Micheál’s appeal to unionists

I  wonder if northern unionists (as distinct from the southern type) were to call on Micheál Martin to paint his rear a deep purple, and then run up and down the steps of Stormont, would he do it? There certainly can be no overestimation of the Taoiseach’s desire to love-bomb the unionists.

“The principles and purpose of the Agreement remain central to what my Government does and how we foster relationships across these islands…I am committed to continuing to work toward reconciliation and mutual trust, as we collectively set out to do in 1998, including through the Shared Island Initiative.”

To prove to unionism his love is true, Martin is set to meet with political leaders at Stormont, as well as with business leaders, and engage with Women’s Aid. He will also mark the signing of a €700 million contract for a new fleet of cross-border trains.

I don’t know what the meeting with political leaders at Stormont will produce – damn all, I suspect. And my prurient mind wonders what the subtle difference is between meeting the politicians  and “engaging with Women’s Aid.” 

I salute him for the €700 million he’s putting into the Belfast-Dublin trains- although  those trains will also run Dublin-Belfast, which’ll please people in Dublin and beyond.

But even you were Sherlock Holmes, with deerstalker cap and a bloodhound on leash,  you would never find the one thing that Micheál’s Things To Do list should contain, and that is produce a green paper on what a united Ireland might look like. Maybe he’s afraid the unionist politicians would find that disrespectful and hurting. I mean,imagine: a Taoiseach who wants to examine the possible nuts and bolts of a united Ireland! I suspect he’d prefer to add a dash of orange to his backside as he scampered up those Stormont steps crying “We are, we are, we are the Republican  Party – there’s no need to be afraid, look at the way I’ve painted my arse.”

Ten out of ten for effort, Micheál, and  one out of ten for doing something really  worth doing.