My guilty pleasure this morning

I’ve just switched on my TV briefly to check on how the England Lionesses were doing against Haiti.  At that very moment, a penalty was being awarded to England for a Haitin hand-ball. As the England    player   got set to take the penalty, the English commentator said “She’ll put it to the goal-keeper’s right.Probably”. The commentator got it dead right – that’s where the ball was directed. But perhaps the Haiti goalkeeper heard the commentator because she dived to her right – and saved it. I am ashamed to say I gave a whoop of delight.

What is wrong with me anyway? The team representing the neighbouring island is playing,and I can’t find it in my heart to share their pain and – if any comes – their joy. English people are often bewildered by this facet of the Irish (and Scottish and even Welsh) character. “Why wouldn’t you cheer for England? If Ireland were playing a game, we’d cheer for you.”

Mmm. Well. Maybe. But I think the reason Irish people (and Scots – remember the time they dismantled the Wembley goalposts after beating England?)  – the reason they instinctively side with whoever is playing against England is the same reason we laugh at a movie when the big fat man slips on a banana-peel. England always seems so …big, so…patronising of other nationalities on these islands. They find us at best amusing (George Bernard Shaw said that the Irish tend to play the fool for the amusement of the English, and it’s unnervingly true: Terry Wogan, Jimmy Cricket, Graham Norton, Dave Allen, Frank Carson, Dylan Moran, Ardal O’Hanlon – it’s kind of frightening how many there are.)

So no, dear Lionesses, we will not be rooting for you. The Ireland team at the World Cup will no doubt go on losing, but that’s almost a side show. Square front and centre is England, encouraging lesser breeds without the law to engage in schadenfreude.

Yes, Virginia, childish and even sad. But that’s the response England tends to provoke.

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