CARRY ME BACK TO OLD VIRGINITY by Donal Kennedy

There’s a story of a village newspaper account of a parish concert, which either unwittingly, or with malice prepense, reported that a certain lady had brought down the house with her rendering of “Take Me Back To Old Virginity.”  Several  gentlemen  readers choked on their cornflakes, the vicar was unavailable  to officiate at their funerals, and  the Coroner had a coronary.

I’ve just had a request to sign a petition calling for the creation of an Independent Office to monitor political  campaigns . The  petition is headlined -“RESTORE TRUTHFUL POLITICS.” The originator of the petition, bless his little cotton socks, was shocked by the claims by both sides of the  EU referendum campaign and both sides of the  London Mayoral campaign. I think he may well be a political virgin  and fear I’d be a cad to rob him of his innocence.

I’ve had experience of dealing with the supposedly impartial Press Council which very, very slowly, very grudgingly upheld a complaint of mine against THE TIMES. I’ve seen how that body refused to condemn the DAILY MAIL when it published the exact same lie over the name of Sir Humphrey Atkins.  I’ve seen the Press Council renamed The Press Complaints Commission and the liar Atkins, renamed Baron Colnbrook, appointed a Press Complaints Commissioner.

The mind boggles at the idea of an Independent Office To Monitor  Political Campaigns. In the current poisonous atmosphere in Britain I cannot imagine any Briton who might be considered eligible by their compatriots for membership. Ireland is their nearest neighbour whose citizens generally speak English. Google the words “Irish” and “Independent” and what do you get?

Impartial political virgins!! You’re kiddin’. You get the greatest concentration of  politically partisan,unscrupulous, **ING FUCKERS anywhere in this galaxy.