How to stop the bloodshed in Ukraine

By all accounts, President Zelensky got a hugely warm reception in the Dail in Dublin yesterday. It seems all the TDs and Senators are wildly supportive of him, up to giving  him €100 or was it €150 million to help his war effort against Russia. The only two naughty boys who didn’t join the standing ovation at his entry were Richard Boucher-Hayes and Paul Murphy, of People Before Profit. I’m almost afraid to say it out loud, but I share something of their reservations. After all, only the other day, Zelensky’s right-hand man got the boot for corruption.

But let’s cut to the chase. I have the solution for Vladimir Z. And Ukraine. In the course of his speech to the Dail, he mentioned comparisons between Ukraine and Ireland – both know what it’s like to have been invaded and war inflicted on them.

Too true. So here’s the advice we can give him – stop the fighting in its tracks, probably. What the western powers must do is cede around one-fifth of its territory, and then pretend that the word ‘Ukraine’ is the same thing as the non-truncated version of Ukraine.

Now I’m not saying this will solve all your problems, Vlad. But if you check the comparison with Ireland, you’ll be able to kick the can down the road for at least 100 years, and by then we’ll all be dead, more or less. I tell you, Vlad – it’s worked like a dream in Ireland. Give 6 of your 32 counties to the invader and hey presto!  They’ll stop invading.

No, no, Vlad. No need for a brown envelope at all at all. Sure you’re welcome.