“Throw a union jack across a donkey’s back and they’d vote for it” –that used to be the charge against unionist candidates (and yes, of course, Virginia, ‘donkey’ needs to be changed to ‘grinning hyena’ in the case of Paul Givan). To be fair, all parties have their share of donkeys, and a tricolour has been known to drape over some too. But if an IQ test were run on DUP candidates in yesterday’s election, they’d probably produce some frighteningly low scores.
Just because you’ve got a trail behind you littered with scandals like the RHI, NAMA, Red Sky and God knows what else doesn’t suggest you’re particularly smart. Devious, maybe, but not smart.
What are the criteria for distinguishing a good candidate from a donkey? Well if they have a good track record, that helps. If they turn up at local council meetings, if they participate positively in debates, if they introduce or support motions for actions that might better the lives of the people in their constituency, regardless of who they voted for – those all suggest the councillor is earning that £14,000 + they’re paid.. If, however, they show the level of engagement and hard work qualities normally found in an over-ripe banana, you’ll know the flag got thrown over a hee-haw.
However, we mustn’t be too demanding. Councillors are human beings, or certainly most of them. Sometimes they do what they do because they’re tied to a political party. They must follow the party line or be cast out into political darkness.
In which case, the the award for winner of the party which smells most strongly of political poop must be the DUP. We’ve watched them reduce Stormont to rubble not once but twice – first with the RHI balls-up and then by walking away from an overly-generous settlement offered by the Shinners. They’ve also shown they can be bought on the big Westminster stage, but haven’t the wit to see that crowing about the price they fetched might actually be counter-productive. Particularly when their buyers are the Tories and when they’re voting for Brexit, something opposed by great swathes of their constituency. If those who normally vote for the DUP have continued to vote for that party in these local elections, they’ll have shown the union jack on a dumb donkey is OK with them, and that even a donkey given to kicking and biting is OK with them too.
But hey – I believe in political karma. What goes around comes around, and political sins do not remain unpunished. I also believe in moonbeams and lollipops and hobgoblins who live at the bottom of my garden.
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