The Facebook page of the Official Protestant Coalition reacted to the PSNI announcement with the digital equivalent of dropping a tray of teacups.
The PSNI, in a moment of administrative daring, had declared it would deal with all unauthorised flag flying equally. All flags. The word “all” hung in the air like an unexpected bill.
Within minutes, the Coalition’s Facebook page sprang into action. First came the cautious post:
“Concerned Protestant citizens are seeking clarification.”
This was followed, three minutes later, by:
“This is cultural erasure.”
By minute seven, the tone had hardened considerably:
“This is Stalinism with parking enforcement powers.”
Commenters piled in. One man announced he had flown a flag continuously since 1983 and would not be “bullied by clipboard republicanism.” Another warned darkly that removing flags could destabilise the jet stream.
Screenshots were shared. Circles were drawn around lampposts. Arrows were added. Someone posted a blurry photograph of a PSNI Land Rover taken from behind a hedge, captioned: “They’re already at it.”
Particular suspicion fell upon the word “equally.” This, many agreed, was deeply suspicious language. Equality had always been a slippery slope. First equality, then fairness, then—before you knew it—forms.
A retired man named Trevor posted seventeen times in one hour, each message ending with “Just saying.”
Another contributor demanded to know whether Christmas decorations were next. No one answered him, but his question hung there, unanswered and terrible.
Meanwhile, the page administrator issued a final statement, written entirely in capital letters, urging calm while also warning that calm itself was under threat.
By evening, nothing had happened. No flags had been removed. No lampposts had been liberated.
But the Coalition remained vigilant.
After all, eternal vigilance is the price of Facebook.
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