As David Cameron travels north to Scotland today, to tell the people there how desperately he wants them to stay in the union with Britain, I wonder will his thoughts stray to the north-east corner of Ireland known as Northern Ireland. If they do, he will surely collapse back on his plush seat and groan quietly.
He’s venturing into Scotland not along with but on the same day as and with the same purpose as the leaders of the Labour Party and the Lib Dems. Their mission: to go down on their knees to the Scottish people and beg them – I do believe Cameron has already used that word – to stay in the Union. If they leave it will be a disaster for both countries.
And our own dear statelet? If he thinks of it he’ll be struck by the fact that he’d be gladly be shot of our dreary steeples and our constant requests for yet another meeting. He knows that he’d boot us out of the union if he only could, unionists here know that, so do nationalists and republicans.
It’s like a man with two girl-friends. One he’s nuts about, wants her to stay living with him, has promised her a bigger house, more of his pay packet, more say over where they holiday, what kind of car they’ll buy, and yes, a really nice new kitchen unit and a refreshed living room would make sense, dear, certainly dear, anything else you’d like? Oh do stay, pleasepleaseplease.
The other girl-friend: she’s a pain in the buttocks. She keeps phoning him with her problems. She sometimes comes round to the house and bangs on the front door, embarrassing him. He’s never had the courage to tell her to her face that she should take a long walk and not come back, find herself another man – but he knows that she knows that’s the case. So the woman he desperately needs and loves has her bags packed and is sitting in the hall waiting for a taxi; the woman he can’t stand is rapping at the window and shouting she isn’t going to leave, never never never never, not for nothing, not an inch.
He may be a sleekit git, Cameron, but it’s hard not to feel a little sorry for him, caught in the jaws of this terrible irony. So good luck in Scotland today, David. And don’t forget to bring flowers…Oh. On second thoughts, maybe skip the flowers. It could start a defiant chorus of ‘Flower of Scotland’.
Footnote: have you observed the way Cameron and the others, when they talk about the impact of Scotland’s leaving the union, they talk about its effects on England and Wales – but not our little corner of the UK? Interesting, that.
Jude
Have not read your blog, I am in the shower listening to Jeffrey Donaldson talking to Nolan. I am seriously depressed I feel at this moment in time disgusted! They are a load of rubbish the DUP. Moaning crying begrudgingly old A oles.
Norma
Jude
If only he could arrange a swap!
i hope they send Cameron “homeward tae think again” !
Intelligent and knowledgeable piece of writing Jude. So knowledgeable about the two girlfriend scenario one would swear you were/are that soldier. Any tittle tattle for the masses Jude? Slan a chara agus lean ar aghaidh leis na bloganna. Bainim sult go mhor astu.
Go raibh maith agat, Peadar. (That soldier – moi??)
How well you’ve summed up Cameron’s dilemma. Love it.
Thank you, Mary
Sums up the Unionists perfectly Jude, their constant attention seeking (note Peter`s latest boring warning, incidentally I presume he has given up on his promise to quit?) their inability to accept the point of view of half the population of the little corner of Ireland they call `northern Ireland. Here`s a thought, do you think it in any way possible the English would consider partitioning Scotland if the vote goes against them? Surely not.
Regarding Scotland the Brave, Jaw-ja has been much on one’s mind from Sunday last. From the jaws of a draw in Tblisi the ROI under Roy and Martie plucked a win in the last min, courtesy of Wee Aidan McGeady.
He was the Jock in the Box who nailed down both the Roirish victory and the cardboard coffin of the home team’s hopes. How Uncle Joe must have snorted through his Molotov mustache in the grave.
Which brings the imminent Referendum in Scotland as much to the fore as the upcoming (effin’) Refs in the forthcoming ROI games against Scotland.
It has left old Perkie in a bit of a pickle if the truth were known. Not least because Martin O’Neill,, OBE formerly of Padraig Pearse’s GAA Club from Kilrea in County Londonderry has ruled the malign mixing of sport and politics out, as in OUT ! OUT !! OUT !!!
Way to go, wee MON.
in the Leprechaun:: NIL ! NILL !! NIL !!!
(Note the absence of a FADA there, for the rule under which The Wee MON himself qualifies is the Granny Rule, never, ever referred to as The Grandpoppy’s rule).
Now, ever since FIFA ordained that any soccer oops football player whose ancestors, just stopping short of Neaderthal Days, hailed from Country, say, A for Albania to Country Z for Zanzibar via Country R for Republic of Ireland could declare for same, there has been a huge Cead Mile Failte on the mat for those who scrambled baldheaded to play for ROI and now, the hirsute Roy (not forgetting the cleanshaven Wee MON, OBE).
