There is something almost touching about the confidence with which Donald Trump assumes he can shop for a new leader of Iran the way one might browse kitchen tiles. Apparently, somewhere between golf rounds and late-night social media posts, the President has decided that selecting Iran’s next supreme leader is simply another executive function—like choosing the wallpaper for the Oval Office, only with more missiles.
Trump recently suggested that the United States—meaning, more specifically, him—“has to be involved” in choosing who leads Iran, and warned that any leader he disapproves of “won’t last long.” (South China Morning News.) It’s a striking geopolitical innovation: democracy by Yelp review. Five stars for compliance, one star for uranium enrichment.
Naturally, the people actually living in Iran appear not to have been consulted about this helpful service. Iranian officials have politely indicated that their leadership will be chosen by Iranians, which is the sort of narrow, old-fashioned thinking that really slows down international real estate development.
The whole thing raises an intriguing question. If a U.S. president can appoint leaders in other countries simply by announcing it, could the rest of the world reciprocate? Imagine the possibilities. Canada might nominate a calmer American president. Norway could suggest someone who reads briefing papers. Ireland might simply send a note saying: “We’ve had a think and decided you’re no longer in charge. Best wishes.”
Of course, international politics doesn’t actually work that way—though recent commentary occasionally gives the impression that it might. Governments rise and fall through constitutions, elections, revolutions, and occasionally coups, but rarely because a foreign leader frowned on television.
Still, the image persists: Trump seated at a giant global control panel, flipping switches labeled “Iran Leader,” “Venezuela Leader,” and perhaps “Weather.” Somewhere, a red button reads “World Peace—Press When Ready.”
One suspects the rest of the planet is quietly hoping someone hides the remote.
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