St Patrick’s Day in Washington is that magical time of year when Irish politicians fly 3,000 miles to hand over a bowl of vegetation and call it diplomacy. It’s a ritual combining horticulture, geopolitics, and faintly disguised lobbying. Everyone smiles, everyone wears green, and everyone pretends this is perfectly normal behaviour for adults.
Traditionally, the Taoiseach presents the President with the sacred bowl of shamrock — a fragile bundle of three-leafed symbolism freighted with centuries of history. It represents Ireland, heritage, and the quiet hope that America will continue to take Ireland’s phone calls.
The DUP and TUV, however, approach the occasion with the enthusiasm of men attending a neighbour’s wedding where they disapprove of both bride and groom but quite fancy the buffet.
Will they travel to Washington? Almost certainly. Washington in March offers excellent opportunities for photographs, solemn handshakes, and saying “concerned” in front of microphones. Also, there are receptions. Many receptions. Enough receptions to test the structural integrity of any man’s indignation.
But will they present Donald Trump with shamrock?
That’s more complicated. The shamrock is, after all, an all-Ireland symbol. It grows with reckless neutrality on both sides of the border, showing no regard whatsoever for constitutional sensitivities. It is botanically bipartisan, which makes it deeply suspicious.
If they do present anything, it may be something more culturally specific. Perhaps a small ornamental kerbstone. Or a framed photograph of a properly regulated lamppost. Possibly a certificate confirming that outrage has been maintained at sustainable levels.
They will, of course, insist they are not there to celebrate but to “engage.” Engagement is politics’ most versatile word. It can mean dialogue, disagreement, or standing stiffly beside someone while thinking of somewhere else.
Trump, for his part, will accept whatever is handed to him with the cheerful indifference of a man who has received many strange gifts and expects many more.
And somewhere in the background, the shamrock will sit quietly in its bowl, having caused more political anxiety than any plant reasonably should.
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