Those mischievous malcontents, who seemingly are always with us, have been heard since then to keepy uppie their cynical chant of : ‘FIFA, FIFA fie fo-fum, I smell the scents of Pounds, Shillings and Pence’, but PW is not one of them.
For Perkie knows full well that The Bootyiful Game just does not look work like that.
No matter how often they like to sneer, jeer and leer that the reason why RAM (Roy and Martie) chose to graze on the scrub land occupied by Team Trapatoni which had reached the giddy goat heights of Numero 70 in the FIFA rankings is because of the – nose-holding time for the pure of heart Perkie – limitless Dosh on offer from the team’s sponsors ‘Bord Gosh !’ their warped contention remains the same.
So much….tosh.
The reason, so obvious it requires re-iteration, apart from the financial fact that ‘Bord Gosh! deals in Euros, is that both Roy and Martie simulataneously and at the same time thought it was time to Put Back rather than Take Out.
They both wanted to put the Pat back into Patriotism.
Just as Wee Aidan McGeady did when he spurned the Geansai Gorm/Blue Gansey for the Geansai Glas/Green Gansey.
Butt, butt, butt as in the butt of a Sweet Afton cigarette (or, a Sweet Afton fag, not to discriminate against any Gay Gordons who may be numbered among the Discerning Readership) Perkie is given cause to bide a wee and think matters over.
Even as he drags the last wee puffs from his Sweet Afton butt, much in the mode of Wee Aidan McGeady’s drag-back kick on the Kirk-day of Sunday last which found the net and resulted in a net loss for Jaw-Ja.
Like many a Wee Mon of Scottish birth, girth and Irish kith before him Wee McKeady plumped for the Green Option (oops, one almost wrote the Greenback Option) rather than the Blue as Lough Ness Option on the basis that Scotland the Brave was under the Saxon Yoke. And in truth, there have been some odd yokes in residence in the Number 10 gansey of Downing Street of late and yore alike..
Now should Bonny S opt for the ‘och, aye’ option on September 18 Wee Aidan will be faced with the option of bending to pluck either the Shamrock or the Thistle.
Perkie, for one, does not envy his dilemma or any of the other Emmas who are forced to declare for either one of the other Ladies, not to mention Laddies’ Footie Team.
And, so, when the Prosaic Perkie is confronted with a puzzle of a Rubik Cube’s proportion he does what his inner poet tends to do when considering the other Bootyful Game, his first touch is to kick to touch. Which is code for ‘terse verse’. An option for which Esteemed Blogmeister must share at least most of the b.
‘Wee A McGeady is not the first Scot
With needy Paddy to throw in his lot
Let Erin Remember
Another Hon Member
Or twa from the banks of Wee Forget-me-Not.
Take Hootsmon Ray: who can ever forget
The time his Scot shot found the Eyetie net?
Not a Scots nat
But a patriotic Pat
While Wee Gary McKay is still talked off yet’.
Is there a Doctor of Literature loose aboot the hoose?
Alex Salmond talked about the breadth and reach of the Yes campaign in Scotland today. He clearly hasn’t read your comments, Perkin, or he’d realise what breadth and reach REALLY mean…
Hi Jude
They do seem to be worried, don’t they? Cameron finally panics but I doubt that the Scots have any great love for him or the Tories. This vote will break down to fear and money . The usual human mundanities. Of course Cameron will promise everything ..as you do before any election ….but after the event all bets will be off ..or the mandarins of Whitehall will minimise and fudge on anything that was promised in the heat of battle.Look at the promises that were made in the Good Friday/St Andrews Agreements. Twenty years on we haven’t exactly moved on anywhere. They were supposed to act as brokers but they haven’t really pointed out to Unionists that Nationalists have been doing all the Hands across the barricades moves and they haven’t reciprocated in any way.We’re not exactly taking a good look at how it got to the chaos that needed an agreement to get itself sorted out.No, unionists still haven’t got the picture that it’s a normal thing to have an aspiration that is different from their own…
The Scots are split on whether or not some might want a union or not . That’s surely a normal aspiration?
Certainly , if Scotland votes Yes , Sinn fein will look as though they’ve got the game right…. on their stance with the Tories on health care. They would never be natural tory bedfellows on anything but the DUP would always be .It’s just that the Tories only have their own narrow best interests at heart. Tory is always looking out for privileged number one. All else is only stage dressing anyway.
paddy – did you notice the symbolism and myth-making?
news of a Royal Baby and 3 (wise?) men travel northwards, following yonder star of the Union!
