Europe, bulging veins and looking down noses

So now what do you think of Europe? Last night you had the chance to ingest loads and loads about Europe and what candidates will do for us if they get elected. There was Prime Time on RTÉ with Claire Byrne and David McCullagh, and on BBC NI we got Noel Thompson as ring-master for Spotlight Special. So between them all you’ve probably settled to your breakfast with a clear sense of the nature of the European Union, what it can do for us and what our representatives can do for Europe. In which case lucky you – I’m still adrift at sea somewhere between Rosslare and Cherbourg. 

Brian Hayes of Fine Gael seemed to do most of the talking on Prime Time. I say ‘seemed’ because I kept being distracted by Twitter, where people were being very rude and sometimes very funny about what was happening on the TV. All of the candidates got dismissive remarks but Hayes in particular. It seemed people felt he was talking down to them: “Anyone who knows anything about…”  – that kind of intro, especially when it’s joined by an informed smirk doesn’t win you too many friends. And of course Brian is part of the south’s government, which means there are a lot of voters out there whetting their pikes so they can plant them in his neatly-coiffeured skull on voting day. That’s because when people in the south think of Europe, they think of the Brussels big-boys coming to town and patting their heads, then being very firm that they’ll have to keep selling their children and their children’s children into servitude before they begin to see a chink of daylight.

Over on BBC NI things were simpler.  Each candidate got a minute to say why s/he should be sent to Europe. The tweeters were very rude about Martina Anderson’s fringe and how  Diane Dodds needed a script to say ‘“I’m Diane Dodds’. (Jim Allister’s ability to speak for a minute without notes won a lot of Twitter plaudits.)

For much of the programme the candidates didn’t bother to talk about Europe. Jim Allister said things like ‘There is only one convicted bomber on this panel!” which drew a few shout of “Ye hoo!” and the loudest applause of the night. Bishop Noel Trainor’s letter stating Catholic/Christian fundamentals to consider when voting got some attention, with Jim Allister telling Martina Anderson her party had voted in Europe for abortion and Martina insisting no, they were actually agin abortion except in cases where the mother’s life is at risk. Mmm. Somebody there telling porkie pies. Meanwhile Alex Attwood was telling anyone who’d listen about the Catholic faith which he and his wife and children shared with Bishop Trainor , although he didn’t agree with the bishop on everything. (No, Virginia, that was yet another bit I didn’t understand). There was some enlightenment about immigration –  Jim Allister got all vein-bulging about the need for “our nation” to be able to protect its borders from invading hordes, while  Anna Lo and others argued sensibly that the balance of those coming in and those from here going out ultimately resulted in a a big plus for us.

The central thing to remember when watching these programmes relates to the point I made the other day about contributors to this blogsite (and yes, myself included) : virtually null points for listening and exploring, douze points for taking pot-shots at anything your opponents said. Although maybe a football game would make a better analogy: most candidates just wanted to make sure they didn’t score an own goal.

Maybe it was because they kept coming back to the old familiar bombers ’n’ bigots routine that i found the Spotlight Special  the least bewildering of the two. Drawing down debt, the commissariat, the troika, bond-holders returning to the market: it’s all  Greek to me. And you know what a mess Greece is in.

Finally, here’s my prediction for the Euros. Martina Anderson to top the poll here, followed by Diane Dodds and….Mmm. That’s the tricky one. Big Jim Nicholson sounded and looked like a throwback to decades ago, plus the Ulster Unionists have been bleeding from some awful wounds since he was last elected. Still, Alex Attwood,MEP – that just doesn’t sound right. And the south looks like three Shinners get elected. When the VO carries a headline ‘Sinn Féin set  for huge gains in Euro election’, you can be pretty sure Sinn Féin are set to make huge gains in the Euro election. And in southern local councils? They’re tipped to double their number.

I can hear the rending of garments and tearing of hair already.