PERSON 1: Holy shit, this is amazing!
PERSON 2: We could appeal, I suppose. Although these appeal panels are always stacked against the appealer.
PERSON 1: Never mind that now. He’s chosen Harris! Biden has announced that Harris will be his running mate!
PERSON 2: The poor child – she’s been upstairs crying her eyes out since the – What did you say?
PERSON 1: Biden has decided on his running mate and he’s selected Harris!
PERSON 2: Big deal.
PERSON 1: You bet it’s a big deal – can you imagine? Two seventy-eight-year-old white males on the same Democratic ticket! . I suppose they must just have rushed through citizenship for Harris.
PERSON 2: Don’t be ridiculous, Kamala Harris has always been a US citizen.
PERSON 1: What’s Kamala? Some sort of health supplement?
PERSON 2: For God’s sake – Kamala is the woman’s name. Kamala Harris. And they’re saying she’s black, although I don’t see much black about her. More a nice tan.
PERSON 1: Oh, that Harris! I thought you were talking about Eoghan Harris.
PERSON 2: The Shinner-basher in the Indo? You thought Eoghan bloody Harris was selected as vice-presidential running mate for Biden? That’s so stupid it’s almost funny.
PERSON 1: I heard ‘Harris’ and I assumed they’d got our man Eoghan as the perfect match with Biden. You have to admit – it would shake up politics in the US. Harris could tell them, somewhere in a bar after a hard day’s campaigning, about the strategies he used at RTÉ and the Sindo to repel the northern republicans, back in the day.
PERSON 2: Not the same thing as ‘northern Republicans’.
PERSON 1: Definitely not. Ah God – that’s a pity, in a way.
PERSON 2: What – that our daughter is crying her eyes out over her A Level results? I never liked that English teacher of hers from Day One. Shifty.
PERSON 1: No, that Eoghan Harris isn’t running in the US. He’d make a great street-fighter.
PERSON 2: True. Trump wouldn’t try any funny stuff like pacing around behind Eoghan during a TV debate.
PERSON 1: Not except he wanted a Cork fist in the gob.
PERSON 2: Which is unlikely.
PERSON 1: Right. But not as unlikely as Joe Biden and Eoghan Harris as a team. Two old, male,slightly bewildered has-beens.
PERSON 2: Oh come, come. OK, male, slightly bewildered, and a has-been in at least one case. But skip the ageism.
PERSON 1: Tired, then?
PERSON 2: That’d do.
PERSON 1: Clapped-out.
PERSON 2: Yup.
PERSON 1: Not so much the dream ticket…
PERSON 2: …As the nightmare ticket.
PERSON 1: Speaking of nightmares – what do you plan to do with our daughter?
PERSON 2: Maybe try for Politics in the Ulster University? I believe they’ve got, um, flexible standards.
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