Poor old unionists they get a hard old time of it however i think Northern Nationalists and Republicans if we are to fully follow Judes example are very much like a mistress and the ROI is their partner now the ROI does a lot of puffing and promising that he will come for her when the time is right however he never quite finds the right time…
I think there’s some truth in what you say, Neill (Thinks: this kind of talk will have to stop…)However, you may have noticed that SF has inserted itself as a fairly substantial part of the ROI political scene, which may change things a little. Ultimately, of course, what Ireland requires from the coming together of north and south is a new-born, sturdy country that’ll grow into something we all can be proud to pass to the next generation.
Jude you are beginning to see the light….
Joking aside what can SF do about the border until it becomes the dominant partner and even if it does it will face the same issues that faced De valera and FF easy to aspire to unity impossible to achieve it.
I think I was just making the point that SF as a major player in the south is unlikely to continue the traditional neglect/sham attention of past southern governments. As to affecting change: the GFA allows for a referendum n and s, as you know. Clearly a lot of people in the south now think differently about SF and its policies than they did say ten years ago. And in the north, the demographics are pretty clear, and clinging to ‘They ticked Northern Irish in the census’ is a teensy bit risible.
If there was a referendum tomorrow there would be a clear victory for the status quo.I think we have seen enough of SF in the North to be to seriously worried about them in the south it will be interesting to see if they get into power how they have to deal with taking some real responsibilty and taking decisions which are not popular
Neill – if you aren’t prepared to concede that Sinn Féin has repeatedly reached out for reconciliation with unionists, you’re just not paying attention. Unfortunately, unionist politicians see themselves as morally superior to the point where they won’t pass the time of day, let alone respond in the slightest way. Why would you be worried about reconciliation? Seriously. I’m not trying to score points or argue – I’m tired of that. I’d just like people to start dealing with the facts of the situation here. And I’m near despair in terms of unionist willingness to engage. Which will ultimately be self-harming. Karma and all that.
Jude I wasn’t talking about reconciliation with unionists the point I was making is that SF have control over ministries in Northern Ireland and in fairness have not achieved a great deal if SF get into government in the south it will be even more difficult as they will have to implement spending cuts the media and the opposition parties will scent blood and throw back in SF face that they were supposed to be the anti austerity party added to this government is hard work and many aspirations are put on the backburner
Tom Devine handing Ruth Dudley Edwards a thumping on Radio Ulster just now over Scottish referendum.
You can hear it here – http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b04gcjxp – 33′ 50″ approx into the programme…
If you’ve read a few of her tweets when she’s debating, the amount of times she’s said “I didn’t know that” or so is unbelievable, she exists to slabber about SF (exactly the same as Eilis O’Hanlon), and as soon as she changed the record she got put down lol
Ruth got the verbal thrashing of her life from Devine and boy did I enioy it.She’s used to getting an easy ride from a fawning BBC journalist but when thrown into a fair debate with an able opponent she was shown up big time.
The political forces of British Unionism, Labour, Liberal, BBC and Tory are throwing everything at Scottish voters.
I’ll take 40% upwards at this point.
The biggest unionists of all.
Yep the good old British Labour Party.
Talk about scare tactics.
Still, the fact that working class areas are showing 60%+ for a YES vote gives us hope.
Scottish historian Tom Ervine was rightly very annoyed at an Irish Unionist buffoon – RE Edwards – talking nonsense about his country.
However, he should know that RE Edwards has not even got the first clue about her own country.
I disagree, North Munsterman. It was RD Edwards who talked nonsense and hasn’t a clue, not RE Edwards…:)
Thanks for the correction Jude – glad to see you agreed with my main points though :-).
I hope for Scotland’s sake that the British unionists will respect democracy if they lose in Scotland – unlike in Ireland a century ago when unionists rejected the democratic wishes of the people in Ireland – thus resulting in the totally dysfunctional FUBAR statelet that is the North today.
Sorry what statelet is that North Munsterman?
“neill”
The one that was created in the north-east corner of Ireland by unionists who rejected the democratic wishes of the people of Ireland in 1918.
So what?
If we look at what sort of state the south turned into they were quite correct to follow this course of action wouldn’t you agree?
“neill”
1. “So what” ?
Well, if you reject the democratic wishes of the majority, you end up with a FUBAR, which is exactly what the North is.
2. “If we look at what sort of state the south turned into they were quite correct to follow this course of action wouldn’t you agree ? “- neill
No, I would not – nor would “The Economist” :
http://www.economist.com/media/pdf/QUALITY_OF_LIFE.pdf
From 1922-90 what unionist would have liked living in the south?