Got your bunting out? And your hat? And flags? Good, good, good. I hear the weather in London is perfect – as it should be, given this is the platinum anniversary of the coronation of H M Queen Elizabeth. (Never mind asking ‘What is platinum’, Victoria. Platinum is beside the point.)
Other countries envy the UK, you know. They see the Queen on TV and they say “Wish we had one of those”…Well yes, they never do anything about it, you’re right. They could invent one if they wanted, but as you say they don’t.
What’s holding them back? Not sure, Virginia. Maybe it would have to do with setting up a civil list. What’s a civil list? It’s the name we give to the way the public pay for royal staff, catering, hospitality and ceremonial functions. Two years ago it cost £7.9 million. No, I’m afraid it can’t be cut back, even in times of austerity. It can be increased but it can’t be cut back. That’s the law.
The cost of royal trips and the maintenance of royal castles – that stuff is paid for by different government departments. And yes, government departments get their money from the public. Two years ago the monarchy, all in, was costing £183 million a year.
You’ll get nasty people who say that royalty is pointless, since they’ve no power. All that stuff about telling the prime minister to form a government and opening parliament and the Queen’s Speech – that’s all rubbish. She does what she’s told.
People say that having the Queen is great for tourism – all those people from abroad peering in the gates of Buckingham Palace. Mean-spirited people say that since tourists don’t see her, she might as well not exist – the Palace would still be there and the tourists would keep coming. I doubt it, Virginia…The Palace at Versailles? King Louis XIV used to live there a long time ago, didn’t he? But not now. Louis’s dead. France has no monarchy….Ten million people annually still visit the Palace of Versailles? Well, that’s the stupid French for you. I think tourism would fold if the Queen wasn’t in Buck House.
It’s unlikely you’ll be made a knight, Virginia, but if you are, after the bit where she puts the sword on your shoulder, you must remember to back out of the room – it is considered discourteous to turn your back on Her Majesty…No, I don’t think she might attack you. Of course not. It’d just be discourteous to Her Majesty.
There are carping, envious people who’ll say that In any democracy, you get a job and rewards on the basis of your ability, not on who was your mother and father. You think royalty contradicts this, Virginia? And that the heir to the throne may be fantastic or a total ape’s faeces, but s/he will still get the gig? That’s not a very nice thing to say, especially on the platinum anniversary. (I TOLD you – forget about what platinum is. We are talking about royalty here.)
The fact is, everybody – apart from you, Virginia – everybody loves the Queen, just as everybody loved her gin-drinking mum. Never mind that she’s a very expensive item, never mind that she encourages fawning and excessive unearned respect, and never mind that she got her job on the basis of who her parents were, not what qualities she brought to the job.
Never mind any of that. Three cheers for Her Majesty – Hip Hip, HOORAY!
How rich is the Queen? Um, fairly well off. In 2021 she was reckoned to be worth over £475 million.
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