Another day, another hob-nailed boot to the gut of Sinn Féin. In an article headed ‘Gerry Kelly’s mix of righteousness and victimhood fits the cry-bully culture of Sinn Féin’, an attack mastiff of The Irish Times brings Gerry Kelly to heel for ‘boasting of his crimes’ while ‘turning to law’ when others mention them. 

Oh dear. Off on the wrong foot already. Gerry Kelly turned to law when Malachi O Doherty said he had shot a prison officer. Nowhere in Kelly’s books or in his talks regarding the Great Escape does he speak of having shot a prison officer.     Funny how elastic facts can be when you are intent on booting a senior Shinner.

Then there’s the confident declaration ‘ Sinn Féin is drawing everyone into a world where one man’s good reputation is another man’s criminal record.’  What does that even mean? Do you feel drawn into another world? I don’t. Maybe the faithful hack is trying to say that some people admire individuals while others at the same time detest them. If that’s the case, he might as well have stated ‘I’ve got two feet’ – a touch of the bleedin’ obvious.

Another gobbet: “It requires a strange mix of righteousness and victimhood to boast of your crimes, yet still feel wronged enough to turn to the law when others mention them.”  I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that Gerry Kelly doesn’t see his escape from Long Kesh as a crime. I’m also going to take a wild guess that recourse to law is an avenue open to all, even a grubby Shinner like Gerry Kelly. Or maybe we should select certain groups and bar them from bringing legal cases?

A final pearl: “Sinn Féin, the largest party in Ireland, yet still somehow always the injured party.” Is the faithful scribe saying that if you’re winning votes you can’t be injured? I do hope not – that way madness lies. And I can think of a few occasions when Sinn Féin didn’t think of itself as ‘injured’ – like when it won the popular vote in the last general election, or when Michelle O’Neill became the First Minister-in-waiting in the North.

I could go on, but alas I have a pressing appointment to grease the cat’s boil. Suffice to say, if you get The Irish Times today, you should check out this article. Chances are it’ll give you a giggle, and you may find an alternative use for it in your bathroom after reading.