1, The shutters is down, Joxer. / Tá na..comhlaí..dúnta, Joxer. But the mind’s open / Ach tá an meon ar oscailt . An ag magadh atá tú? ? Is this a wind up? / Fan bomaite, a char, / Wait a mo, bro..
2. Roamer ? / Romhánach? Is this a Tiber Attack ?/ An Ionsaí Tiber e seo? By a tall, dark and Ransom Chancer ? / O strainséir ard, dorcha agus R.C. ? No, bro: Short, blonde and RC – BoJo / Cor ar bith, a char, Íseal , fionn agus CR.- BoJo.
3. (Fo-plota/ Sub-plot: Puss ‘n Poots aka Corky the Cat of Corkshire salutes Poots).
Seo e an Sárstaduaireadoir do Rás an Rothair Mhaill / This is the Supreme Stopwatch for the Slow Bicycle Race /’ Pootsie a tháinig síos go DUPlln cois Life ar a rothar mall agus a gheansaí flannbhuí á chaitheamh aige / Pootsie cycled down to DUPlin, on his slow bike wearing his orange gansey. It was invented 4,000 years ago / Cumadh í 4,000 bliain o shin.
A German watchwinder to Dublin once came
Engelbert
P. Schnuck was the ole German’s name
And as he winded he way up the strand
He played on his flute and the music was grand
Singin’ tu ra lumma tu ra loor a lumma tu ra lie a
Is í broingloid fhluch P. Englebert Schnuck ná uaireadaoir Elbhlís Saxe Coburg Goth í gCaisleán Edwindsor a thochrais /. P. Englebert Schnuck’s wet dream is one day to wind up the watch of Elizabeth Saxe Coburg Goth in Schloss Edwindsor.
4.. ‘Watch Strap Replacement is the key sign here’ / Is é an comhartha tábhachtach anseo ná ‘Athsholáthar Strapai Uaireadora’. A sort of ‘Unchained Malady’ deal going down here? / Cineál ‘Galair nach bhfuil Ceangailte le Slabhra? ‘ ag dul síos anseo? What else? / Cad eile? Brúnn ‘An Deartháir Firíeanta’ ‘An Deirfiúr Cheartaiseach./ ‘The Righteous Brother replaces The Righteous Sister’.
And the Sigature Tune of this Top Swap / Agus Ceol Aitheantais an Bharr-Mhalartú na Malartán seo? Tá sé ina chaitheamh leathphingine steirling in airde / Its’ a toss up of a halfpenny stirling. Tabhair leid, led’ thoil / Gizz a hint. ‘BJ. B.J.? Eastwood. Eastwood? B.J. no Whatchamaycolum. The West Brit who A-dores Westminster? Ni hea, cor ar bith./ Not at all. Ach, BJ Thomas/, Beannacht Dé lena anam agus a ainm dilis. ‘(Hey, won’t you play another) Somebody done Somebody wrong song / (Haigh, nach seinnfeá amhrán eile faoi) Duine Éigin a dheanann Duine ÉIle a bhligearduú .
Sin é rogha na mBan a Tí / That is the Housewives’ Choice/ Agus rogha na bhFear a’ Tí? And the House Husband’s choice? An ”Unchained Malady’. Cén fáth / Why? Taobh amuigh den chumadoir, Alex North? /Apart from the tune’s composer, Alex North? Time ……goes……by……so……slow……ly. ? / Téann………an…….t-Am. ………thart……..chomh…..mall ……sin / And. The…….Unionist….. Times ……can…….do…..so……much / Agus. tig……le…..T.U.T…..an…..t-uafás’ a ……chur…..i ……..gcríich.
(As always, Dame Dernawill deported herself with honour/ Mar is dual d’iompair an Dáma Doir an Mhoilt (aka Dame Oak Wood of the Wether) féin go honorach. Fearfar Fáilte Ui Cheallaigh roimh an Bhantiarna Airne-Eirne to Teach na nTiarnaí / Kelly’s Welcome will be accorded to Lady Sloe-Erner to the House of Lords aka DUPper House. Canfaidh M’Thiarnai agus M’Bhantrianai cúrfa spledorach de ‘Tabhair leat an molt i gconai/ M’Luds and M’Ladies will sing a stirring corus of: ‘Always bring the wether with you !’. (Aithneofar an bomaite ceolmhar cinniiúnach seo ag staraithe i gcionn 4,000 bliain mar an bomaite gur thosaigh an Cultas Moilt. / Histproans of the future in 4,000 years time (and Times) will mark this hysterical musical moment as the beginning of the ‘Molt Cult’.
5.. Deireann Uladh ‘ Poll a tholladh i gCluasa agus i Srona/ / Ulster says ‘NOSE and Ear piercing !’
PS Presenting Edwin and Edwina aka The Wet Dream Team aka The Ultimate Ulster Win-Win Siutation / Foireann Fhluich na mBroingloid: :at the Puss ‘n Poots show in DUPlin. ! Thios faightear an téascs den preas-agallamh NAR craoladh / Below is the text of the press-confernece which was NOT broadcast.
Le Edwina ag feidhmiú mar aistriuchanai comhuaineach:/ With Edwina operating as Edwn’s simulaneous translator into CUS (Compulsory Ulster Scots):
Edwin;: I must apologiise to Fine Gael.
Edwina::: Curry my yogurt can coca coalyer !
Edwin : I had mistaken Gaol for Gael.
Edwina: Curry my yogurt can coca coalyer !
Edwin: I deny saying that Varadkar and Coveny don’t lace my boots. The hacks in their cheap suits, misquoted me.
Edwina: Curry my yoghurt can coca coalyer !
Edwin: What I did say is that VAC. does not lace my boots.
Comments are closed.