What is Jeffrey Donaldson like? Well in a dream I had at the weekend he was a schoolboy, but somehow at the same time he was a soldier. It seems a bit crazy now but in the dream it made perfect sense. I remember Jeffrey had to go on tiptoe to ring my bell, and when I came out he told me that I was nothing but a keyboard warrior, whereas he was a real warrior and had been a member of the UDR. He was wearing a schoolboy cap and a khaki flak-jacket, as I recall.
But back in the non-dream daylight world, Jeffrey is certainly sounding nothing if not warlike. In so many words he’s telling and re-telling Boris Johnson: “ You get in there and remove that protocol barrier, because you know what? If you don’t, I’m going to make Stormont unworkable.”
Given that unilateral action on the protocol is what Jeffrey is calling for, and given that unilateral action in breach of a signed international agreement is breaking international law, I think we can say what Jeffrey Is like.
He’s like a man living in a small house who doesn’t like the design of a house just down the road. This unliked house, however, has been co-designed by the man living next door to Jeffrey and the man living in it just down the road. So Jeffrey keeps getting up on tiptoe and ringing the man next door’s bell, and then shouting through the letter-box slot: “Oi! You get down to that house and bash down the front door – no excuses! I want action, not words! I don’t care an Orange fiddler’s flute if it’s against the law to bash down a door you’ve co-designed. Get your fat rear-end down there and do it, or I’ll wreck my house and then you’ll be sorry!”
Normally, when someone incites someone else to break the law, keeps urging them to break it, they are law-breakers themselves and are punished accordingly. But in international law, Jeffrey doesn’t seem particularly bothered about remaining law-abiding. In fact, he’s putting the squeeze on Boris to break international law pronto. Not that Johnson usually needs much encouragement to commit to one thing and do the opposite.
Anyway, that’s the thing with having been a real-life warrior. Remember when all those Vietnam vets returned to the US? Many of them found it really, really hard to resume their role as law-abiding citizens. So make sure to remember poor little Jeffrey in the trimmings, when you say your rosary tonight.
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