There are few things guaranteed to clear a unionist room faster than the phrase “strategic conversation about constitutional futures.” You can almost hear the chairs scraping and the kettle being switched off mid-boil.
For many unionists, talk of planning for a border poll — as provided for under the Good Friday Agreement — carries the faint but unmistakable whiff of someone measuring the curtains while you’re still sitting in the house. “We’re only discussing options,” comes the soothing voice from Dublin or London. “Aye,” replies the unionist eyebrow, already halfway to the ceiling.
The suspicion is not entirely irrational. In Northern Ireland, “conversation” has a habit of becoming “consultation,” which morphs into “process,” which eventually arrives gift-wrapped as “inevitability.” Unionists have seen enough PowerPoint decks in their time to know that Slide 14 is always labelled “Next Steps.”
There is also a cultural element at play. For some, even commissioning a feasibility study feels like inviting the estate agent round “just to value the place.” You may insist you’re perfectly happy where you are, but why is he measuring the garden?
And yet, there’s something faintly comic about the reflex. Planning is not the same as packing. Governments run contingency plans for everything from snowstorms to zombie apocalypses (well, nearly). But mention a border poll and suddenly it’s as though someone has suggested replacing the Union Jack with a tricolour duvet overnight.
Bit unfair Jude. When Ireland was partitioned I am sure the British government took loads of consultations from the nationalist population, all over the island but particularly in the six north eastern counties? I’ll just check my history book, there is no way they would have simply imposed it on the population at the behest of a treasonous unionist cabal? Let’s see….oh…..(closes book.)