Oh God. It’s buttock-clenching time again. The one-eyed bear is back, bringing with him a galaxy of ‘stars’ who dress up and do undignified things and huzzah us all up to do equally stupid things but it’s OK because it’s in a Good Cause. I mean, what kind of monster would you be that wouldn’t open your wallet and your heart to Children In Need?
I’m all for looking after our children. Spent most of my life looking after them, at home and at work, one way and another. But in the remote hope that it might persuade ghastly dancing and singing and look-at-me-I’m-a-rich-celeb-but-my-heart-is-in-the-right-place self-publicists to quit, here are two proposals.
- Any celeb who comes on the telly lepping about and urging us to contribute to this Good Cause should be compelled to lead from the front. You’ll hear all sorts of figures tonight and tomorrow – this school raised this amount, we got soooo many donations, Andy Mickey from Toomebridge contributed £30, thank you, Andy Mick – and let’s not forget Amelia from Moneymore, who contributed £50! Well done, Amelia! Let’s see if we can’t beat last year’s total, folks! Alongside all that godawful claptrap, could each celeb start and finish by telling us how much they have donated? The airwaves are annually awash with sums donated, but never, as I recall, have we heard how much any of the TV Personalities have contributed. OK guys – pony up before you start haranguing the general public. Lead by example.
- Even better than 1 above: instead of all the wildly thigh-slappingly-screechingly-funny-on-screen cavorting, devote one night per year on the telly when ‘stars’ and ordinary people really put the squeeze on politicians and get them to have a special vote and donate some serious money to the health and welfare of children. That’s what our politicians are there for, isn’t it? So if children are really in need, start kicking on the door of those who should be lifting them out of need – politicians. A sustained campaign, where those in favour of voting for increased funding of the NHS as it applies to children are announced. That should do the trick. And where will the money come from? I’d start with taking a modest slice from the £100billion that’s due to go to the renewal of the Trident nuclear programme. Or are our politicians saying that weapons for the mass slaughter of the innocent are much more important than a bunch of needy kids? I’d say the political classes would cave in within a couple of hours of sustained, on-screen lobbying, naming and shaming. And we could come back next year and be so bold as to ask them for more. Ending the night with the construction of a pyre onto which we’d toss, a stake through his heart, that damned half-blind animal.
Hear hear Jude, my stomach starts to flutter, not with excitement, but dread, when this awful charade comes up each year. Where the hell does the money go? . Do the organisers ever publish their accounts publicly? It reminds me of geldof’s attempt at saving the world.
Just seen a report on the news, the royal family are to receive hundreds of millions of pounds to do up one of their palaces. Children In Need? I never watch it and I never contribute to it. Load of nonsense.
Aw, God help the royal family, who are down on their uppers, or is it up on their downers?
They’re only getting £350m to do up their house – just one of their houses, mind you.
Wouldn’t every other family in the country get a similar amount to repair their own house?
And how can you be loyal to the crown and begrudge them that couple of bob?
I’m sure the timing of the announcement (between poppy day begging and children in need begging) is pure coincidence, and not decided as a good day to bury bad news. Because it can’t be bad news when you are getting the opportunity to prove your loyalty.
And for those republicans who don’t feel so loyal, well cough up your taxes anyway, you’ve no choice but to support those millionaire beggars (no, I didn’t mean to spell that word with a ‘u’)!
I would go further and include all those who engage in group trotting from point A to point B on our roads and expect to be given money for completing such futile activity.
They should go and volunteer in a homeless shelter or nursing home for a few hours and actually do something worth sponsoring.
I am sure we all agree.
I would concur with that Gio. At last something we can agree on…….there’s light at the end of this tunnel yet!
wolfie
That does it.
First they elect Trump now you are agreeing with me on something.
The world has gone mad!
“The self-righteousness of the long distance runner”. I really think marathon running is a form of modern day penitence replacing the role of pilgrimages for those pre-disposed to self-loathing and zealotry.
The worst of all are the people who ask you to sponsor their parachute jump / bungy jump / ascent of Kilimanjiro. NO – I am not funding your leisure pursuits, thanks!
A couple of points…..
