For R.E.D., read Ruth, Eoghan, Dec.
The new triangle of Ruth, Eoghan, Dec
Dangle uncouth red-necks by the neck
A snob, nabob and yob
Comprise this lynch mob
Lucky Warbeck’s neck’s hard as a cromlech.
There is one thing that many people would agree with Rutthie and that is that those involved with the SDLP were nice. The British thought they were nice. The unionists thought they were nicer than those working class Bolshie Fenians. Most Irish Catholics felt, well if they are involved in the management of the local parish, are on the Board of Governors of all our Catholic Schools and well represented as Principals and teachers of the local Catholic Schools – “well they must be nice”.
They mightn’t have done much to expose the British Security forces in murdering Irish and British citizens to perpetrate the war which raged here or fight for equality for all citizens but they were nice!
I have to say the dislike of the SDLP is truly venomous probably worse than the Dup which I suppose is a fair representation of the people who read this blog
Arise while one can
For spitting royal bile by the imperial gallon
S.Mallon like Fitt is infamous for this talent
Thus neglect by the regal
Dejects an old bald eagle
Time Lizzie the Lizard tapped with her talon.
Neill
A very fair point.No doubt you will have observed that in this blogspot ,Sinn Fein can do no wrong and the villains are all in the other parties! Of course any journalist who dares to point out that the Emperor is lacking ” in the clothes department” is immediately regarded as suspect!!
Surely that should be ‘all’ and not ‘any’, Argenta??
Unless you are paranoid.I think “any” is more appropriate .
Sooo, Argenta…My being paranoid depends on your thoughts. Woooo. Scary.
The SDLP ‘hierarchy” IMO did very little for the plight of the working class marching for equal housing, one man one vote, fair employment practices etc.. As I have stated Mallon never missed an oppurtunity to spew vitriol at repubicans or ‘towns/villages designated as republican” see Majella O’Hare shooting.
When Bobby Sands was running for the vacant seat of Fermanagh S Tyrone, Austin Currie was set to run against him, but failed to get his papers in on time. The SDLP claim was the prisoners had no mandate. Another SDLP gaffe of the highest order. Over 30,000 people proved them wrong.
AS I have posted many times here, NO Party has claim to ultimate moral superiority. If the Unionist parties worked as hard for their working class constituents as they do for parade rights it would be a blessing. SF is not perfetc in my eyes either, but they have a mandate and Unionits and the southern parties need to start working with them ( any any party that has a mandate) towards a new Ireland
Surely the people who later went on to found the S.D.L.P. were at the very heart of the Civil Rights movement, with Austin Currie instigating a sit-in at a council house in Dungannon, which had been allocated to a single Protestant woman, instead of to more needy people. Completely erroneous to say that people like Currie, Fitt, Hume, Cooper etc, did “very little” on these issues.
Willie D
I think you have reinforced my comment of 23rd above.You will have noticed that the early founders of the S D L P are unlikely to receive many compliments on this blogspot .The heroes ,as always are those “noble souls” of Sinn Fein who are above criticism !!
See my reply to Willie. ANever have I stated that SF are above criticism, I am just not ready to canonize SDLP members. No party is above reproach, a lesson that the unionists do not want to swallow
Point taken and very true, I guess what I was trying to say was that they lost their way after a while. The housing sit in Caledon, was a great first step and yes they were there at the beginning of the civil right effort. I think some of the SDLP stalwarts began to be oversympathetic to the state. Mallon and CUrrie come to mind in particular in that respect. Too much effort blaming republicans and not enough blaming the state.
Paul
Should it not be the case that no political party is above criticism ?If any party is being canonised on this blog site ,it is Sinn Fein!
I know what you mean, Argenta, and sympathise. It’s so disappointing when you come on a group of people who aren’t prepared to join you and the general throng in kicking the Shinners. I can only suggest you pray for our conversion.
I stated “no party” is above criticism and reproach including SF. Unlike many, I am not willing to blame them for everything. I continue to hope for an inclusive Ireland of equality. IMO during the worst of the crisis, many Unionists held their nose and tolerated the SDLP as they were a step above those republican types.
All the talk among unionists about “normal politics” with an opposition and where “parties can come together with an agreed programme volountarily ” is really code for forming a government with the “nice roman catholics” of the SDLP and consigning the”uppity fenians” to permanent opposition.
Just on the commissioner, I see a FF Senator has accused the office of being in “denial” regarding fuel laundering.
Is this not a serious accusation to make ? One for which the Senator should be held to account ? Had SF issued a statement calling into question the guards, you can be sure Mr Martin would be screaming from the rooftops…I await to see what action he takes against his Senator.
I see the FF Senator was like the old Vauxhall Senator, both rubbish when it came to fuel!
Jude
Who said anything about ” kicking the Shinners”? It seems that even the mildest suggestion that occasionly Sinn Fein may get things wrong is interpreted as an all out assault on Republican principles.Toleration of dissenting voices appears not to be very prevalent amongst many of your posters.At times,it seems like a Shinners love-in, but surely the quality of a blogspot is its ability to entertain contrary opinions.
Indeed, Argenta. Which is why voices like yours are heard – and are welcome. But scan the newspapers of Ireland and tell me that the Shinners aren’t given a kicking on every conceivable occasions. Not to mention on RTÉ.If you consider this site a “Shinners love-in” – which I’d say was insulting to the ability of people here to argue a case – that’s your entitlement. But logically you’d also have to tell us what the Belfast Telegraph, the Sindo, etc are.
I take your point regarding the Sindo which is indeed a special category .Would you also accept that your old paper(The Irish News) carries columns from Jim Gibney and Jarlath Kearney which are never critical of your party?My general point is that newspers should never be slavishly attached to any party and should be free to criticise the policies of all,when necessary.You are probably more knowledgeable about the demise of Daily Ireland than the rest of us, but was it not perceived as a Sinn Fein paper?
Argenta – I know the VO/IN has Gibney – didn’t know it had Jarlath Kearney.Is he a republican? I agree papers shouldn’t be slavishly attached to any party, which is not to say it shouldn’t have columnists representing different perspectives. DI was indeed a SF/republican paper during its (ah me) short life. Like An Phoblacht. I guess with the Irish media generally ranged against them, they figured an alternative (republican) perspective deserved a place. Despite my agreeing re ‘slavishly attached’ above, I have some sympathy with that. It’s a tricky one, really. Would you (I think I may have asked this before – have I?) consider doing a blog on it. I don’t mind you criticising my blogsite, providing it’s not just abuse, which I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t be. I do feel it needs further thinking – from me, anyway.