THE FEAR OF REAL  BRITISHNESS by Harry McAvinchey

Sammy Wilson…..thinks the the Equality Commission is anti -unionist . He thinks it is a Republican Plot to undo the union.There you have it .He said it loud and clear. As far as he is concerned it’s another of these left-leaning groups that are against everything that unionism holds dear . Global warning? That’s an anti -unionist plot  run by those Green Hippies in Greenpeace .I don’t think Sammy believes that the ice caps are melting either and that it’s mostly a man -made affair. As far as Sammy is concerned , David Attenborough and his fuzzy seal- loving , polar bear groupies can take a running jump. Didn’t Attenborough run the BBC and promote all that evolution stuff and didn’t that luvvie brother of his make that  anti-war film  “Oh What a Lovely War ” and the  other one about that rebel “Gandhi”? Bloody rebels to a man!!! Hardly properly British at all!

The Parades Commission ? That’s another of those Reds under the Beds, Bunch of Commies out to do us down too ….Pussy Riot ? That’s another gang  of crazy  punk feminists   trying to tear down everything we hold dear.Putin was right to lock those harlots up. Next thing you know they’ll be squealing for birth control and equal pay. .Hitler had a thing about the Jews, but wasn’t the bugger a vegetarian? Vegans ! That lot need to be  watched too .The next thing you know they’ll be demonstrating outside every butcher’s shop in the land…. .The Ku Klux Klan had a thing about black people, Jews and Catholics too, but maybe they had a point?The BBC  are all  against us too .Isn’t  that place full of homosexuals, anyway? Look at all those TV presenters and gay comedians .Everywhere you look they are fronting some talk show. Have I missed anything, Sammy?

There’s talk now of a “conscience  clause ” to be inserted into Human Rights legislation in Norneverland . I would imagine Sammy would be in favour of that kind of wriggle room for unionism too. It would mean he could treat the gay community and possibly the Muslims with disdain, and get away with it .His party colleagues don’t mind a little easy racism by all accounts.A clause might allow everyone to racially insult each other with equanimity.

There’s a myth going about that unionism as a god -grooving lover of all things British,is under attack from all sides  by the darkest forces of change. Sammy likes to stoke that kind of fear .It keeps the followers huddled in the dark ….alone together ….backs to the wall. In Sammy’s worldview , change is a bad thing.He was happier when everything was nice , neat and simple.Us and Them made for simple politics, didn’t it?

The strange thing is that the Britishness that Sammy says he loves is all of those things he doesn’t  really like.Modern Britain is diverse , multi-cultured and open-minded for the most part.Sammy’s brand of British unionism is, sadly, not.

Equality for all. That is the thing that Sammy doesn’t like . You can’t be top dog in the kennel if everyone can bark equally.

Gerry Adams has the idea that equality will be the thing that destroys unionism’s “real” sense of itself.He called it a “Trogan Horse”. I see where he is going with that ; the idea of sneaking equal rights into a situation where they are otherwise not wanted is what he was getting at , I imagine, and not some computer virus or big Wooden Horse full of sneaky warriors ready to cause destruction and revolutionary  havoc.He might have a point right there.Let’s face it .If we are all on an equal playing field with equal rights right across the board , there would be no room for divisive political forms with inbuilt belief systems that create levels of  superiority.If we were all protected by the same laws there would be nothing left to think about or argue about but bread and butter issues in politics.If we all have  the same rights as everyone in the rest of the UK, there’d be no arguing about flying flags every day or marching where we weren’t allowed . Women could do what women do throughout the rest of the UK and not be censured or intimidated in the streets for it or be forced to fly to the UK to terminate their unwanted pregnancies.Bakers would bake whatever the lawful public wanted with the assurance that everyone’s beliefs were equally respected as long as laws weren’t being broken in the process.There’d be no more talk about it .Whatever you believed inside your head would be your own business , alone…and you’d keep your crazy ideas to yourself..

So there you have it, the British way of life that you’d find in those  wonderful old  Ealing comedy films of the 1950s where good sense, character  and humour were the appeal and not some chauvinistic  conservatism. An equality agenda like that could be the death of rigid  unionism but on the other hand , it might make a “true britishness” like that which is the current reality in the UK, at the moment , more attractive and appealing  to a lot more people who see a future not simply in terms  of narrow conservative  unionism nor narrow  conservative nationalistic ideals, either.  I have no problem letting that cat out of the bag but there are many  on both sides of the Norneverland divide who might be surprised at the unexpected  result.