Well …it’s been a good news week for someone , anyway.Willie Frazer, the shy , bespectacled sensationalist and all -round street-entertainer has discovered that he is no longer in thrall to the ravages of a rare cancer. He says that he has been especially picked out for this rare new treatment, completely outside any known remit of the current Health Service.
Wilko Johnston , ex-guitarist of the rhythm and blues band Doctor Feelgood had similar good luck. Wilko of the stuttering, choppy, Telecaster guitar heroics, was pronounced to be similarly living on borrowed time some months ago and had resigned himself to imminent death, but was reprieved by a surgeon who managed to remove a cancerous growth as large as a fully formed baby from his abdomen . Wilko declared that it actually didn’t hurt much but it was beginning to bulge out and was starting to get in the way of his guitar playing. He had resigned himself to death and now life is all the sweeter because of his miraculous reprieve.He hopes to resume playing full-time soon.
Willie’s story is every bit as interesting . In a week when our own Health Minister, the DUP’s Jim Wells, was mixing up his “cirrhosis” with his “psoriasis”, live on local radio, apparently a cancerous tumour in his bowel disappeared entirely due to the special intervention of a cosmic deity somewhere out there in space and time.This alien creature, by some unknown interaction, has been keeping a particular, watchful eye on Willie and was possibly only testing his resolve by giving him cancer in the first place. In a fit of geniality and back-handed, impish generosity , he then decided to take it away because he wanted Willie to stay around for another while. I suppose we would all be grateful for having a special friend like that….or maybe he didn’t just want to see Willie up- close for a while….. just yet.Willie declared relievedly that “the hand of god has taken my cancer”. I wonder what the other hand will do with the ebola plague. Willie might have a word to say about that if he wasn’t too busy planning to take a trip down Dublin- way, to demonstrate, sometime soon.A “special” relationship like that might be handy when it comes to avoiding war and conflict…..Or maybe not.
Coming soon , our own Special Friends the British Prime Minister ,the Republic of Ireland’s An Taoiseach and another Friendly American, Senator Gary Hart, are to gather with our very own First Minister and Deputy First Minister to reassure us all that we actually have a local government capable of doing something constructive.It’s their, now annual, Christmas present to us all.
Meanwhile , as an aside ,it has emerged that a proposal to save taxpayers some money by making peers and MPs share a catering department has been rejected “because the Lords feared that the quality of champagne would not be as good if they chose a joint service”.
All this at a time when poverty is on the lips of everyone and food banks and starvation are being talked about in the UK. .
The House of Lords has a £1.3m annual catering budget and has bought in more than 17,000 bottles of champagne since the coalition government took office. Out of that ,each peer of the realm can have just over five bottles each year, at a cost of £265,770. The House of Lords, currently has 780 peers and 380 bottles of champagne in stock, worth £5,713.
It’s at times like this that Willie should have a whispered word with his own Special Friend about sorting all this poverty out.
Wondered where the word “peer” came from.
Mind you, I’m sure tough beer has the same effect as champagne.
But that might ale them too.
“Coming soon , our own Special Friends . . .”
Who’s going to play santa this year?
Uncle Dave, Uncle Enda or Grandpaw Hart?
https://eurofree3.wordpress.com/2014/12/06/christmas-gift-round-up-for-all-true-shinners/
The A-list announcement that Willie F will be heading south once again down Wexico way with his Love Ulcer Campaign in the New Year of 5776 has ended months of speculation on Liffeyside of ‘Willie, Won’t he?’.
The battle lines have already been drawn in Donnybrook,Dublin 4.
None more fiercely than in RTE where the jostling is at its most intense. Specifically on the Wheelbarrowers Q between the rubble-brained, stubble-chinned Desperate Dan and D’Arse. Or, as Jane’s Defence Weekly so calamitously puts it: Bren Gun versus Ray-gun.
To see which of them can nab Smoking Willie Frazer in the Azure Blue Corner for his show. Chin Feiner in Chief aka Brendan O’Connor and Ray, RTE’s Returned Prodigal Pet Petomane are both somewhat keen to go mouth to mouth with the wee Orange Free Stater.
No holds will be barred, according to the rumour mill of the media at the moment to land the Big One. Tongues have already begun, in unison with the tails of the calebs on the street, to wag. Operation SF as it is coming to be called (SF for, erm, Special Friend) has even given rise to whispers of weird and wondrous strokes never attempted before, even on RTE.
Involving, (gulp), upturned chairs, dangling nooses, bulging eyes, swollen tongues, forty shades of facial purple and – oranges in the gob. What Perkie’s inner medical terminologist refers to, as: Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation, be gob. That last orange-tasting item is borrowed, like most other things in the Wheelbarrowers of West Britvics , from the sick joke shop of obscure Backbench Tory MPs.
Needless to say, the U-word in the Love Ulcer Campaign refers to the most painful of all ulcers, the mouth ulcer. And not only painful, but incurable. Though where Willie F is concerned, Lourdes is scarcely an option. Even less so for the Wheelbarrowers.
The condition was first diagnosed around the time of the abortive Boundary Commission in the Twennies when folk first began to stop mouthing about Ulster as a synonym for the Nine County Entity. And known as Eb-Uladh in the leprechaun.
Ulcer is what the mouthers off of a Six County Ulster get afflicted with.
Paddy Power has already opened a book to see which of the Wheelbarrowers will end up with the Big Gig though the front runner at this mo in t. is D’Arse.
Now, the reason the Pet Petomane has returned from DOBlin to RTE is because of the traffic in the other direction of the Le Patomane aka PK. ( PK for Pat Kenny, DOB for Denis O’Brien).
Contrary to popular belief, Le Patomane never actually passed any intestinal gas during his stint as Wheelbarrower Extraordinaire in RTE. Belonging as he did to Refine Gael.
The same will not hold true, if one is to believe the hearsay evidence of one’s ears, where the Pet Petomane is concerned. Hence, the reason why SF (for Smiley Face) is odds on to land the SF (Special Friend) for the Big Gig.
The ray, oops, race to the bottom is on.
One thing which will remain unchanged, ca va sans dire, is that Sol will not be Fol de lolled in the FOL of the FSS but rather in the SOL of same.
For Sol, read the Solomon of the LOL, as Wisdom-toothed Willie is justifiably known; for FOL, read First Official Language and SOL, for Second Official Language.
LoL.
Mein gott!!!!! mighty Perk , that really got your creative juices flowing…Cults have been formed from less!!!
As it is the season of love and goodwill to all, I wish Willie a long and healthy life. And more political misery.