1/ The renewal of Trident has been variously priced at 180 Billion to 205 Billion of our Great British pounds with Smiley Liz on them. I suspect Jude has got his figure from the fella at Nutts Corner who knocks out the dodgy DVDs and cheap fags. Careful Jude, if your nuclear weapons don’t have a kitemark with a Union Jack on the side on them, they could be mistaken for Weapons of Mass Terror, rather than the benevolent ”Sausages of Peace” that we all know them to be.
2/ Please prepare yourselves for some mindless fawning and adulation for Liz’s favourite pet Irishman tonight. But bear in mind throughout, that Terry Wogan left an estate valued at 27 million Lizzie-tokens, and used to charge Children In Need 9k for one night of his altruism. Never has a man been more deserving of an OBE.
3/ And all the while, can we please remember that Children In Need give a large tranche of their money to the good old Orange Order. Because sectarian coat-trailing, myth-making, and general fuckwittery is precisely what children are in need of.
Enjoy your viewing…..
Yip, the BBC running a campaign for ‘children in need’ is ironic indeed, especially so when they created so many children in need……of counselling. ‘We will abuse them and then set up a ‘charity’ for them’ arnt we nice. Striking similarities to the poppy scam. Must be a cultural thing.
yea wolf,it would remind ya of the black babies collection scam in the 60s around the catholic schools.as you were saying agitating discontent helped educate the natives,now their trying to come home to roost.maybe brexit and mr trump will bring new ideas about aid staying at home.
Ah yes the ‘missionaries’. Now there’s another story.
Let’s take care of the NHS and our children with governmental coffers, you know things that will have an actual impact on the vast majority of us and then we can have a telethon for “Trident in Need”.
Strange how the government always find money to fund wars etc but when it comes to things like the NHS….sorry, can’t afford it.
Set up a direct debit to some of the Irish32 charities where 98% of the money goes in helping people and 2% in admin. Not the other way about. Let’s collect money for the homeless that the super powers of the world have made homeless. Let’s pay for medical care for the people that the super powers have butchered. Let’s provide clean water so that Africans don’t have to drink the effluent from the mines. Let’s give millions to India so they can develope their space programme. Something wrong somewhere.
millions in foreign aid is being sent out of the country every yr.why isnt the money needed for the uk kids not deducted before it goes anywhere.
Don`t forget the British helped destroy the middle east by dropping bombs, bombs kill people and they leave children in need. If they were to stop blowing the crap out of foreign people then maybe they wouldn`t have to send conscience money. Just saying like…..
Billy dear chap that ‘aid’ sent overseas is required to help fund worthwhile causes such as agitating social discontent in those countries and ensuring UK interests are maintained in foreign lands. Oh btw, now and again, the aid goes to fund ‘rebels’ fighting for ‘democracy’ in dictatorships. How do you think the ‘white helmets’ get their funding?
Jude, for “children in need”I think it would be a good idea for say, Nigel Dodds and Conor Murphy to have a pretend election husting, where they both argue the merits of the other side’s case for the preservation of the Union and a United Ireland. They would be tasked to go at it with vigour, which might highlight that but for an accident of birth (no pre-destination arguments please) we could all have been arguing the opposite position. It might suitably embarrass us all a little.
Freddie, I’m afraid that idea would turn out to be a damp squib, as DUP and SF are in total public agreement on everything, having signed a non-aggression pact!
That is a nice idea Freddie. Always good to walk a mile in the other man’s shoes.
I propose we do it here.
If, say, jessica and MT(or 2 other mugs,I mean volunteers) swop sides and debate sincerely for 24 hours, I will make a donation to Children in Need or indeed any charity of their choosing.
Who is in?
I would definitely watch THAT.
Why not have a ROYALS IN NEED as well? We could send lots of money to pay for their castles, send them on holidays, keep their unemployable sprogs in the lap of luxury, have them treated much like the little fat man in north Korea is, their every word seized upon as if it came from the lips of Saint Thomas Aquinas or Albert Einstein. Oh, we already do…….
Yeah, we could call it Children in Greed
After I read of the hundreds of millions from taxpayer money going into Buck House you can count me out from childer in need.