Pictures by Northern Ireland Executive and Belfast Gonzo respectively
Peter: So what have you been up to over the Summer?
Mike: Oh this and that. Mowing the lawn, showing my face at Uncomfortable Conversations – you know the sort of thing.
Peter: Well no, actually. I’ve been in Florida, you see. Have a little place there. Lovely state, Florida. Jeb Bush used to be in charge there. I like the Bushes – they’re my kind of people. I’m particularly fond of that Dan Quayle – he was Bush Senior’s vice-president you know.
Mike: Among other things, I believe. Mind you, George Junior was supposed to be dumb but he knew how to rig an election.
Peter: We have so much to learn from other people, I always say. By the way, I hear you’ve pulled out of Stormont.
Mike: You heard right. It’s essential that my party looks as if we’d like to lock the entire Sinn Féin party in a small dry toilet and throw away the key. So I left, or rather Danny Kennedy left the Executive.
Peter: I thought your lot had all left Stormont.
Mike: Are you kidding? And let your shower of gougers gobble up our Executive seat? We’re going back in there this morning. In fact I have a Master Plan.
Peter: You have, have you?
Mike: Yes, a Plan that will resolve the crisis and allow everyone to save face.
Peter: What is it?
Mike: Hold your water. All will be revealed in Stormont.
Peter: Would there be a beach involved in it?
Mike: Mmm – there might be.
Peter: I see. You plan to blame the Shinners for the death of that little boy on that beach.
Mike: Well, they are to blame. After all, the IRA has done – and is doing – so many ghastly things, they’ve set a very bad example to the world.
Peter: But the republicans have stopped violence for some ten years or more. How could they be blamed for that immigrant horror?
Mike: Horror – that’s the word. The republicans attacked the legally-constituted forces of the state and caused horror and suffering for years. And of course in places like Syria they were watching, and next you know Syria is in a state of chaos. So I think it’s perfectly fair to say that the IRA was responsible for that terrible picture that touched so many of us.
Peter: If I didn’t know you better I’d say you were smart. I must remember that this morning – good line to give the hacks afterwards. Any other goodies in your Plan?
Mike: Wait and see. All those people that dismissed me as a dumb Woodentop who should have stayed at UTV – they’re going to see how wrong they were. I’ve been to Cambridge, you know. Or was it Oxford?
Peter: Well as you know I’m on my last lap as leader – I’d look over my shoulder only I’d be afraid I’d see Dodds’s slavering gob. But I plan to go out in a blaze of glory.
Mike: Your party has plans to set fire to you?
Peter: How extremely witty you are. See if you’re still laughing when you come whingeing to us for an electoral pact next time and we play hardball.
Mike: Hardball? What’s that?
Peter: You need two of them to succeed in politics over forty years, as I have. If I were you I’d check on that day-job you had at UTV.
Mike: I think not. But can we agree on one thing: the entire problem was created by the Shinners, and we unionists, faithful servants of Her Majesty, are doing everything possible – as we always have – to house-train them?
Peter: I like that. House-train. Where have I heard that before?
Mike: A former leader of the UUP. See you on the hill.
Peter: Unfortunately, yes. Ta-ta, Woodentop.
Mike: Ta-ta, Clontibret Punt
Stormont has become life imitating art, it reminds me of Waiting for Godot.
Everyone is waiting for something to happen or somebody to do something.
Jude has recognised the dramatic potential & should get that script finished.
Title? “Waiting for Peter who is waiting for Marty who is waiting for Mike and they’re all waiting for………….?
Ex nihilo nihil fit
“Monday, Monday, so good to me;
Monday morning, it was all I hoped it would be…”
Then I turned on the radio. It was,
“You’ve got to accentuate the negative
Eliminate the positive and don’t mess with Mister In-Between”
Mike’s mantra is being reported from an opposition that does not exist.
Peter’s party insists on telling us that, “It will not be business as usual.” What is new?
Ms Villiers has been heard singing,
“The first cut is the deepest…”
and Mr Flanagan has been heard humming,
“The finger of suspicion points at you.”
“Don’t you love farce?
My fault, I fear.
I thought that you’d want what I want –
Sorry, my dear.
But where are the clowns?
Quick, send in the clowns.
Don’t bother, they’re here.”
