Some shocking facts coming out about child abuse. Rotherham, Nazareth Lodge, Saville, Rolf Harris, claims about Dave Lee Travis, Cliff Richard – on and on it goes, a grotesque parade. it seems that, after all, the word coming after ‘paedophile’ doesn’t have to be ‘priest’.
But what about at the other end – what about those who are old? There once was a tradition in Ireland of having an aged relative as part of the household. They became more and more dependent, particularly on the woman of the house; but that was OK, they might be occasionally crabby but they were kith an kin, your own flesh and blood.
And now? Well now Western society treats old people the way native people in the United States are treated – we put them on a reservation. Out of sight in a ‘home’, in case we’d be reminded that one day (if we’re lucky) we’ll wind up like them. Besides, with the man and the woman of the house working, any question of looking after them at home is out of the question. And some of these retirement homes are really lovely, aren’t they? I mean, everything anyone could want.
Some maybe, but not all. And even if the oldies are at home with their family, it’s not all roses. In the south last year the number of incidents of elder abuse is down from the previous year. All of one per cent. On the other hand the overall figure is up 30% from 2008. In total, 2013 had almost 2,500 cases of elder abuse reported. Women were twice as likely to be abused as were men. And here’s the shocker : most alleged abuse is perpetrated by a family member, usually a son or daughter. The old, it seems, are safe nowhere. Frank Murphy, chairman of the National Elder Abuse steering committee: “Abuse can take place in any context; it may occur when an older person lives alone or with a relative, it may occur within residential or daycare settings, in hospitals, home-support services and other places assumed to be safe, or in public places.”
Let’s be blunt: old people, from time to time, can be a pain in the ass. But then children and even babies, from time to time, can be a pain in the ass. Come to that, so can just about everybody. But children and oldies share one quality: they’re too weak to fight back. If the quality of a society is judged by how it treats the most vulnerable, and if the twenty-six counties is representative of the country as a whole, then God help the vulnerable. Because let”s face it, in many cases even our own flesh and bone won’t. King Lear lives.
I fully agree in the end it is our responsibility to look after the ones who nourished and looked after us anything else is shameless
It’s a difficult one Jude. A lot depends on circumstances. Years ago …way back… family members stayed close to the family home so it was possible to care for the elderly and stay close . Many families…sons and daughters…. are now spread throughout the world so the distances are much greater. The logistics are crazy. There’s also the fact that in most circumstances, both the husband and wife spend their lives working outside the home and juggling family commitments and their lives are much more frenetic and stressed than in previous generations.
A lot depends on individual family circumstances .My own father spend the last several years in a care home because he developed dementia and it was not safe for him to live unsupervised. That meant not letting him near the cooker as he thought he could still cook several meals a day and remember to turn off the electric. I would visit him every day before that happened and he managed on his own for twenty years since my mother died . He wanted his independence but also enjoyed a little company . He liked to go for a pint.It’s a bit of a juggling match. Something similar happened with my wife’s mother . We were talking about a granny flat being built so that she would be closer but she opted for buying her own little house across town.Doubtless she would still be alive except that she was tragically killed in a motoring accident while abroad on holiday. My father was ninety three when he died . My mother in law was in her late seventies but was already having mobility problems. …wheelchairs and all that….
There is a problem in care homes and it is specifically that the least money possible is spent on staffing these places.They are run simply as a “business”… It is an incredibly important job to give your parents into the care of strangers but it is not deemed important enough to pay those doing the job anything other than a basic wage .I dare say you would be paid more for looking after the care of a good horse.There have been plenty of instances in the press in the past few years about staff abusing the inmates of some of these homes. That’s not really surprising when they seem to employ the calibre of person who might otherwise be out robbing supermarkets or running white slavery ….Okay , I’m exaggerating heer but it is apparent that the job is deemed so undemanding that the payment is also derisory.if it is such an important job , properly trained and educated people should be employed to do it ..They are not and there appears to be a very low criteria expected.
My own father was treated very well but that doesn’t appear to be the case in many other circumstances . I was always on hand on a daily basis to keep a closer eye on things than some family member who might otherwise live at the other side of the world.
Old people share the same habits as babies but without the `cute` factor. It is a vocation to look after the elderly, not everyone`s cup of tea. You are quite correct Jude, in `olden days` grandparents would live with their extended family. Nowadays it is not the case, a lot of them are shipped off to an Old Folk`s Home. As for abuse, nothing would surprise me.
Jude,
The cruelty our institutions inflicted on children leaves me speechless…
I lived in GB for many years and witnessed that for the most part the Asian community still care for their elders at home, something that is much less common these days among we Europeans.
Anyway, watch-out Son number 2 doesn’t start making inquires about residential care for his ole Da :-Q
As far as I can see , the middle class are more likely to put their parents in a home as they do not want any disruption to their lifestyles.Similarily the middle class are less inclined to “wake” their dead relatives ,opting for “house private” or the even worse option of the funeral parlour.
Jude,
This is a subject I find very upsetting. My own Mother was a patient in Elliot Dynes, she was recovering from heart surgery. Two men, stripped and washed my Mother, to make matters worse, they spoke broken English, they said it was their custom in Manilla, to do this! So I won’t make AG blush, but I can tell you it never happened again. My Father died in 2002, they nearly made the golden wedding anniversary, and in all that time nobody seen my Mother naked. (Except my Father)
I was lucky I was able to bring her home and look after her, right up to the end. Skpe was a great comfort to my brother in South Africa he could see and talk with her every day.
I love old people, i love listening to their stories, and I think they we don’t do enough for them.
Norma
AGAIN, NOT ME BUT SHERDY…
A very thought-provoking blog today, which got me thinking.
Has any research been done into the incidences where a son or daughter abuse their elderly parent as to how those parents brought up their children.
Were they caring, loving parents, or were they abusive to their sons and daughters, liberally administering corporal punishment?
I know it is possible for the children to then behave like their parents did, but also for the children to determine never to be abusive as they so resented the experience.