Well. That was interesting. Not riveting. Not absorbing. But interesting. If we were to go by last night’s TV performance, things are looking very bad for unionism.
Let’s look at each contributor, starting at the top (or bottom, depending on how you see these things).
JEFFREY DONALDSON wasn’t himself at all – hasn’t been for some time now. His speech, usually as smooth as warm molasses, was hard-edged and jerky, and he looked like he knew he was butting his head against a brick wall. The fact that all the other leaders kept interrupting him, and the presenter kept asking him the source of his figures, didn’t help. I ended wanting to take him in my arms and murmur “There, there, little man. Don’t let them upset you. We know you’re right when you say the protocol if not removed will create a tidal wave off Donegal and sink the entire ‘British Isles’. Now close your eyes and everything will be better when you wake.”
DOUG BEATTIE was thoroughly himself, which is to say just a bit wild-eyed, spraying such statements as “There is no border poll” and “There will be no border poll”, like Fido decorating lamp-posts. As the only person in the room who has survived literally lethal moments, I would have thought he might have found last night wee buns, but somehow he didn’t. Some say people warm to Doug. So do I. But he still looks much of the time as if he’s going to rush off in five different directions at the same time, while shouting daft stuff over his shoulder.
NAOMI LONG is the leader of the Alliance Party, and since I commented on Naomi on an occasion several years ago and was met by a tsunami of criticism from all right-thinking people, I must watch what I say. The latest polls have Naomi’s party exactly level with the DUP. If her performance last night was to be reflected in the numbers voting Alliance tomorrow, the DUP would be left full fathom five below the surface and the Alliance would be the second-biggest party in the stateen. As I said several years ago (and no one seemed to notice), such is Naomi’s fluency and grasp of detail, others struggle to keep up with her.
COLUM EASTWOOD also has a considerable degree of verbal dexterity. SDLP leaders do have a capacity for minting neat and memorable phrases, and Colum is no exception. The problem is, it doesn’t seem to resonate with voters. Maybe it’s the fact that there’s a hint of Queen’s debating society to it, or maybe the electorate have decided the SDLP had its day in the sun with John Hume and these are just the smouldering embers. Colum also had the slightly grim look of a totally exhausted man.
MICHELLE O’NEILL put me in mind of Jack Grealish. Not because they resemble each other in hair-styles, but because Grealish, while highly skilled, manages to avoid the blood-and-thunder tackles and the painful impact when heads collide. Michelle provided the reassurance (for those only just noticing) that she’d been an Irish republican for sometime now and was intent on a united Ireland via a border poll. At the same time she made it clear that the economic pressures on ordinary people was the problem confronting politicians and everyone else, and that Jeffrey Donaldson’s refusal to form an Executive until the Protocol had been dumped was a hara-kiri stance. She also reminded viewers that she would be representing everyone in her post-election role (aka ‘I will be a First Minister for all the people’). No shouting matches, no gaffes, no stuck-for-words moments. And was it just luck that she was seated in the centre, with the other political leaders draped on either side of her? She did nothing to change the polls’ suggestion that she’s on her way to be First Minister and that, to quote Bobby Sands, nationalism is standing on the threshold of another trembling world. With Jeffrey doing most of the trembling.
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