Martin says it will be a big mistake if the viceroy whips the rug out from under the executive but Sinn Fein nua made the biggest mistake of all. They say when you sit down to sup with the Devil you need a long spoon but the spoon hasn’t been made yet that would allow you to sup safely with the English and their running dogs. So what was the alternative to jumping through hoops and rolling over to get your belly scratched. To be insulted daily, to be disinfected, housetrained, quarantined and mocked? Obviously it was impossible to continue the ‘war’ when a large percentage of combatants had been got at by MI6,6,7,8and 9. So what now? Do we or can we withdraw from the colonial administration? Has the game been played and lost? Has anybody got an idea or are all politicians here completely clueless? How big an effort will the viceroy make to sugar today’s bitter pill or will she bother as the wolfhound’s teeth have been pulled?
Nice one!! Thev run has done you Good!!
Forgive the spelling? meant to say The run has done you Good!!
It’s all in the punctuation ….where you place the odd comma , Jim….but you ‘re right , that’s a cute one , Jude..
What would happen if a Unionist of substantial caliber and intellect emerged and entered this political quagmire ? I know its as likely as a monkey studying quantum physics ,but let your mind drift……endless possibilities would arise transforming and changing options instantly ,you only need someone with foresight and perceptiveness. If someone is receptive to new ideas then foundations can be laid for new beginnings. At present , I believe we are bogged down because of the insistence on Unionism claiming a fictional “we’re the good guys” high moral attitude and preponderance. The past and any semblance of it in not returning….why is that such such a difficult fact to grasp
Aye Republicanism is filled with intellectuals Barry McElduff for one how many high powered jobs did he hold down until he got elected? The same could be said for most of SF`s MLA`s in Stormont.
You must never confuse intelligence with education,neill, or cleverness with a well-paid job…
But if you’re just confused in the first place . . .
Jude’s correct there neill.Just look at the educational facilities our very own Nelson McCausland drifted through only to end up as a Creationist …..case rested …as it were …never has so much education been wasted on one lone individual ,really….
Very true Jude, most people think intelligence is “knowing stuff”. Its not. Intelligence, in my opinion, is being able to problem solve and the ability to learn at a very quick rate. Political Unionism obviously has neither of these two abilities….especially not the ability to learn at a quick rate.
President Bush was one example of someone with very limited intelligence getting a brilliant job, in fact the most powerful job in the World. Your bank balance or the job your in doesn’t reflect your intelligence.
On the button, Esteemed Jogmeister !
PS
If Only
If only Mehawl could replace Peadar
At the top rung of the Unionist ladder
For,Ye Gods
Think Dodds !
Adder-tongued Nigel is even badder.
Barry has a university degree as far as I know.Has Robinson?
Do away with stormont bring back joint rule from Dublin and london or else give us back articles 2 and 3 of construction. Oh and stop all payments to MLAs
The DUP has said they will refuse to attend Executive meetings unless in exceptional circumstances. That basically means the DUP will be doing nothing and Stormont will stay afloat for another while. Has the DUP remembered the terrifying threat from 2007, which Paisley labelled: “Plan B”? I think so. The DUP would’ve sunk Stormont a long time ago, especially when it came to the OTR’s (yet it emerged just recently that none other than Rev. Willie McCrea received a Royal Pardon in 1971, the hypocrisy of Unionism has reached yet another new height when you consider their outrage over the OTR’s, I wonder if other DUP members received Royal Pardons? maybe connected to Ulster Resistance and their activities?….) Robinson threatened to resign if the OTR letters weren’t rescinded, the letters ultimately weren’t rescinded and Robbo didn’t resign. There’s definitely something keeping the DUP and also the UUP hanging onto Stormont, some would say its money, it could be but I’m not sure….
“Plan B”, btw, was basically the reason why Paisley went into Government with SF in 2007. The British AND Irish Governments told Paisley if he didn’t go into Government with SF then Joint Rule would be set up and Paisley himself said “How could I have faced my people, with the Union destroyed, and a setting up of a Joint Government with the South of Ireland, the South of Ireland, by the way, threatened as well as Mr Hain (the then SoS) that they were going to take us over”.
Heres the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pumM9jcVTqM
Since Ms Villiers apparently thinks that she can chop and change an International Treaty at the drop of a Unionist hat ( but then Perfidious Albion is renown for it’s duplicity and treachery ) maybe a move to reinstate Articles 2 & 3 might bring some sobering sense of reality to Unionism’s door. We have suffered their infantile , “spoilt -brat ” behaviour for far too long